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When did you notice the triggers werent triggers anymore?

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DragnHeart posted 10/4/2020 12:25 PM

Wh co worker lent him the tv series Sons of Anarchy.

Now we dont watch TV, dont have it. Stick to DVDs or blue rays. That's just the way it's always been with us. And movie watching is mainly for winter. Most of the time we are outside...most know that much about me.

Brought up SON in another thread and was warned its triggering. Lots of infidelity. Shit the whole baby born early was more upsetting and that's the first damn episode.

Well wh and I did an all nighter last night, finally shut it off at 6:30am. Got a few hours of sleep. Lol. Got through seasons one and two.

I have actually found watching a TV show, the story lines, character plots, twists and turns a bit if a relief from the same old movies.

And best of all I haven't triggered. No panic attacks. No tears.

Dont get me wrong I still get uptight if I hear one of his APs names but now its more of annoyance than anything.

I usually avoid anything that has to do with infidelity. Shit the damn kids movie Sing has hints of it and I wasnt a fan of watching it with the kids. Now here I am looking forward to watching this TV show even though its filled with it.

Is it a common thing to experience what would normally set me off and have no reaction? Has anyone else experienced this? Does it mean I've reached a level of healing or indifference or am just so damn bored with a limited selection of movies that the change is nice?

Thoughts?

Edited to fix word since my phone is possessed!!! Lol

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 1:30 PM, October 4th (Sunday)]

little turtle posted 10/4/2020 13:03 PM

I'm OK with most movies/shows with infidelity. I find that part of the story annoying more than anything. However, triggers that are directly related to things that happened during the A period of my life, are still there.

DragnHeart posted 10/4/2020 13:17 PM

I guess they really never go away.

Nanatwo posted 10/4/2020 13:46 PM

I think there comes a time when the triggers just don't have the huge impact they once did. I'm with Little Turtle - it's things directly related to his A that still trigger me - but even those don't have the same punch in the gut impact. It's more of a "well, shit" moment and I move on.

The triggers will always be there - but time really does diminish there impact - Thank goodness!

DragnHeart posted 10/4/2020 13:52 PM

The triggers will always be there - but time really does diminish there impact - Thank goodness!

Oh forsure. I'm really enjoying this series so far and am happy I can watch it. I actually knew members of a "biker gang/club" when I was younger and those guys were awesome.

I am pretty sure that the one ows name will always cause a well shit or ffs response.

steadychevy posted 10/4/2020 16:04 PM

I agree with the others. There's still a reaction to triggers but it's a brief annoyance, usually. There are others that seem to have been more painful when discovered that take a little more effort.

There was a post in another thread about dealing with PTSD that was really apt. I usually say when getting counselling for PTSD that the techniques are about controlling the triggers to minimize the effect. It's still there. The description in the other thread was about the triggers of PTSD are dealt with by putting them in a jar of really awful stinky shit with a sealed lid. Every once in a while something shakes the lid a little loose. The training is in getting the lid back on to minimize how much of that real stinky shit gets out.

The triggers I have the most trouble with are the ones with the worst PTSD associated with them and having them strike unexpectedly. The lid takes a little longer to get back on.

ETA: There are some businesses, places or things I don't do or go to because I don't need to. Perhaps that's avoidance but I don't care.

[This message edited by steadychevy at 4:05 PM, October 4th (Sunday)]

DragnHeart posted 10/4/2020 16:22 PM

The description in the other thread was about the triggers of PTSD are dealt with by putting them in a jar of really awful stinky shit with a sealed lid. Every once in a while something shakes the lid a little loose. The training is in getting the lid back on to minimize how much of that real stinky shit gets out.

I read that as well.

I'm curious though about "taking things back" in regards to triggers instead of keeping them in a jar.

Wh affairs pretty much all occurred in this one city. I avoided that city like the plague for years. Currently we live a couple hours away and I really have no reason to go there. But I think I could without the pounding heart, tears, shaking. Actually I had to drive through there once and it was like it happened and I didnt even notice until afterwards.

Sex stuff. That's still an issue but we arent going there so for now its not an issue

landclark posted 10/4/2020 19:49 PM

I wish I could get to this point. I saw a puzzle of Hilton Head, a place we visited when he was talking to the first AP every chance he got, unbeknownst to me. Itís so hard when your entire marriage is one big trigger.

DragnHeart posted 10/4/2020 21:35 PM

Itís so hard when your entire marriage is one big trigger
.

Agreed. And when our ws themselves is a trigger.

Sometimes I look at him amd thank wtf. Other times I can't look at him at all.

steadychevy posted 10/5/2020 06:08 AM

I agree with "taking things back". Part of the healing is "reowning" things. They lose their punch with familiarity. I don't think those specific triggers ever fully disappear though. They simply lose their power. I wonder if there was another trauma if there would be a re-flooding or relapse. I don't know.

The skills and processes learned to deal with PTSD would need to be reactivated for those things that seemed of lesser trauma. I do think that they all get put into the jar of really stinky shit.

One of the exercises my counsellor had me do was to pick up the issues, one by one, and stuff them in a container with a lid when I was finished dealing with them for the time being. In my mind the issues were like those pool noodles and the container was a big garbage container. The container often wasn't big enough and the darn noodles were sticking out all around the lid. It took effort to get all the really stinky shit into the container with the lid on.

This was done in order to deal with them for a time and then end it until I was ready to do it again. Sort of like putting a time limit on doing a disposed chore.

I think some of the "noodles" are large and some are small. You can shrink all of them but none of them actually dissolve completely. The lid gets knocked loose less and less often.

DragnHeart posted 10/5/2020 06:54 AM

This was done in order to deal with them for a time and then end it until I was ready to do it again. Sort of like putting a time limit on doing a disposed chore.

I understand putting a time limit on dealing with things and then putting it away until next time. Just curious, isnt that compartmentalizing?

Not that in this instance it's a bad thing.

Sofarsogood posted 10/5/2020 07:51 AM

I've watched the whole series and loved it! I'm still a fan. I've moved on to "reign, Outlander, and Mary, Queen of Scots". All are good series.

steadychevy posted 10/5/2020 08:01 AM

Perhaps it is compartmentalization. I know I would try to leave work at work when I came home. That doesn't mean it was totally left there because in our conversations there might be sharing of our day. But I spent more waking hours at work than with my wife and children. I was also jealous of my weekend time because that was my family and church time. I didn't want work (career) to interfere. We did a lot of the ranch things together and all enjoyed it. Sunday nights work would start to come into my thinking again.

All that might be compartmentalization so, perhaps, the stuffing noodles was, too. I guess I feel it was more of knowing there was a garbage pail full of noodles but I wasn't going to deal with them right now unless some escaped. I had dealt with them enough and I would plan on dealing with them again the next day or the day after that. The frequency decreases unless there was a specific trigger.

DragnHeart posted 10/5/2020 08:03 AM

I've watched the whole series and loved it! I'm still a fan. I've moved on to "reign, Outlander, and Mary, Queen of Scots". All are good series
.

We finished season two last night. OMG!!!

I sit and watch these things and think its just like a horror movie. Someone comes at them with a knife and they stand there and scream. Duh! Lol. This time it was a whole bunch of bad choices leading to really bad consequences. Sound familiar?!? Lol.

I have to wonder just how realistic this sort of stuff is. If my life was in danger I wouldn't be hauling my infant around with me to run errands...

Owell. Onto season three tonight IF wh can keep his eyes open. I used to do afternoon then overnight shifts at work. 17 hours. Be off for 8, maybe sleep for 3-4 hours and be back to do it all again the next day. Wh and I used to stay up all night. Now it leaves him so wiped the next day.

Question. Is Outlander series a spin off of the movie?

DragnHeart posted 10/5/2020 08:10 AM

Perhaps it is compartmentalization. I know I would try to leave work at work when I came home. That doesn't mean it was totally left there because in our conversations there might be sharing of our day. But I spent more waking hours at work than with my wife and children. I was also jealous of my weekend time because that was my family and church time. I didn't want work (career) to interfere. We did a lot of the ranch things together and all enjoyed it. Sunday nights work would start to come into my thinking again

I can understand this and so can my wh! He doesnt even get full weekends. His one day off he just wants to forget he even works.

I dont think stuffing things in that way is bad.

Unhinged posted 10/5/2020 11:42 AM

I made it all the through "The Wire" without eating the television. I suppose that counts as noticing that triggers weren't triggers anymore. (Still pissed me off, though).

tushnurse posted 10/5/2020 12:07 PM

Triggers are no longer triggers when you heal yourself. At least that's my feeling on it.

I am healed. I am healthy and I am strong.
If something does raise my hackles I self eval, do I feel this way because of something current or historic. Usually it's historic and I can let it go.

DragnHeart posted 10/5/2020 14:46 PM

I haven't see The Wire yet so I'm not sure heow to respond.

I'm glad you didnt eat the TV. That would require a lot of fiber or maybe an enema to pass lol.


Triggers are no longer triggers when you heal yourself. At least that's my feeling on it.

Well I'm definently not totally healed yet but I have noticed a huge shift in how I feel since I set some strict boundaries with wh and changed how I am reaponding/reacting.

He on the other hand is Mr. GRUMPY now that he sees I'm not playing house lol.

99problems posted 10/5/2020 20:20 PM

My biggest trigger lately is, quite unfortunately, my birthday, and my daughter's, and my mom's birthday. Let me explain:
My daughter's due date, at 3 months, was my birthday. My jaw almost hit the floor when the OBGYN said my bday as the due date at the 6 week appt.
Fast forward 7.5 mo later-
On the 17th of the month(my bday is the 21st) my stbxw went into labor. My daughter was born on the 18th. I made a lot of jokes about how she should have held the baby in 3 more days, but it was still cool that we had a close bday. And my mom and her dad's bday is the 18th, so that always held a special significance for all of us.
Now, my stbxw left me for AP#11ish. I knew that she moved him in less than 2 months after we separated. So I did a background check on him.
Guess what his bday is. The 19th of the same month.
Fuck that shit. I am still so damn angry about it.
My mom has been on a kick of trying to connect with my daughter by saying, " we have the same birthday" and it triggers the everliving hell out of me every time.

deena04 posted 10/5/2020 20:30 PM

My triggers stopped immediately once I made the definite decision to leave him. I had bounced back-and-forth for quite some time before finally hitting that point of peace. Once I did, everything changed for the better for me.

[This message edited by deena04 at 8:30 PM, October 5th (Monday)]

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