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Finally filed for divorce

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bandhater posted 8/12/2020 15:12 PM

Hi, I last posted back in April (I think) and I knew things were over even then. The divorce papers (petition & response) have been filed and stamped at the county courthouse. Now the financial side of it is next. I take it there's no rush for the financials to be filed? I was on a deadline for the divorce papers.

I was hoping to buy her out of the house but the house value hasn't changed much, it appraised for a lot higher than expected. I know that's a first world problem But does mean the house has to get sold.

Our 10 year anniversary is coming up (that was the deadline), obviously not going to celebrate. She had us meet up with OPs (yep 2 of them, guy & his wife - barf!) on our engagement anniversary so this is a good thing.

So OM & OW are divorcing too. And he's had his ass dragged to court for domestic abuse. This is apparently the 2nd time he's been violent, the first time was in front of my WW. My WW even showed up in court to defend him. So WW has definitely wandered into the wastelands.

DictumVeritas posted 8/12/2020 15:22 PM

I am so glad you are extracting yourself out of this mess of your wife's making. Strength to you.

I can not recall if you were separated or still under the same roof. I really hope it's the former. Nothing like the absence of garbage in one's presence to bring back the fresh smell of morning.

Take care of yourself, bandhater.

bandhater posted 8/12/2020 15:47 PM

Hi DictumVeritas, unfortunately still under the same roof. Me upstairs bedroom, her downstairs bedroom.

It's not the best of conditions.

Okokok posted 8/12/2020 15:54 PM

Well, sorry, but also a big congratulations. Glad you're back checking in.

Like you, I went through months of in-house separation and my 10yr anniversary.

Are there any plans in the works for a more complete separation?? Because that's when life will get extra-good.

So OM & OW are divorcing too. And he's had his ass dragged to court for domestic abuse. This is apparently the 2nd time he's been violent, the first time was in front of my WW.

Again, sorry: I know a lot of this is shitty for you. But man am I glad to hear this about this guy, one of the true assholes of the universe.

My WW even showed up in court to defend him.

Jesus.

Buster123 posted 8/12/2020 16:00 PM

Good riddance !!! just curious, was the deadline to file to avoid having to pay lifetime/longer alimony ? also not that it matters much anymore but has her family reach out to you or viceversa ? if you are still in contact with the sbtx-inlaws and/or others in her side of the family, remember blood is thicker than water and they ultimately will side with her or not care at all, same could happen with some mutual friends.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 4:00 PM, August 12th (Wednesday)]

Cooley2here posted 8/12/2020 16:11 PM

Every now and then i just shake my head at the weird decisions people make.
Let me get this straight. Your wife had threesomes with a couple. I am guessing the wife did it to please her husband. She said no to more so he whacked her. Is that close to it? Anyway, they are divorcing and your wife is going to be with a guy who hits people or,........she is going with the wife.
None of this matters anymore. You will be out of it.
I suggest you get the old recliner out. Pop some corn, grab a beer, sit back, relax and watch the show. Just weird.

KingofNothing posted 8/12/2020 16:20 PM

Ohhh yeah. I remember this one. I'm very happy you decided to get yourself extricated from this hellish situation. Is she cooperating?

DoinBettr posted 8/12/2020 16:56 PM

Glad you are set to be done soon.

This is apparently the 2nd time he's been violent

Hopefully your WW ends up with him and she can learn first hand what an Ahole he is.
Even testified against her "Best Friend" the wife.

bandhater posted 8/12/2020 17:01 PM

has her family reach out to you or viceversa ?

Nope, I thought it was a little strange, her Mother would always call me when she couldn't get hold of her daughter. That dried up months ago. WW told me she asked advice from her Mother, who, btw, cheated on her first husband. Apple / tree.

was the deadline to file to avoid having to pay lifetime/longer alimony ?

Yes. I talked to an attorney and he said the 10 year mark was really a thing in California.

Your wife had threesomes with a couple. I am guessing the wife did it to please her husband. She said no to more so he whacked her. Is that close to it?

Well... almost, it all started with my WW and his wife, but he kinda took over and she wasn't happy about it. Strange couple. She also says she begged my WW to leave them alone.
The assault was over her finding out he'd been moving assets to other family members over the 9 months and her having the audacity to complain about it. They've been planning this for quite some time.

Is she cooperating?

She appears to be but I don't believe a word she says anymore. The divorce is filed as irreconcilable differences but the financial details are going to be another matter.

bandhater posted 8/12/2020 18:17 PM

Hopefully your WW ends up with him and she can learn first hand what an Ahole he is.
Even testified against her "Best Friend" the wife.

Turns out they both hated each other... Go figure.

keptmyword posted 8/12/2020 20:17 PM

I read your original post about your situation.

Well done.

You will find decisiveness is a key that will get out of this and beyond it.

When you are indeed outside of their amoral shitshow and able look at it all from that perspective, you will have a profound sense of liberation and appreciation for the strength you found within you to free yourself of it.

Again, decisiveness.

Now, steamroll through this divorce, turn this woman into an acquaintance from the past, and live your life.

Buffer posted 8/12/2020 20:17 PM

Sorry brother, but donít let the fact that her shitty decisions have led to her downfall.
Be strong, distancing yourself from her and her toxic friendship will benefit you in the long run.
There is something wrong with her. Bankruptcy is she going that route?
One day at a time
Buffer

Buster123 posted 8/12/2020 20:21 PM

Yes. I talked to an attorney and he said the 10 year mark was really a thing in California.

Yes it is, and yep I was going to mention California, I've read other stories and that's how I learned about that 10 year mark rule there.

bandhater posted 8/12/2020 20:39 PM

Bankruptcy is she going that route?

She went bankrupt just before we got married. Now 10 years later it should be off here record, as in 1 or 2 weeks just off her credit record.

Now is it a coincidence? Who knows... I'm not going to dwell on it.

Newlifeisgreat posted 8/12/2020 21:23 PM

Congratulations on deciding to do what you must, AND beating the hated 10 year mark in California!

Now do what you must and cross the finish line

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 4:17 AM, August 13th (Thursday)]

Dismayed2012 posted 8/13/2020 10:01 AM

Congrats bandhater. Any difficulty or pain you're experiencing will fade away over time and you'll find your life is much better than it was before. Take care of yourself.

DictumVeritas posted 8/13/2020 11:13 AM

I am truly sorry you still have to share a roof with her. I know with my ex, I remedied that situation post-haste, I couldn't stand the sight of her.

Hopefully you have plans afoot to delete her presence from your immediate vicinity sooner rather than later.

I don't have the experience to comment on how detrimental an in-house separation is, but I don't think I would have had the internal fortitude to stomach it.

Bigger posted 8/13/2020 11:27 AM

The 10-year deadline. I truly get the importance of the deadline. Just make sure there is no caveat that the date is based on when you file, when served or when you reach a certain stage in the process. Also make sure there is no time-limitation.

Like if you file and the court doesnít hear from you in 90 days if the clock is set back to 0. Iím thinking if I can file and then not do anything then that would be a logical action for everyone reaching the 10 year limit in a rocky marriage. Irrespective of if you are determined to see the D through.

bandhater posted 8/13/2020 16:13 PM

The 10-year deadline. I truly get the importance of the deadline. Just make sure there is no caveat that the date is based on when you file, when served or when you reach a certain stage in the process. Also make sure there is no time-limitation.

I think it's based on the separation date on the petition/response. I put down April, she put down "still together". Either way though the docs have been stamped by the county court so it should be good.
Just in case, I submitted the financial records earlier today with still almost a month 'til the 10 year mark.

Like if you file and the court doesnít hear from you in 90 days if the clock is set back to 0.

They treat it as an automatic response after a set number of days. I think it is 90. In case someone just doesn't want to cooperate.

Dismayed2012 posted 8/14/2020 11:39 AM

In general, divorce court sucks for men. Thankfully, I had the trifecta of a case even in my no-fault state; hard evidence (some judges allow for extenuating circumstances), a great men's lawyer, and an even-handed judge. I hope your case goes well.

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