X

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to Wayward Side

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Wayward Side

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Meditation

Bulcy posted 8/8/2020 04:09 AM

Part of the IC call I had yesterday related to meditation. It was recommended as a method to help focus the mind, both from a self healing and self reflection. Ultimately helping me with the whys and howís.

I do not have any idea on how to do this, but was recommended yo look at YouTube for guided meditation as a start. There are loads of videos on YouTube.

Can anyone recommend a video or series they have used (are using)?

SI Staff posted 8/8/2020 06:09 AM

   Moving to Wayward Side

gmc94 posted 8/8/2020 08:08 AM

Iím a BS, but I use an app on my phone called insight timer. The free version has a ton of guided meditations, and allows many filters (make/female voice, with or w/o music or religion, etc)

I am very happy with it

Rick Hansonís book ďResilienceĒ has some great exercises (itís a really great book- was a game changer for me). Many on SI recommend Pema Chodron (I couldnít get into it, but think thereís something about her writing style thatís just not as accessible to my brain). Hanson also has some books on meditation - I got them on CD from my local library


Another suggestion is to check you local library. Mine has a ton of resources - online and by borrowing CDs/DVDs

Okokok posted 8/8/2020 08:34 AM

There is an app called Headspace that I would highly recommend. It was recommended to me by a therapist.

There is a lot you can do on the app for free, and then as I recall there is a small monthly fee if you decide you want to go deeper.

LadyG posted 8/8/2020 19:28 PM

The wonderful thing about Meditation is that you can do it anywhere and any time.

I do Walking Meditation. This is helpful to refresh my mind.

In non COVID times outdoor meditation sitting on a beach or water I found the most helpful 🙏🏼

outofsorts posted 8/8/2020 21:20 PM

I have found meditation to be one of the most helpful tools for me since Dday.

I also asked WH to start meditating within a few days after Dday. I have a friend who (before I met him so this is self-reported) used to be incredibly closed off emotionally because he was trying to protect himself. He credits meditation with allowing him to open up, become vulnerable, and deal with difficult emotions. So when on Dday I asked WH why he cheated on me and his only response was "I don't know", meditation was one of the few things that I could think of that would be helpful.

I primarily use the Calm App ($60 per year) to meditate. I also just recently started using Insight Timer. As GMC said Insight Timer has a free version but I upgraded to the paid version (also $60) so that I could have access to one of the "courses" on "A Guide to Healing Trauma" that was recommended by one of the other posters here. I'm on day 5 of 11 of the course and I'd say so far it was worth the money to upgrade.

There are lots of free meditations on You Tube. I don't have any to recommend but if you just look around you'll find a lot available.

For books:

I also like Rick Hanson's Resilient
In Love with the World by Mingyur Yongey
10% Happier by Dan Harris
The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa, John Yates - this one is a long book on meditation but takes you through various stages and exercises from beginner through to adept meditator. I first checked it out from the library and then bought it because I thought I may need to refer to it later.

Seneca posted 8/9/2020 14:33 PM

Youtube, search "The Mindful Movement" meditations.

You will see many titles, choose one that speaks to you. Find a quiet place, use earbuds if you can and listen. Sarah Raymond will guide you.

These meditations brought me back from the ragged edge of insanity.....

Best wishes!

Pippin posted 8/10/2020 08:29 AM

Meditation is fine Bulcy, and can help calm your stress response and put you in a better space, but I wouldn't count on it to do the work of healing for you. It one of the things that makes the healing easier and prevents the stress response from getting in the way. And it can help calm your feelings so you can see your thoughts more clearly. Does that make sense? Also - daily practice. Practice in meditation is like practice in anything. You practice hitting baseballs every day in training so when you are in the Big Game you aren't doing it for the first time. So be sure to draw on your meditation skills when you have difficult interactions with your spouse or when you feel yourself slipping into old unproductive patterns.

hikingout posted 8/10/2020 12:12 PM

Mindfulness and Meditation has helped me connect with the true source of joy - it's within us. It's not from external sources. Pema Chadron has written some incredibly helpful insignts on this.

I do feel that was part of my healing because when you know how to find that inner source, you don't need to prop yourself up or pull yourself down fully by your external circumstances.

I also really liked Eckhardt Tolle's "The Power of Now". He does a lot of podcasts and more video stuff too if you are not a big reader. The book is also available on audible. It's not a quick read, it's something you have to take in a little at a time and practice and think about.

The reason I liked the book so much is one of the parts of mindfulness is being able to be a objective observer of your thoughts. It is life changing when we can realize that we shouldn't believe everything we think. We are our greatest enemies sometimes when we do that. It controls our actions, our emotions, everything. When you can get very quiet and not judge yourself you can start cleaning up some of that distorted thinking.

I am not a traditional meditator. I try and do that, but meditation can be just observing breaths, or being fully present in an activity. I can really let my mind go while I am cleaning or doing mundane tasks. When I am running.

Being present and mindful, and connected to yourself is also a very good bridge to building a relationship with youself in which you can gain more self-compassion and love. These were all crucial to my healing as a WS.

[This message edited by hikingout at 2:54 PM, August 10th (Monday)]

HouseOfPlane posted 8/10/2020 14:16 PM

It is life changing when we can realize that we shouldn't believe everything we think.
This is so true. A great book is The Book of Not-Knowing, which really delves into this idea. That 80 of what we accept as fact is actually created by us. How to see it, un-learn it, and actually see the truth.
I wouldn't count on it to do the work of healing for you.
When you can combine the quietness of meditation with the ability to hold a question at hand, you get contemplation. Simply hold the question "who am I" or "what was I seeking" as these floating questions can result in some deep discoveries.

But caution is due. You may not like what you find. At all. To do it you to hold The Truth as something of real value worth going after, and go wherever it takes you.

Bulcy posted 8/20/2020 11:30 AM

Thanks for the replies. I will be taking the advice. I have tried a few basic meditations on the apps listed above. I think I can get the hang of it (not falling asleep or thinking itís a bit stupid). I will let you know how it goes.

gmc94 posted 8/20/2020 11:49 AM

Call my crazy, but I sometimes turn my insight timer to a LONG guided meditation when I'm in bed. I believe that even if I fall asleep, my brain is still hearing the messaging from the app.

Return to Forum List

Return to Wayward Side

© 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy