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I just found and wife is being so cruel about it.

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Milk posted 7/2/2020 08:37 AM

We are negotiating a buyout, I will be purchasing the home. I refuse to let her displace me after all she has done. If I put her stuff in a storage shed on one of my families property, would that be Iíll advised?

fareast posted 7/2/2020 08:48 AM

I canít advise you on Canadian law. Consult your attorney. If your attorney advises that this would be legal and you are determined to do it, make sure you catalogue everything you have removed and take photos in storage to protect yourself from her claiming you damaged her property in the moving.

Bigheart2018 posted 7/2/2020 08:51 AM

Dear Milk,

Please note, the Board of Directors (BOD), HR and CEO have a legal fiduciary responsibility to a company. I would research or pay an outside source to find the names, personal/business address of each individual and send them the information you gave to her boss.


Milk posted 7/2/2020 10:32 AM

I contacted the HR department. They told me it was inappropriate that I was calling and to not call again. They didnít want to hear about the theft.. so thatís that. I donít get anything anymore.

KingofNothing posted 7/2/2020 13:21 PM

We are negotiating a buyout, I will be purchasing the home. I refuse to let her displace me after all she has done. If I put her stuff in a storage shed on one of my families property, would that be Iíll advised?

You can box her stuff up and put it in the garage as long as she has access to it. Is she going along with the scenario where she gets bought out and leaves the house this easily? I'm surprised.. you said she was being hostile about everything. What have you communicated to her about the house? Even saying "You're not welcome here" might be ammunition against you later. You might say it like: "Your presence.. even your voice.. is triggering to me at the moment, as a reminder of your betrayal. I wish to dissolve this marriage as quickly and cleanly as possible, and move on with my life to a stage where we can just be coparents who have nothing else to do with each other's lives but the mutual love and responsibility we have for our children. For the sake of healing, I need some separation from you".. or blah blah words to that effect.

It's tempting to be a hard ass, but that can really be something you regret later.
Best of luck, Milk.. I think your head is in the right place, but you're fixating on one or two items that will provide minimal payoff in the long run. It may be really satisfying to go after your wife in her place of employment, but if she gets canned, guess what, you'll be on the hook to support the cheating ex and your kids. For you own future, she needs to stay employed. I know that sucks, because you want there to be consequences.. Stop believing in this mythical "Cheater's Karma", because it doesn't exist. Sometimes, the bad guys just get away with stuff, go off and live their lives and talk shit about you endlessly. Shrug. Sometimes, they don't. You have to let that go, eventually, either way.

As for the POSOM, why go after him with HR? You see it's a dead end, unless you want to elevate it to a point where your wife will be fired for certain. Is that what you want?

So.. why havent' you called his wife? or Have you? All these stories mix up after a while, forgive me.

goalong posted 7/2/2020 13:28 PM

The company is mean. Did you have a chance to record it? You should have sent them an email or a letter hoping to get a response in writing. I do not know but it may that you can sue them later on when everything have settled. Hope you focus less on getting revenge or anything. Like you have already started do the best you can. Do not go snooping around. It is pain shopping
Keeping your head high and progressing is the best response to her betrayal. Hope she and POS make a mess of it because of her infatuation. Keeping in contact with OBS may help to tighten the noose around POS

[This message edited by goalong at 1:38 PM, July 2nd (Thursday)]

Milk posted 7/2/2020 15:18 PM

I basically shamed her to make her leave. I literally stomped my foot on the ground and told her she would not be staying there. I then had my mother move in as a way to not only make it uncomfortable for her if she decided to come back, but because I needed the close support of someone. I also wanted help with the children, as well as a witness to be around. She has tried multiple times to come back however. I have done my upmost to buy her out as quickly as possible. I have sever anxiety given the fact she could walk in the door at any moment.

I understand the repercussions of contacting her employer. I know the her affair started and progressed at her work so I hold them peripherally accountable. Mostly I want people to know who they are dealing with. She has been accused of being mean at work, so I thought this would shed some light. I also know she is actively trying to hide/mitigate the affair which damages me and my reputation. But I agree that in the long term it provides no benefits for me. I am just in such a dark hole at the moment I am grasping for something.

ShutterHappy posted 7/2/2020 16:16 PM

But I agree that in the long term it provides no benefits for me.

It doesnít. If you D, how could it be to your advantage that she loses her job? Is she earning more than you? You could get alimony if she does.... Talk to a lawyer to know what is best for you.

squid posted 7/2/2020 18:04 PM

Definitely write an email or letter. It leaves a trail. I guarantee their position will change once there is a recordable correspondence.

Buffer posted 7/2/2020 18:14 PM

Inform HR in writing ✍️ and some supporting information. Then you canít do any more other than highlight the theft to security etc.
If possible leave emotions out of the corespondents just factual information.
One day at a time

steadychevy posted 7/2/2020 18:34 PM

I tried to get my XWW's POS COW fired for conflict of interest. I had two agricultural programs he dealt with before I knew about the adultery. He declined both. I objected. He fed me crumbs. I appealed and won both.

After I found out I tried to get him fired. There were rules that he couldn't work on his own families files or wife's or girlfriends, etc. He worked on the husband of the wife he was screwing. The corp found that there was no conflict of interest. Their own code of conduct says there was. My documents were in writing but their communication was verbal with me. I think their lawyers told them to admit nothing.

Bigheart2018 posted 7/2/2020 19:51 PM

Contacting the HR, BOD and CEO should be in writing via your attorney.

oldtruck posted 7/2/2020 20:01 PM

yes work place exposure must be done in writing. and
at this point it needs to be handled by a lawyer. one that knows
employment and discrimination laws.

Milk posted 7/2/2020 21:31 PM

I did not do it in writing. I just phoned, I thought someone might care. Anyway, I now have a cease and desist letter... I just need to move on. This anger is only hurting me.

Buffer posted 7/3/2020 01:36 AM

Sorry about that, was the cease and desist letter from her work or her itself?

Milk posted 7/3/2020 12:14 PM

It was from her. I didnít say anything slanderous and I have texts to back it all up, so Iím not worried about that. My lawyer just thinks it not a good idea. Basically in Canada there is no moral fault. She got to do what she did and I get to live with it. Itís very hard knowing she will get away with it. Her extended family wonít have a clue and she can say whatever she wants. I just canít believe I lived with this person for ten years.

goalong posted 7/3/2020 14:41 PM

Better to stop trying to get back at her. Do your things even better. The past you cannot change. She is on her way to self damage.
push/pull selfish interactions with OM
work place increasingly getting uncomfortable even if it is not she is in doubt always
Her self doubt with her friends and family even if they pretend to be on her side.
etc .etc.
The better you perform/progress the more she feel at a loss

The1stWife posted 7/4/2020 07:26 AM

You think there no repercussions from Her affair.

There are. You just donít see them yet.

The kids will have to know the truth at some point. Not the details but ďmom has a boyfriend or ďmom decided to disrespect me by having a boyfriend while we were married ď. Just enough to know YOU did not cause this.

She will most likely bounce around from guy to guy if she is a typical cheater. Most relationships that start as affairs donít last.

She will pay alimony and child support.

Deep down she will feel shame one day. She may never admit it but she will. And it will eat her alive. She will try to run from it - but the pain will be there and she will cover it up with drugs or anything she can to get rid of it. Food, alcohol, etc. whatever it takes.

Donít get revenge. Itís not worth your energy. You need to focus on you & your kids in a positive and productive way.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:28 AM, July 4th (Saturday)]

Westway posted 7/7/2020 10:25 AM

The truth always comes back, and it will bite her in the ass one day.

Dismayed2012 posted 7/7/2020 10:57 AM

Ditto what 'The1stWife' and 'Westway' said.

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