X

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22

Buffer posted 8/15/2020 08:35 AM

In with anger, out with love.
She left something, well sorry you have five days from departure to pick it up from the garage or it goes to the dumpster.
One day at a time
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/16/2020 14:47 PM

Everything is going well this weekend. Spoke with WW this morning that she has to be the one to tell the kids what is going on and her moving two states away this coming weekend to start our separation. Both DD16 and DS18 know what is going on and informed STBXW that it is best coming from her mouth rather than mine. Her explanation to me was "why should I and they already know what is going on". Again, had to explain that this was in her best interest and if not could damage the relationship with the kids further(it's already pretty damaged and taking on water).

Anyways, WW took out DD for lunch this afternoon to explain and DD was visibly crestfallen and upset when both came home. DD16 was under the impression that she would be coming back home and was genuinely concerned for her mother because of her job (DD stated this to me last night).

Sorry for rambling on.

*edited for grammar*

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 2:49 PM, August 16th (Sunday)]

KingofNothing posted 8/16/2020 18:01 PM

Anyways, WW took out DD for lunch this afternoon to explain and DD was visibly crestfallen and upset when both came home. DD16 was under the impression that she would be coming back home and was genuinely concerned for her mother because of her job (DD stated this to me last night).

Hi, HB.

Are you saying your DD has been watching your STBX actively move out of the house for a month, and she still thinks her mom is going to live at home after all of what’s happened? Or am I reading that wrong? Your DD has known what her mom has been up to from the beginning of the affair. She knew before you did. Baffling!

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/16/2020 19:09 PM

She did know what was up and she did discover the A. I wanted STBXW to tell DD exactly what was going on and that she is moving out of state to be with POSOM. Wanted WW to make it official.

thatbpguy posted 8/16/2020 19:11 PM

Wanted WW to make it official.

Any idea if she put a spin on it?

oldtruck posted 8/17/2020 00:28 AM

never allow a WS to tell the kids alone for they will:

lie, lie by commission and lie by omission

put a spin on things

blame shift

false justify their actions

falsely re-write history

deflect responsibility

[This message edited by oldtruck at 2:05 PM, August 17th (Monday)]

Westway posted 8/17/2020 08:47 AM

"why should I and they already know what is going on"

Wow. Defiant to the end.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/17/2020 10:22 AM

oldtruck, DD16 knows exactly what is going on and is not allowing WW to do any blame shifting or lies by omission. DD is pretty street smart and will call WW out each and every time when she lies. This is why she came back all pissed off yesterday afternoon. I'm not going to ask her what they talked since it was between them. It's not my place to know. WW needs to be the one to repair the damage she caused with the kids.

The only thing I care about now is........four days and a wake-up until WW is gone!!!!

Buffer posted 8/19/2020 23:15 PM

How you doing brother? Have or do you need to have a bargain basement clearance sale for all of her items left behind?
It is going to be a big hangover when she is gone!
Strength to you in this time of upheaval. You have conducted yourself with a pride that she is lacking.
One day at a time and out of infidelity
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/20/2020 06:02 AM

Everything is going good brother Buffer. WW is moving more of her stuff out of the house. She's been taking a lot of her clothes that haven't been worn for ages over to the thrift store. We're both indifferent to each other at this point and just need to move on which is happening. Pretty amazing how fast it's gone once the process started. Didn't think I would be able to do this almost nine months ago but I'm proud that I didn't give in and rug sweep which is where it was going. Proud of myself for standing my ground and not allowing someone to walk all over my boundaries. I've learned a lot about myself over this time. There is pride in that alone. Pretty soon I'll be heading over to the D/S side of SI and continuing the journey out of infidelity. It's a long a slow travel but will be so much better on the other side and just need to go through the middle of the storm.

Ginny posted 8/20/2020 06:11 AM

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Good for you! You have come so far. It is great to hear that you are in such a position of STRENGTH now. Bravo!

Bigger posted 8/20/2020 06:21 AM

Best word in your last post is indifferent
The opposite of love and caring is not hate, but indifference.
Indifference moves her out of your mind and releases whatever control she might have there.

siracha posted 8/20/2020 07:12 AM

Onwards and upwards ! Congrats again on getting your life back

Buffer posted 8/20/2020 07:15 AM

Bravo Zulu brother, we in our navy would splice the main brace (Rum Issue).
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/20/2020 07:20 AM

Ginny, it's been a long time coming and thank you for your kind words. My heart is ready to move on and this is just a step further in the right direction.

Bigger, indifference it is. With that indifference has come acceptance. Thought I would ride the 5 stages longer. Still get triggered every once and while but working on conquering those by focusing my energy on other things like taking a long walk (COVID sucks and I need my weights), and breaking out the guitar trying to work on a new song or getting the technique down. No need to focus those energies on WW because she is going to do what she wants to do (she's done that the whole M regardless). I'm extricating myself from it.

fooled13years posted 8/20/2020 07:30 AM

heartbrokeninNC

The only thing I care about now is........four days and a wake-up until WW is gone

I want to prepare you for a possible situation.

Your WW may turn on the waterworks when she is leaving.

The tears will not be for you, the marriage or the children, they will be for her to show the kids that she really didn't want to leave and if you would have forgiven her or worked harder to change she would have stayed.

She really doesn't want to stay, even if you would have forgiven her or changed everything about yourself, the tears may be laying the foundation for repair of her relationships with the children in the future.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/20/2020 07:35 AM

Thanks siracha, it's been a long time coming and I know Saturday morning will be bittersweet but it's all for the best.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/20/2020 08:22 AM

The tears will not be for you, the marriage or the children, they will be for her to show the kids that she really didn't want to leave and if you would have forgiven her or worked harder to change she would have stayed.

She really doesn't want to stay, even if you would have forgiven her or changed everything about yourself, the tears may be laying the foundation for repair of her relationships with the children in the future.

That is exactly what she is going to do. With the kids being older they know exactly what is going on. Their mother carried on the A right in front of them and not only disrespected me but also them. It's going to take a long time to mend the fences but even then there will be some ambivalence towards her. WW and POSOM destroyed both families but they won't realize due to their narcissism.

thatbpguy posted 8/20/2020 09:15 AM

It's going to take a long time to mend the fences but even then there will be some ambivalence towards her.

My wife has twin sons. They knew their dad abused her and his OCD is well over the top. He pushed and played for their heart ever since she fled from him. Did everything he could to buy their love... Now they're 30, married, good jobs and they spend well over 90% of their time with their mother. It's her they seek advice from, want to go paddle boarding with.... Kids always know who truly loves them and who doesn't. You do. She doesn't. They will know that the rest of their lives.

fooled13years posted 8/20/2020 09:30 AM

It's going to take a long time to mend the fences but even then there will be some ambivalence towards her

I caution you not to speak badly of their mother when she is gone. They know what she has done.

I would recommend that when the time is right that you encourage them to maintain some type of relationship with their mother.

Regardless of everything she has done she is still the only mother they will ever have.

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

© 2002-2020 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy