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Grateful for this site

Havokcon25 posted 2/22/2020 11:33 AM

To start off, I wanted to say that I am grateful for this site even though I had just discovered it last night.

This past Monday, my husband of almost 3 years (we have been together for almost 8 years) had called me home and asked me to call out of work to come home to talk. My first thoughts were someone had died or he had lost his job. I guess with this mindframe, it cushioned the blow of him telling me that he had an affair.

Though I was feeling numb, I started asking questions. With who, how long, why, etc. Most of the questions that this wonderful site has confirmed is normal. We both cried and talked of reconciling. Still today, I am asking open questions of where to start and where to go to work on our marriage.

I feel grateful that even though this is my first post and I just started reading in the healing library, this site and community will help my healing process.

Thank you again.

Cooley2here posted 2/22/2020 11:59 AM

Why did he decide to tell you? Iím guessing the OW has a bs who threatened to contact you. Thatís usually how the ďhonestyĒ starts.
You didnít give much info. How long did it last? Do they work together? Was he trolling on dating sites? All of that info, and more, help us help you.

betrayedafter20 posted 2/22/2020 13:44 PM

Dear Grateful,

IMO it doesn't matter why he decided to tell you. Perhaps it was damage control - but he said he was willing to reconcile. That's all you need. If he's sincere, insist to get into a support group and/or some counseling right away before he gets too comfortable. If you believe in marriage, and you are both committed to making it work - it likely will. I wish you the best. I'm so sorry it happened. It will take you a long time to trust again but you can, if you want to and he cooperates.

you may also find some helpful articles at the site marriagemissions.org that I found were excellent for helping my WH to understand what I needed from him after the affair. It is a faith-based site but the information is very pertinent even if you are not a follower.

In the long run, it didn't work out for us - we had a few good years after we reconciled you can see my story on my first post the other day "2nd time numb and scared"- but our situation is much more complicated and we've been together 25 years - so don't give up yet. Your marriage is still young and there is still room for change and new patterns.

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