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Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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Mr. Kite posted 2/3/2020 20:45 PM

tbkjcn

You had a double heart wrenching ordeal to go through. So sorry this happened to you and the rest of the pet lovers here on this site. It is brutal.

Everywhere I walk and drive by myself reminds me of Flash because he went with me just about everywhere. Not to mention how hysterical he would get whenever I came home even if I was only gone for 30 minutes.

I've decided that there's not any more dogs in my future.

That's understandable. For myself I need to fill that vacuum and quickly or I fear I will fall into a deep depression. Over my lifetime I've had two German Shepherds, a Schnauzer, an Old English Sheepdog, an Alaskan Malamute, an American Eskimo Spitz, and a Beagle. Unlike some people we unfortunately have known, dogs are loyal and faithful. I need that type of pure love in my life even if it eventually leads to loss.

somejaykid posted 2/3/2020 21:01 PM

hey guy's what's going on tonight, here I am at work with downtime got nothing else to do beside reading threads from here. bored and trying to get my mind out of what's going on with my x and my kids

Mr. Kite posted 2/4/2020 09:55 AM

hey guy's what's going on tonight, here I am at work with downtime got nothing else to do beside reading threads from here. bored and trying to get my mind out of what's going on with my x and my kids

Read through your threads. Wow! What a sad situation with a 1 year old daughter and a 5 year old son to take care of while your WW bails out on your family.

Our son was 2 years old when my WW first strayed. It always made me wonder what kind of a mother could be that thoughtless and selfish when she has babies at home. So sorry you are going through this. Peace and strength to you.

tbkjcn posted 2/5/2020 14:17 PM

Everywhere I walk and drive by myself reminds me of Flash

I know it's been months, but I can't bring myself to put up her bed that's next to mine. That just seems too final. Kinda like I haven't deleted a friend out of my phone contacts. He died suddenly from a massive heart attack like 8 years ago, the same kind that nearly got me a few years ago (and on the same day of the year even). But whenever I go to delete his contact from my phone, it just seems like "Well, time to get rid of Ron."

Not to mention how hysterical he would get whenever I came home

My dad's dog is that way. He had a pair of siblings too, and his little boy died about 6 months before my boy did. His little girl, she goes crazy whenever he comes into the house, no matter how long it was. She gets so excited that she ends up having to run at top speed from one end of the house to the other, doing power drifts around the corners.

I need that type of pure love in my life even if it eventually leads to loss.

You're really not helping my resolve . I really miss having a dog. And this morning when I was sitting there at the mechanics hoping to finally get a transmission problem solved, I opened the paper to a half page ad, with pictures, from the local no-kill shelter. (All my dogs have come from what I like to call the used dog store). But it really wouldn't be fair to them. With my new job (I guess it really isn't new anymore after two years, but my last job lasted 15 years, so it still feels new) I'm gone 10 hours a day. I felt bad leaving her at home all day every day, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I don't want to do that to a new dog so I make the choice to be lonely. Dogs deserve to have company.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 2:17 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

Mr. Kite posted 2/5/2020 16:33 PM

tbkjcn

I'm retired so my situation is different than yours. Maybe one day that will change and you'll have all the time you need for that one special dog.

I know it's been months, but I can't bring myself to put up her bed that's next to mine.

Same here. His mattress on the floor next to my bed is still there.

sisoon posted 2/6/2020 14:45 PM

I know it's been months, but I can't bring myself to put up her bed that's next to mine.
If you're still grieving, that doesn't seem like a problem to me. Why cut ties you don't have to cut?

If you think a dog needs company - 2 dogs? Not a joke, that's what a friend of ours did.

Incarnate posted 2/6/2020 17:29 PM

Hey, everyone. I got sidelined on a few other threads on here, in General and New Beginnings.

I'm sorry about your loss, Mr Kite. I lost my dog Thor, a half Boxer half Black Lab, in the summer of 2008. I raised him from a pup. He was the ugliest, dumbest, goodest boy ever. Terrified of cats. Hated possums and snakes. Any time he saw a snake, he went for it with a fury that he showed nowhere else in anything ever.

That was his undoing. He'd killed hundreds of blacksnakes and copperheads, dozens of water moccasins, even going so far as to knock my kids out of the way of them when they were about to step on the copperheads. It's like he knew they were dangerous, so he was protecting us from them. Unfortunately, he got ahold of a cottonmouth too far back and got bit in the neck. He was gone in about 20 minutes. I built him a wooden box, set it on top of a pyramid of straw and cedar logs, and sent him to Valhalla.

I am of the same mind as tbkjcn. No more dogs in my future. I'm so busy with so many things, I can't give them the time and attention they deserve, and they would be very lonely living with me. I won't inflict that on a living creature. My cats, well, they're self-maintaining, very independent, but dogs are far more social.

In other news, yeah, I am super happy with the way my bed turned out. It's strange, but it feels more comfortable and I sleep better on it, even though I'm using the same mattress and the same boxspring as before. It shouldn't make any difference at all. But it's just more solid. I can bounce and flop and flip and roll and the bed doesn't move, and it's -so nice-.

I'm planning on making a matching bedroom set to go with it. This is just a concept picture at this point; I'll probably get rid of most of the star inlays and just keep them smooth maple on at least the end tables. I might go ahead and put the one on the dresser. That one would have a poured resin top to cover over the veneer and make it glassy smooth.

I may have to wait to do all of that until I move out. I don't have a ton of room in my space for it right now. I might be able to do the bedside tables.

In OTHER other news, the ex and I haven't fought in a while. We're settling into a sort of distant, non-abusive ignoring of each other. I am more and more able to keep my anger under control and ignore her antagonistic bullshit.

I've met someone, and I asked her out on a date, but the comedy show I wanted to take her to was on the day she was leaving for Vegas with her kids and her mother to celebrate her 40th birthday over President's week. I get it, and she was super apologetic, which she totally didn't need to be - I'd choose a week in Vegas too!

She's five years my senior, which is fine, and she seems really interested in me. In fact, she was the one to reach out, as opposed to me doing it. She doesn't seem to be relying on me compliment bombing her like the other lady was. We have actual intelligent, meaningful conversations. I don't feel as excited/desperate about her as I did over the first woman, probably because it'll be 6 months from my final DDay on Valentine's Day, so I'm a little more over it all.

She's not my usual type, being a little thicker and a blonde, almost as tall as me, whereas I usually go for short, petite brunettes, but she's cute as hell and knows what she wants out of life, owns her own successful business, divorced for 8 years, and isn't looking for a sugardaddy, so that's good.

Anyways, happy Thursday, gentlemen.

LosferWords posted 2/9/2020 12:44 PM

No, but I had an Alaskan Malamute who I found in a shelter in California. Huskies and Malamutes have some familiar character traits from what I've read. A Border Collie might be a reach for an older guy like me. I've been warned that they will tear up the house if they get bored, and I'm a pretty boring guy.

Mr. K - I had a husky before I had a Malamute, and I was quite surprised at how much more calm the malamute was than the husky. They did share a lot of the same traits (stubbornness being #1), but the Malamute was much more laid back and less destructive. The husky was a supreme escape artist as well. In fact, he escaped and was picked up by someone two miles from our house just days before he had to be put to sleep. The guy never calmed down until the very last few days of his life. On a side note, I follow a dog rescue group on facebook (I am glutton for punishment), and saw a husky/border collie mix that needed rescued this past week. His face had asshole written all over it, and part of his description was "Not good with chickens. Not good with cats."

hey guy's what's going on tonight, here I am at work with downtime got nothing else to do beside reading threads from here. bored and trying to get my mind out of what's going on with my x and my kids

somejaykid - How have things been going for you this past week? What do you normally do to get your mind off things and help cope? Any hobbies, activities that you do? Probably kind of hard with the age of your kids, but hopefully you are able to carve out a little wedge of time for yourself here and there.

Incarnate - That's a nice looking setup! Even if you don't have room in your current living situation, it's always good to put plans in place. Gives you something to look forward to. Good on you, man.

We're settling into a sort of distant, non-abusive ignoring of each other. I am more and more able to keep my anger under control and ignore her antagonistic bullshit.

That's 100% perfect for where you are at right now. Detach. 180. Communicate civilly and non-emotionally about kids and finances. You've got this!

The young lady you are interested in sounds pretty nice. I can still call her a young lady, as I believe I'm about a decade older than you, which would make her about five years younger than me. Honestly, five years is not that much of an age difference. Hope you are able to catch up with her soon and see if things click. If they click, cool, if not, the worst that can happen is you've made a new friend.

Hope you gents are having a good weekend. I'm going through football withdrawal.

Tred posted 2/9/2020 14:36 PM

I'm going through football withdrawal.

I hear you mate. And the XFL doesn't quite do it for me. Plus, it's up against college basketball and golf. I'd rather watch Pebble Beach, that's a beautiful course. I'd love to have a chance to play it once. Getting close to warm enough to go out on the local digs here though. And spring is coming, so need to do all the garden prep. No bandwidth for the XFL.

Cheers Menz, hope everyone is doing well enough.

wifehad5 posted 2/9/2020 15:45 PM

I grew up with dogs, but my wife didn't. The summer before our daughter was born we adopted what turned out to be the worst Sheltie in the world. He went to live with Grandma when our son was born.

When my Dad died a few years later, his 14 year old English Setter came to live with us. Two years later my Mom died, so the worst Sheltie in the world came back. Being 13 he had settled down quite a bit. We had a good few years, but old dogs don't last forever, so we had two heart breaks within a few years.

The house felt weird with no dog, so within a short time, we found a beautiful female English Setter who was 8 and needed a home. We fell in love with her, and she had her forever home. Unfortunately our vet told us she was at least 10 if not older. We had two good years with her before her kidneys failed. More heart break.

Again, the house felt weird with no dog. Within two months we found yet another English Setter, this one four years old, and 500 miles away. After going through the longest, most invasive back ground checks, we were headed south a month later to pick him up.

Those old dogs were loved, and ultimately I'm glad they had a good home in their final years. I've learned that I can't be without a dog. It just feels weird.

Mr. Kite posted 2/10/2020 09:57 AM

I built him a wooden box, set it on top of a pyramid of straw and cedar logs, and sent him to Valhalla.

A perfect way to go. I'd like that for myself but have been told it's illegal. Sorry I'm not able to chime in on your building projects but I have zero talent for that type of thing. WW has referred to me as Mr. Bad-Wrench. Everything I try to fix or build turns into a disaster.

I follow a dog rescue group on facebook (I am glutton for punishment), and saw a husky/border collie mix that needed rescued this past week.

Could you pass the name of that group onto me?

I've learned that I can't be without a dog. It just feels weird.

Same here.

Last Friday I had made arrangements to adopt a 3-year old female German Shepherd. I grew up with two of them and know the breed well. Went to PetSmart and bought over $100 worth of food, treats, bowls, toys, and everything else needed for a new dog.

But WW threw a hissy fit because she claims to be afraid of big dogs. Our Malamute weighed around 120 lbs so WTH? I cancelled the whole thing because I knew I'd never stop being nagged about it.

The good thing that came out of it was that after two weeks of holding in my grief I went down to the basement and wept for ten minutes. It was a welcome relief.

WW's polygraph exam is on the 20th of this month, her birthday. We received an email this morning that had questions to be answered prior to the exam by the "subject" and the "accuser." But we don't have a scanner as required. It's always something. SMH.

LosferWords posted 2/10/2020 14:28 PM

Getting close to warm enough to go out on the local digs here though. And spring is coming, so need to do all the garden prep. No bandwidth for the XFL.

Sounds great, Tred. I need to start prepping as well. I'll actually get to do some gardening this year, which excites me! I do need to work on a hail mitigation plan, as it can get quite bad where I am at.

Those old dogs were loved, and ultimately I'm glad they had a good home in their final years. I've learned that I can't be without a dog. It just feels weird.

WH5 - That was excellent of you to give those old dogs homes. It is heartbreaking to see them go, but I'm so glad they had a loving family to be with during their sunset years. It does feel weird not having a dog. I'm definitely going to have to get one before my son goes off to college.

Could you pass the name of that group onto me?

Mr. K - Will do, although it is somewhat local to my region. Man, I am very sorry to hear about the German Shepard not working out. Is it wrong of me to wish you had the dog instead of your WW? They have scanner apps for smartphones. They work so-so, but they can do in a pinch, and might save you some hassle. Good luck with the poly. I hope you keep us posted.

Mr. Kite posted 2/10/2020 15:43 PM

Is it wrong of me to wish you had the dog instead of your WW?

Ha Ha!

They have scanner apps for smartphones.

I'm one of the last holdouts. Still don't have a cell phone. Will work it out some other way.

WornDown posted 2/10/2020 15:48 PM

Again, the house felt weird with no dog. Within two months we found yet another English Setter, this one four years old, and 500 miles away. After going through the longest, most invasive back ground checks, we were headed south a month later to pick him up.

Those old dogs were loved, and ultimately I'm glad they had a good home in their final years. I've learned that I can't be without a dog. It just feels weird.

That's the way I've seen a lot of dog people, myself included, react to the death of their dog.

First, nope, no more dogs. Then a few months go by and then...New dog.

Oh, and BTW - Setters are the best! I swear, they think they are people.

(I've got one, have had three)

WornDown posted 2/10/2020 15:54 PM

More on dogs and Setters...

IMO, some of the best quotes about dogs' impact on our lives are by George Bird Evans - a prolific writer about hunting grouse over Setters in the West Virginia woods. Examples:

Mr. Kite posted 2/10/2020 16:28 PM

Some wonderful quotes. Thanks WornDown.

Incarnate posted 2/10/2020 20:43 PM

Welp.

I'm sitting in my car, waiting for.the time to walk into the coffee shop bakery that the lady I've been talking to asked me out to.

This is, honestly, my first date as an adult. Little nervous. Mostly excited.

Wish me luck!

LosferWords posted 2/12/2020 13:41 PM

Too late to wish you luck, but how did it go, Incarnate?

Incarnate posted 2/12/2020 14:18 PM

It went okay. I went in about 5 minutes early, got myself a coffee and a scone, and sat down. She showed up right on time.

I'll admit, she's... bigger than I expected. She's a big girl. 5'8" and no idea on weight. I'm bad at gauging that; I carry my weight really well. Nobody ever guesses I'm 275lbs, they always guess closer to 230-240. She is probably at least as heavy as I am, but she doesn't have my muscle mass, so... it's mostly soft.

Regardless, we sat and talked until the coffee shop closed, and we clicked on an intellectual and personal level. She's cute as hell, adorable, really, and I could tell she is very attracted to me based on where the conversation naturally went. She asked a lot of questions, and I decided to not really hold anything back. I'm good with people, and I know I'm naturally charismatic, and I could also tell that was having an effect.

I felt, though, like I'd been picked out of a lineup and this was an interview process. Maybe that's what dating is. Admittedly, I have next to no experience in such things.

her size might be a bit of an issue, but I am also aware that I am simply used to having a slender woman as my partner for the last half of my life, so some of it could just be that I am unfamiliar with that body type. The two girls I dated before I met my ex were big girls, and I was just fine with them, but that was in my teens.

We both hinted at a second date, so we'll definitely go out again. I suppose we'll see how it goes. i was a little worried that I didn't feel any sort of 'spark' upon first seeing her, which I did with my ex, but I also am aware that with this being my first date, I am still battling feelings of 'this is wrong' like I am betraying someone or something by going out on a date. That is bound to cast everything in a certain shadow, and I am logically aware of that.

I am also in no way looking for a long term relationship to just swan dive into. I think getting into an LTR straight out of my failed marriage is a bad, bad idea. I know it is a bad idea, really. I know my ex played the field in secret for a while before hooking into her degenerates.

It's weird. I'm both relieved and kinda disappointed. She's a fantastic lady, but I'm worried that I won't develop a passionate attraction to her, and she deserves that, but I'm also aware that I really have no idea what I'm doing.

Do any of us, really, after this?

Tred posted 2/13/2020 21:28 PM

I'm a tad late to the Dogside Fire Chat going on, but I'll throw a couple of random thoughts out there. I've always been partial to yellow labs, and the Christmas before last was the first our family didn't have one under the tree with us in over a quarter century. I had a registered kennel when we lived in Australia, and one national champion. We brought back one of her pups to the US but never bred her. Last one was the only that was around at DDay, and finally succumbed to diabetes at 14. Before that, we had made the decision that as the pets succumb, we aren't replacing them and now we are down to one 16 year old cat that's a pain in the ass. We've always had pets, but the kids are gone and we aren't getting younger so we are going pet free. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future. I loved my labs, and always wanted an Australian Blue Heeler, but for now we'll have to settle for OPD's (other peoples dogs).

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