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Man suing wife for money spent on OM's child he thought was his

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GoldenR posted 7/4/2019 02:57 AM

Saw this story on a news site....

He's suing his STBXWW for every dollar he spent on the now 8-yr old boy after discovering the boy isn't his. He's also suing to make her identify the OM.

The judge described him as being filled with controlled rage. And he described the WW as very remorseful.

It's hard for me to believe she's remorseful if she misled him for 8 years.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 3:10 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]

The1stWife posted 7/4/2019 05:59 AM

Good for him! But what about the relationship with the child? Is he abandoning that? I hope not.

Carissima posted 7/4/2019 06:00 AM

I agree it's a completely heinous thing to do, kinda want more info though. Things like, when did she find out, was it intentional for the full 8 years or did she find out say 6 years in as a result of an accident or something. I'm NOT saying anything excuses what she did, getting pregnant during an affair equals instant reveal in my book!

I'm also concerned about the boy who appears to have lost the only father he's ever known, a man who's now filled with controlled rage. I wonder if there's still contact or if the man just suddenly stopped it. I hope he's in IC and someone's taken the time to explain and keep explaining that he's not to blame and is in fact a victim too. I can't imagine life with the mother is too fun these days, not to mention if the man wins then the boy's standard of life and future will not be too secure. Not the man's concern I agree but still a concern and strange to me that it's something he doesn't seem to consider, unless they are all wealthy that is.

Fenderguy posted 7/4/2019 08:20 AM

My son is 8. If I found out today that he wasnít really my son, but rather the result of my wife cheating 8-9 years ago... he would still be MY son. The bond I have formed with my son is deep, and real, and nothing will ever change that. I would consider every dime spent on MY child to be worth it, because he is my son, I am his father. I am the only father heís ever known. Heís the only son Iíve ever had. The guy in this story is a self centered prick.

My WW, on the other hand, I would absolutely drop like a hot potato. Sheíd be out of my life so fast she would be spinning.

Fenderguy posted 7/4/2019 08:23 AM

double post

[This message edited by Fenderguy at 8:24 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]

GoldenR posted 7/4/2019 08:31 AM

There really was no other info....yet. it was all a judge commenting on the case.

ramius posted 7/4/2019 10:51 AM

I hope the guys lawsuit succeeds. But I doubt it will.

The courts have set a precedent of making men pay for children that are not theirs. A guy in TX had to pay &65,000 in child support for a kid that was not his.

The courts position many times is that by being married to the mother, and having your name on the birth certificate, you are the default father of the child. And are responsible financially.

But maybe cases like these will start to change things.

In the UK home DNA testing is revealing that the number of men raising kids they did not know were not theirs is much higher than previously thought.

LosferWords posted 7/4/2019 11:45 AM

My son is 8. If I found out today that he wasnít really my son, but rather the result of my wife cheating 8-9 years ago... he would still be MY son. The bond I have formed with my son is deep, and real, and nothing will ever change that. I would consider every dime spent on MY child to be worth it, because he is my son, I am his father. I am the only father heís ever known. Heís the only son Iíve ever had.

Exactly how I felt when I found out my son was not mine a month before he turned 7. He's now 15, knows everything, and we are closer than ever.

The guy in this story is a self centered prick.

I disagree with this part, until we hear the whole story. We don't know this man's back story, and all he has had to deal with. I understand his sense of wanting justice, and perhaps he is doing what he needs to do legally to protect himself financially and protect his personal relationship with his son. The context of this post leaves way too many aspects unknown. OC situations are difficult and complex, especially when it comes to legal matters and the rights of the presumed father.

firenze posted 7/4/2019 12:05 PM

I hope he gets back every dime. Paternity fraud is evil, and every woman who has committed paternity fraud is evil.

BobPar posted 7/4/2019 12:08 PM

If the man just found out about his stbxWW's infidelity, the boy could be a huge trigger. Would that affect the father-son dynamic in this instance? I think it could.

survrus posted 7/4/2019 13:25 PM


I think a just settlement in such cases would be.

That each of the three involved parents should be responsible for 1/3 of the cost raising the child. The biological father did get to enjoy raising the child for however long before finding out.

If the legal father abandons the child because of the illegitimacy then from that date on the biological parents should each share 50% financial responsibility.

firenze posted 7/4/2019 13:40 PM

If the legal father abandons the child because of the illegitimacy then from that date on the biological parents should each share 50% financial responsibility.

I'd also add that once the child turns 18, the mother should owe the man she defrauded financial restitution for a number of years equal to that which he spent financially supporting the child.

[This message edited by firenze at 1:41 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]

LosferWords posted 7/4/2019 17:20 PM

There is no justice in this type of situation. The guy who raises the kid either terminates rights if he is within the statute of limitation in the state he is living in, or he continues to be the presumed father because he is on the birth certificate, and is at the mercy of the court. If she decides to leave and raise this child with the OM, the presumed father, the BH, is responsible for child support.

I am living in this situation, and I find it funny that when I reply to these threads, nobody responds or acknowledges me or my experience.

Carissima posted 7/4/2019 17:35 PM

LosferWords, I'm not in the US but surely if the man can produce a paternity test proving without a doubt he is not the father he can petition the court to be removed from the birth certificate?

I agree nothing about this situation is fair for the man or the son. If more of my concern is for the son at this time is for the son at this time it's is only because he is so young and as I said previously I hope he is getting help dealing with the situation.

LosferWords posted 7/4/2019 17:54 PM

LosferWords, I'm not in the US but surely if the man can produce a paternity test proving without a doubt he is not the father he can petition the court to be removed from the birth certificate?

Carissima - in my particular state, the presumed father (in the context we are talking about here, the BH), cannot petition the court after the child is two years old. In other states I've heard it is three years old, five years old, or two years after finding out the child is not theirs. The laws are different in every country and state within that country. Thanks for at least responding to me.

Carissima posted 7/4/2019 18:59 PM

That seems odd, especially in situations like yours and this mans.

I suppose there is always the termination of parental rights, making sure the petition mentions legal paternity so you are not just seem as being a total bastard running out on the child but I don't really know how that would work either.

ETA it sounds like a truly horrible situation to be in.

[This message edited by Carissima at 7:00 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]

Unhinged posted 7/4/2019 19:25 PM

I am living in this situation, and I find it funny that when I reply to these threads, nobody responds or acknowledges me or my experience.
FWIW, every time I read a thread about an OC or similar situation, I immediately think of you (and something you wrote to me in a thread long, long ago).

northeasternarea posted 7/4/2019 19:50 PM

Losfr Words, I really think it is unconscionable that men can be ordered by courts to pay for children that arenít theirs. Itís paternity fraud. I really think paternity testing should become the norm.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 7:50 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]

firenze posted 7/4/2019 20:04 PM

LosferWords, I'm not in the US but surely if the man can produce a paternity test proving without a doubt he is not the father he can petition the court to be removed from the birth certificate?

The law is different depending on which state you're in but generally speaking you've got a couple years at most to disestablish paternity and relinquish parental rights/responsibilities or you're on the hook for child support for the full duration. The courts don't care about the naked injustice of it, their primary concern is making sure someone other than the state is footing the bill for the kid. It's something that disgusts me to the core and it's why I strongly believe that establishing paternity at birth is something we ought to be doing as standard procedure. It's absolutely vile that not only can cheating women get away with tricking men into raising children that aren't theirs, but that they can also keep that man on the hook financially for 18+ years without consequence.

[This message edited by firenze at 8:05 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]

LosferWords posted 7/4/2019 20:20 PM

Thanks, Unhinged and northeasternarea (hope I got that right, I didn't copy and paste, haha), I appreciate your responses.

I strongly believe that establishing paternity at birth is something we ought to be doing as standard procedure.

firenze - I agree with you on this 1000%, down to my soul, YES.

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