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Feeling a bit hopeful

Chicklette posted 6/19/2019 10:25 AM

Hi, I've been lurking here for a couple of months, not sure if I had anything to contribute. I've been married 27 years and I would have staked my life on him being faithful.

We're Christians, parents, grandparents. 22/3/19 he sent a text to our youngest daughter which was meant for the other woman. DD thought it was meant for me so sent it to me, saying 'how embarrassing'. TT for a couple of days before he admitted seeing someone else for a few months. It turns out he didn't even like the woman, he wanted to see if he could get someone to sext with, and it went on for a few months (he does have a fairly obsessive personality and I think it became an obsession).

He left me for 3 weeks, then came home 11/4/19. The first couple of weeks were difficult, despite serious HB, but after a major row he has changed completely. He can see where he has gone wrong and seems genuinely contrite. He actually looks at me, and always notices if something has triggered me - before I could have cried in front of him and he wouldn't notice, but now he somehow knows how I'm feeling. He is aware of how he has behaved in many ways and is working hard to put things right and help me heal, as well as become a better person. I have full access to all his devices.

The only real fly in the ointment is that we went to 4 sessions of MC, but the last 2 sessions the (male) counsellor turned on me and called me a 'jackhammer' because I asked questions! I told him he had only met me in a very distressed state, and that wasn't how I normally am, but he repeated it the next week, so we cancelled any further appointments and have put in an official complaint. We are still too raw to want any further counselling yet, but I do think we're doing well on our own. So I hope I'm not jumping the gun, but I do feel a bit hopeful.

cancuncrushed posted 6/19/2019 10:54 AM

Im glad you are finding more peace and hope in this time of trauma...

you need to trust what you know....and keep and open mind about what you don't know...

Its great if things come around sooner rather then later, its rare.....there is no time limit...this takes years to process...for both parties...don't be in a hurry...

Its mostly recommended on SI, that individual counseling is best at first....MC way later down the road....

Its not uncommon to shop for counselors....

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 10:55 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

MamaDragon posted 6/19/2019 11:24 AM

it sounds as if your IC/MC is not a good fit for you = consider finding a different one and see if you mesh better.

Chicklette posted 6/19/2019 13:47 PM

Thank you for replies. We went to MC as a first port of call because WH arranged it and it was my only way of getting to see him. But the counsellor was awful and were currently not feeling able to arrange further counselling. Weve done MC and IC in the past, so know what to expect of a decent counsellor. Well probably revisit it at a future date, but it was so painful that we cant go there yet.

Im still constantly triggered but WH is being so loving and thoughtful that were coping at present. I prayed that he would come back to me, but hes come back as the husband I always wanted rather than the one he used to be. God is so good!

Chicklette posted 6/19/2019 13:47 PM

Thank you for replies. We went to MC as a first port of call because WH arranged it and it was my only way of getting to see him. But the counsellor was awful and were currently not feeling able to arrange further counselling. Weve done MC and IC in the past, so know what to expect of a decent counsellor. Well probably revisit it at a future date, but it was so painful that we cant go there yet.

Im still constantly triggered but WH is being so loving and thoughtful that were coping at present. I prayed that he would come back to me, but hes come back as the husband I always wanted rather than the one he used to be. God is so good!

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