Return to Forum List

Return to General

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > General

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Making kids his flying monkeys

crazyblindsided posted 5/31/2019 17:01 PM

Well the title pretty much says it all. I should have known what this was all along. I cannot believe how blind or stupid I am.

My WS was never there for me or the kids. I practically raised them on my own. It wasn't until False R that he started to take an active stance in their life. Before this they would say things like they didn't know 'who' their dad is because he was never home. Now WS picks them up from school and takes them wherever they want to go. Buys them whatever they want. I am still the same parent I always was. I don't do everything they ask for or buy them everything.

Well yesterday driving home I made a negative comment about WS and daughter says why don't you just get a D if both of you don't like each other. Both? This was news to me.

There are other little things that are stating to bother me. Things the kids will say when I'm tired after work and if I don't jump and do it for them, they will say things like "You never want to do anything" or "Dad would take me." I have really started to take this personally, but then again they are teenagers.

I brought this up in therapy today and my therapist said he is making the kids his 'flying monkeys' as NPD's do. I have been crying and upset since my therapy session as I know he hit the nail on the head.

The only person to blame for this now is me. If I would have left him after initial D-Day I wouldn't be dealing with all of this madness.

If anything I hope my story is a sober reminder for others in limbo.

With that said I am feeling an inch closer to D. My goal now is to start seeing what life would look like without him financially. I'm going to start there.

wifehad5 posted 6/1/2019 00:04 AM

(((crazyblindsided)))

sisoon posted 6/1/2019 08:53 AM

Gently, I certainly understand the importance of finances (retiree, fixed income), but also consider the effect on your emotions and energy.

The energy you free up can be invested in many areas, one of which is finances.

But I hope the finances work out fine. That would make D a lot easier.

nekonamida posted 6/1/2019 12:52 PM

I really feel for your children in this. The situation between you and your WH has been messy to say the least. Plus they had an absent father for years. They're tired of the drama and stress. Your WH giving in to their every demand has become an escape for them. This situation needs to change even if that means having separated parents. They deserve peace and at least one happy, stable parent.

crazyblindsided posted 6/1/2019 13:04 PM

Thank you for responding

I certainly understand the importance of finances (retiree, fixed income), but also consider the effect on your emotions and energy.
The energy you free up can be invested in many areas, one of which is finances.

All of that is true and it does affect my emotions and energy

Your WH giving in to their every demand has become an escape for them. This situation needs to change even if that means having separated parents. They deserve peace and at least one happy, stable parent

Yes I can see this. It makes me feel awful. All I want is for my kids is to be healthy and happy.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:04 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/1/2019 14:30 PM

I thought you were in the process of D.

This does not sound like a healthy environment for anyone. First, as much of an asshole as he is, you need to stop making negative comments about him in front of your kids. It will affect their self esteem.

Second, it really sounds like you need to separate sooner rather than later. What about finances is holding you up?

crazyblindsided posted 6/3/2019 14:07 PM

What about finances is holding you up?

Well if we were to separate I would struggle even more and I'm just not ready for that yet. It seems one little thing and I become severely depressed again. I just don't know how I'm going to fare in a D.

We get along for the most part. There isn't any fighting but definitely resentment it seems on both sides.

My WS has strong NPD tendencies so I can never allow myself to become vulnerable which means no real intimacy.

I really don't know why it is so hard for me to leave. It honestly feels paralyzing to me.

Return to Forum List

Return to General

© 2002-2019 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy