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Rollercoaster ride of emotions- I hate iitt!

Quill posted 5/29/2019 16:47 PM

I do - I really do. I take each day and I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I am skittish, and never feel comfortable. I have made no decisions yet. Some days I feel I can reconcile and others not so much. WS is reading all the books, in counseling. I am in counseling and there is a marriage counselor. Remorse is there, and appears to be doing the work. However, the part I just canít wrap around is- you canít have really loved me. When you love someone you donít hurt them. Itís so black and white to me. How can one not know this was wrong? When you love someone you would go to the ends of the world for them, stand out in the rain etc etc. I wanted that love , I wanted to be loved. Am I just a stupid romantic? I am so disappointed in my spouse. So awfully let down. I didnít ask for riches , a big house, expensive travel all I wanted in a marriage was love. I didnít think I asked for too much. I donít even know now what to think and how to feel.

SaddestDad posted 5/29/2019 16:58 PM

Hey Quill, sorry to hear you're having as rough of a time as so many of us, especially myself.
I don't want to t/j, so short-story - I, unfortunately, did learn after DDay that at the time of my WW's affair, she didn't love me, she just loved the thought of, "us."
It was only after the A ended that she started to love and respect me.

In some ways, I therefore find it a blessing for you that you have reason to believe that there was some form of love for you during the A, even if it wasn't as high a level of love that you deserved and believed your spouse had at the time.
Learning that she didn't start to love me until after I thought our foundation was set in stone... was soul-crushing.
I pray you don't ever feel the same crushed soul as I.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/29/2019 21:02 PM

That emotional rollercoaster can be HELL...and I am so sorry that you are having to deal with it Dear Lady (((HUGS))). The GOOD news is that it will get better .

It is very hard for someone who is STRONG to understand what a weak mind thinks. My H also said he never stopped loving me... and at first I had the same reaction as you. After doing more research...I saw that people in happy marriages cheat too. I realized my H did love me...he just loved himself MORE... and it nearly cost us everything .

EVERY A is a dealbreaker. PERIOD. The WS has voided the M contract. Now you have a CHOICE . You can make a new deal with your WS... or you can walk away. Whichever is right for YOU will make itself clear. You can take all the time you need to decide which choice is best for you...this is a marathon not a sprint.

You donít have to ACCEPT anything either!!! However...if you want to move forward...you do need to ADAPT. You can do this ! Picture in your mind what YOU want your life to look like. Then set out to achieve it. It may include your WS...or it may not. It doesnít matter what HE thinks...this is ALL for you!

You arenít a stupid romantic...if this is your dream...go for it!!! We were watching Rodgers and Hammersteinís ďCinderellaĒ one day...and at the end my H and I were both crying . He apologized for ruining my ďHappily Ever AfterĒ . I told him that ALL fairytales have some tragic event in them. He came up to me one day...held me tightly...and said he was going to make it his lifeís mission to give me my ďHappily Ever AfterĒ! He is doing just that !!!

YOUR dream of a M full of LOVE can happen too . It may not be with the H you have right now. I went through a D in my 1st M because my 1st H proved himself unworthy of my love. But my 2nd H has taken this chance I gave him...and has never looked back !!! If YOU decide to give your WS a chance...allow him to rise up to your expectations. He will...IF he is worthy of you .

Quill posted 5/29/2019 21:32 PM

Thank you saddest dad. I appreciate your words. They are so helpful. Want2bhaopysgain thank you for your thoughts. I hate that we all share this pain but I appreciate the support. I always thought I would end it - no question. The fact that i am in limbo blows my mind. It isnít that simple. I appreciate the positive support that i wonít always feel this way and itís okay to want the best for me. With or without him I will be okay. Thank you

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