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Got something I wasn't expecting

HappyTree posted 5/28/2019 11:02 AM

So, I posted just a week ago about going to Costa Rica and having a great time being solo. After that, I really accepted the fact that I will probability be single for the rest of my life and that I was OK with that. I didn't feel like I could fall in love, anyways.

Then the weekend happened. I was at a small festival and I met a guy on the first night. We decided to hang out and we both made it clear that this was not going to turn into anything serious. I've had these very quick, borderline one night stands a lot. I actually like them. I get to be with a guy, get some cuddles, we enjoy the best part of each other. Then by the end of the weekend I'm annoyed by him and we go our separate ways.

Well, needless to say, in just 3 nights I totally fell for this guy. He was just so cool and I feel like the 2 of us really meshed well with each other. He had all the things I was looking for in a relationship, except he lives 5 hours away.

And now I'm upset. I was fine being single but once I got a taste of being with someone I could actually like, I want more of that. I guess its a good reminder that there is someone out there for me, but its not him and that makes me sad.

This weekend totally threw me for a loop. Why can't I just have my life figured out by now?

WornDown posted 5/28/2019 14:37 PM

When you figure out how to figure out life...let me know the secret!

I've come to the conclusion that God/The Universe has plans for us and we'll eventually learn what those plans are...usually when we're done trying.

The two people I've dated since my divorce where I've REALLY been into them, I met soon after I said, "F this...I'm done dating for a while." Then...bam!

hopeandnohope posted 5/28/2019 21:42 PM

So, are you going to visit him? 5 hours away isn't too far for someone who travels to Costa Rica. Lol ke us posted!

undertherug posted 5/29/2019 05:39 AM

If you met somewhere in the middle, it would only be two and a half hours away.

WhoTheBleep posted 5/29/2019 08:01 AM

How does he feel? Is he still of the "not serious" camp? I get the impression this post is about you and you alone? If so, how about you don't set any "rules" for yourself. How about you just take life day by day. If you meet a ONS, fine. If you meet a fling, fine. If you meet someone that grows into more, and you're both on board, fine too. Just roll with it.

I'm dating a man for about a month, now. My "rules" were "nothing serious" and don't be all up in each others' sh**. Considering I have my kids 50% of the time, not being up in each other's s*** is happening naturally as we can't see each other everyday. However, he is a self-proclaimed serial-monogamist, as am I. He opens car doors for me, doors to buildings, we go out on actual dates, and he constantly holds my hand in public. He checks in in the morning and at night when we can't see each other. It feels very relationshipy, and I'm wondering how the hell I got here with all of my "rules". But you know what? I really like him. He is a gentleman, intelligent, has his s*** together financially and personally. I'm just rolling with it. Screw the rules, right? If it feels good, why over think it? Heck maybe this could turn into something.

I guess I'm saying just drop the rules and go with the flow. Keep your energy open to whatever comes your way. There could be a wonderful man out there for you that could fit perfectly into this next chapter of your life. Be open to it. That's one of my favorite things about this new chapter of my own life; the possibilities. Anything is possible, when not trapped in a miserable marriage with a cheater and abuser.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:01 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

Hawke posted 5/29/2019 12:22 PM

Why can't I just have my life figured out by now?

Because it's a journey, not a destination.

I agree with WhoTheBleep. I've been seeing someone in a "casual, but exclusive" relationship for about a year and half. I have young kids; he has a teen and an adult child. Neither of us wants to blend that! We don't know what we might morph into in the future and we aren't pressuring each other to become something we aren't feeling.

HappyTree posted 5/30/2019 08:28 AM

WhotheBleep- yes, this post was more about me and my feelings, not necessary his feelings or what he wants. I went from liking the single life to wanting something I can't have. I mean, even if he was interested, its not life I can just stop by his house after work for dinner. Now I'm reminded that maybe I do want something like that. Thats a tough pill to swallow.

We are talking about doing a little road trip this summer, in one of his VW buses! Like I said, he is a pretty cool guy. We will see what happens. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. But it is tough. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly searching for something I don't have. I just want to be happy and content with the life I was given.

WhoTheBleep posted 5/30/2019 11:30 AM

Sounds like you've woken up out of your post-infidelity sleep. You want more than just occasional physical needs to be met. Welcome back!! You're just about on my schedule (except I was completely physically shut down for 1 1/2 years, until beach dad in January). Now this new man is expanding my possibilities for myself even more...a real relationship, perhaps?

Like I said, drop the rules. This VW road trip sounds amazing!! Go! Have fun!! See where it takes you! This guy might just be a stepping stone to another chapter...or this could develop into something more serious. You won't know until you go for it. In the meantime, keep dating. Keep living your life. You never know what's around the next bend. I'm excited for you!!

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