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I Contacted other BS -what if he hurts WH

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Kudulies posted 5/16/2019 13:33 PM

I contacted the other BS this morning. He was totally caught off guard. He just kept saying
This is crazy. He asked for all the details/photos etc as he says he knows she will deny.
I told my WH I contacted OBS and he asked if I could give OBS his number as he would like to talk to him/apologize.
Even offered to meet with him.

Thing is- Iím scared other BS lashes out or hurts him in some way.
Or contacts his place or work and he loses his job. Just another thing that will affect our kids.

Also is it bad that I actually got some serious happy jingles knowing she has now been exposed (My WH confessed to PA and we have been working through it. SHE however has kept it from her husband for over a year and clearly thought she got away with it.

HellFire posted 5/16/2019 13:46 PM

If he punches your husband, then it might make your husband think twice before having another affair. I think getting punched is a reasonable consequence when you fuck another man's wife.

Does your wh work with ow?

Your husband has interfered enough in that man's marriage. He should not contact him. The apology will mean nothing. And he needs to be NC with both of them.

You did the right thing. I hope your husband isnt giving you any shit over it.

[This message edited by HellFire at 1:47 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

onthefence123 posted 5/16/2019 13:48 PM

The OBS deserved to know for many reasons, including having his truth known to him, checking on his health, having agency over his life, having the right to make his own choices rather than being forced to live a lie...I feel such tremendous pain for him though, how he is hurting...

My opinion is that your WH should leave him alone, do not call him, do not text him, just leave him alone. If the OBS wants to contact your WH, that is up to him, don't force any contact. Would you have wanted OW to call you, even if she was apologizing? For me, that is a hard NEVER.

Thing is- Iím scared other BS lashes out or hurts him in some way.
Shortly after DDay, I told my WH that if OBS showed up that WH deserved a punch or two!! What would I have really done in that situation? I don't know, but I felt WH deserved whatever OBS dished out at him. It's called consequences.
Also is it bad that I actually got some serious happy jingles knowing she has now been exposed
No, she infiltrated your entire life and destroyed your M. Just like your WH, she needs to live with the consequences as well. It's not her right to deny his fundamental truths about his marriage and his life just to protect herself from something that she caused.

changeneeded posted 5/16/2019 13:55 PM

I think it is great you contacted BS, like others have said, he has every right to know. I think you are right about her probably feeling as if she got away with it, she probably just started to breath a little.

Boy, I can't wait to hear how this goes, I'm living vicariously through you, would love to get this sort of justice.

Lp0725 posted 5/16/2019 13:56 PM

Trust me, the last person the OBS wants to hear from right now is the man who had sex with his wife. Your WH should not contact him. And whatever happens at this point is all on your WH. You did the right thing and that's all that matters. WH will have to live with the consequences of his actions. If he loses his job, of course that isn't good for your family so I can see why you're concerned about that. But at this point, it's out of your hands.

firenze posted 5/16/2019 14:00 PM

Nothing wrong with feeling a bit of gratification from the OW being outed. She deserves to have her lies exposed and her world blown up.

As for your WH, if the OBS decides to greet him with a punch to the face, it'll be well deserved. He can take his licks knowing he earned them.

Kudulies posted 5/16/2019 14:05 PM

@changeneeded her husband works away and is offshore at the moment (he told me while we were texting today). Back 30 May.
I drove past OW later this afternoon and said out loud in my car- ohhh you have NO idea what is coming your way.

Kudulies posted 5/16/2019 14:09 PM

I had contacted him via Facebook messenger a few months ago (as this was the only avenue I had)
I had no reply and he blocked me from Facebook.
Last night I was searching a community Whatsapp group for a particular members number and jeepers creepers- there is his name and number (also a member of this Whatsapp group)

So I contacted him via WhatsApp this morning.
His reply was such that he never saw the FB message and was not the one that blocked me.

Jeez. What type of woman!!!

Chaos posted 5/16/2019 14:15 PM

Here's the deal. One way or another there will be fall out. That's on WH and AP.

If the fall out becomes violent that's what 911 is for [yes- when OBS told me AP was going to "fuck me up" I went to my local precinct].

SisterMilkshake posted 5/16/2019 14:15 PM

I can understand your concern about violence directed at your WH. When I expressed concern to my WH about the OBS possibly attacking him, FWH didn't seem very concerned. He said he could take care of himself and that the OBS would be the one hurt. It was probably true. My FWH has knocked men out with one punch when he was defending himself. He is extremely strong.

As far as your WH job. Does he work with OW and did they do it on the job? Is he the OW's boss? And, do they have rules against this sort of thing?

BTW, I think violence is wrong and your WH doesn't deserve to be physically harmed. People have been killed from one punch. People have permanent brain damage from one punch. We have a member here who's husband killed a man with one punch.(I believe it was one punch.) Not a burden anyone needs to carry.

onthefence123 posted 5/16/2019 14:28 PM

Edited because I realized you most likely just said this to yourself...


[This message edited by onthefence123 at 2:34 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

emergent8 posted 5/16/2019 14:35 PM

Ugh... I feel just awful for him (OBS that is...). Presumably today was the worst day of his life. We've all been there.

I will never forget my call to OBS on my DDay. He stayed so calm, but I could hear his breath quicken. He subsequently told me that he was in the car with his WW at the time. We stayed in touch for the first few months post D-Day to compare stories to ensure that we were both getting the truth from our spouses. We also coordinated a bit because our spouses continued to work in the same building following D-Day and everyone was committed to maintaining NC. My best guess is that my kindness to him will mean that my husband never gets punched. I know that OBS has been in my mind anytime I debated doing something to "get even" with AP.

Regardless of how this shakes out though, this is NOT your fault. You have done the right thing.

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/16/2019 14:38 PM

I agree that your CH should not contact the OBS. Leave him alone!

As far as violence, I with SMS. One punch can be devastating. If the OBS shows up anywhere near the vicinity of your CH, you should call the police.

survrus posted 5/16/2019 14:39 PM

As opposed to the other BS living a lie for 5 or 10 years or the rest of his life. You did the right thing.

Cheaters should not get away with it any more than murders or bank robbers or embezzlers.

You may have saved other families from the OW as well as she won't be as bold in the future.

There should be costs to infidelity, when you cheat you take a village down with you.

annanew posted 5/16/2019 15:15 PM

I told my WH I contacted OBS and he asked if I could give OBS his number as he would like to talk to him/apologize.
Even offered to meet with him.

I am not sure this is a good idea. It depends on the OBS. Some won't ever want to meet the AP and don't want to hear an apology. Others might, someday. But probably not right now.

I'd take it slow. The main goal right now is to serve as a source of facts for OBS. Because his wife will minimize and blame your husband. If she succeeds in convincing the OBS that your husband was some kind of predator, then you have reason to worry. So just tell him what he wants to know, as much as he wants to know. And share SI if you are comfortable doing so.

annb posted 5/16/2019 15:22 PM

You did the right thing, but please don't give OBS your WH number. Or any other way to contact him.

Does your WH work with his AP? How are they connected, sorry don't know your backstory.

layla1234 posted 5/16/2019 15:38 PM

I wish OBS would have punched my WH.I would have been all for that.

Stilldenying posted 5/16/2019 15:47 PM

I've never contacted for the reasons your concerned. Even approaching 60 my husband has the body of a 30 year old and is strong with a temper. The job is also too risky financially (he is her superior). But oh how imagine doing it, blowing up her world. But OBS, I don't want him to know that pain. I would have to have serious concrete evidence, like a fly on the wall. Best of luck to you, none of this shit is fair.

changeneeded posted 5/16/2019 16:51 PM


Yikes, so she checks out his FB messages, more than likely for this sole purpose. Hmmmm that will be another big strike against her. These WS are one step ahead of us.

If I would have found this place before confronting my H, I would have been able to find the proof that I needed. Even though everyone has encouraged that I don't need that proof, it was something I needed to have.

So I am glad you are getting what you need, and I am eagerly waiting May 30. I wonder if he will wait until then?

Unbroken78 posted 5/16/2019 17:24 PM

Karma is a B word.

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