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I'd forgotten what it feels like...

ontheslope posted 5/10/2019 11:19 AM

It's been a long time since I've posted, and this may be one of the last times I ever do. Before I ride off into the sunset, I just wanted to share where I am in life right now, and say thank you to all those who supported me.

My divorce from STBXWW will be final on Wednesday. It has been a long road getting there but fully closing that chapter is going to feel very good and very cathartic. We are cordial and that helps with the kids, but otherwise she is no longer in my life and all of my emotions surrounding her affair and the aftermath are gone. I am free of all of it, free of the pain and the doubt, just free.

I am also happy for the first time in a long time. I met a woman online about 8 months ago and we started dating. She is amazing and there is so much connection I can't even begin to describe it. She makes me smile and laugh and the more time we spend together the more time I WANT to spend with her. We have our challenges; both of us are coming out of failed marriages, but we've spent a lot of time acknowledging the healing that we both still need to do and the patience and communication that we both have is remarkable. There is caution, but there is also love. I wish I could put into words what it is like to hold someone's hand and feel easy and loved and comfortable and alive again after years of feeling like my heart was cold and lifeless. I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that all of you find this at some point in your future. I can't say what my future will bring - I live life a day at a time - but for right now I am content and I wake every morning and chose to have a pretty amazing woman in my life, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

I embrace life now. I went from fearing the unknown and feeling so broken that I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning to loving my life and all aspects of it; my career, my hobbies, my girlfriend, my family. I walked a long, dark tunnel, but the light at the end of that tunnel was as fulfilling and worthwhile as I ever could have hoped.

This site was only one part of my healing, but it was a place I turned for comfort and solace during some pretty dark and painful times. A big giant thank you to the admins who keep this place going and to the wonderful people who are always willing to help with advice and compassion. I'm not sure I would be where I am today without a few of the pick-me-ups and 2x4s to the head that I got from some of the other members over the years.

Heal. Grow. Live. Love. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be where I am now I would not have believed you. You NEVER know what the next bend in the road will bring. And sometimes, just sometimes, it brings you a beautiful 5-foot-four-inch crazy-haired thirty-five year old with amazing legs, a zest for life, and love in her heart.

Cheers, SI! And I thank you.

devotedman posted 5/10/2019 11:25 AM

Congratulations and thanks for the update.

demolishedinside posted 5/10/2019 12:07 PM

That brought tears to my eyes. I hope this for all of us, too. I can just feel your joy.

WhoTheBleep posted 5/10/2019 13:49 PM

Best thing I've read all day. Thank you!!

BearlyBreathing posted 5/10/2019 14:10 PM

Hooray!!

Shehawk posted 5/11/2019 23:01 PM

happy for u both!

ErinHa posted 5/16/2019 08:26 AM

Thanks for the uplifting post! So many people here are struggling and it's so helpful to read stories that show there is a happy, better life after all of this.

I've been here on and off for 13 years, I'm here mostly to help others as my life is so fulfilling and full of love right now too.

SI is always here...so glad your life is happy again!

JoyfulMourning posted 5/17/2019 01:48 AM

Wow, what great news. Thank you for sharing your joy. I always come to New Beginnings in search of stories like yours, I wish there were more.

I wish you continued loving bliss.

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