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I feel like Iím going crazy

PearlyBaker posted 5/6/2019 04:27 AM

I had been holding it together pretty well since D day 2 months ago and then I told the people closest to me last week. My 2 best friends and my parents now know about my husbandís 2.5 year affair. Now I feel like Iím starting to unravel. I donít know what to believe. Iím second guessing and questioning everything and the people who are supposed to be supporting me arenít helping. If anything I feel like Iím thinking about things more.

I really thought I was done with my husband, but Iím finding itís easier said than done. Itís a total mind 🤬 to literally get your husband ó and the father you always imagined he would be ó back the day he was discovered. He told me for years they were short staffed at work and I believed him because of his industry. Now he gets home 4Ė5 hours earlier a night. But the trade off is knowing that someone else came before me for so long. Every. Single. Day.

And now Iím just obsessed with finding out every detail. Re reading their conversations, go back over the Lyft ride log, asking the OW questions. Itís like I want to torture myself so I will know the obvious choice is to just leave. Why havenít I just left yet? Any normal person would leave if they knew what I know now.

I canít get anything done. I canít sleep. Iím going nuts. Iím afraid itís going to keep getting worse.

[This message edited by PearlyBaker at 4:47 AM, May 6th (Monday)]

Notthevictem posted 5/6/2019 05:25 AM

Its ios and downs like a rollercoaster for a while. What you're feeling is normal.

Bestthing posted 5/6/2019 06:09 AM

Itís only been 2 months. You are still in the Discovery Phase. You have your history and the image of your spouse and marriage to reconcile. It feels crazy right now, but what you are doing (what your brain is forcing you to do) is necessary for your healing. Even if you decide to leave him later, it is good to learn the truth.

The1stWife posted 5/6/2019 06:32 AM

🛑 Stop. Breathe. Slow down.

Do not make any decisions right now. You are too emotionally impacted to think clearly right now.

Find a therapist or counselor for you. That is your first priority. It will be the right support and helpful to you.

Your friends and family mean well. But they are not trained to know how to help properly.

Second - if you want to leave - have a plan. It will be easier for you if you have a plan like who leaves the residence, money issues decided, custody or child support if children are involved etc.

Please keep posting here. We will support you and we completely understand what you are going through.

Please know you will survive this. We all do. Itís not pain free but we get through it.

MamaDragon posted 5/6/2019 08:27 AM

Two months is a short time period to find your balance. Your world has been rocked - and like an earthquake there will be tremors.

I can only offer suggestions - first, take care of yourself. Eat healthy, try to get enough sleep - exercise - and do a hobby to help you get your mind waves calmer. Take time for yourself - instead of doing all the wifey things you have done in the past (taking care of him). Go see a doc for STD testing. Make him go with you and have it done too

It is his burden to bear to build back that trust and to be what you need as a Husband and Father. He didn't just cheat on you, he has cheated his children out of Father/child time.

Tell him what you feel, rage at him - be cold as ice - but let him know your feelings. See a lawyer to find out what your options are - IE if you are a state that allows you can sue the OW. Get a post nup drawn up, and divorce papers with custody/child & spousal support. Give him all the documents - to show him what he is going to lose and what he *can* have. Have ready your demands for reconciliation - IE 100% transparency, a new job if the AF is a COW - access to all social media and electronics, GPSing his car, and No being friendly with the opposite sex. (I would also ask for really nice gifts and a girls get away where HE has to take care of the kids). You might ask him to confess to your families (not kids) and church (if you attend). Have him set up MC and IC.

Above all else, love yourself - if after you attempt reconciliation and find you can't live with what he has done - you have the groundwork to end the marriage.

But take each day as it comes, and don't rush your decision. (HUGS)

cbgrace1980 posted 5/7/2019 15:57 PM

You are reacting completely normal. I have been in your shoes before. It is HARD and FRUSTRATING! Just because he cheated does not mean you have to leave. Some marriages can be healed from this trauma. It will take a lot of work but it CAN be done. You don't have to decide anything right now. It will get better but it might not for a while. Have you considered talking to a counselor? They can provide wonderful tools/conversation tips to help you as you process all the information. I am so sorry this happened to you, and we are here for you anytime you need. When this happened to me, my counselor really aided me when I needed it most. Plus she wasn't emotionally related to it, so she could give me fair advice. Hang in there!

babbu posted 5/8/2019 00:13 AM

Hey there. Breathe. I was wondering since your last thread where you found his betrayal again at the end of April --

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=637650&HL=69981

What has he been doing to work on himself? Did he confess?

rosie1 posted 5/8/2019 03:37 AM

Pearly baker

I'm a little further out than you at 6 months. It does get easier. I felt like I was going mad at first but hold on in there ,read posts on here as much as you can, follow all the great advice here and you will get through this. The time this takes is much longer than you think or hope but it seems like there is no speeding it up.

Hugs to you
Rosie

rosie1 posted 5/8/2019 03:37 AM

Pearly baker

I'm a little further out than you at 6 months. It does get easier. I felt like I was going mad at first but hold on in there ,read posts on here as much as you can, follow all the great advice here and you will get through this. The time this takes is much longer than you think or hope but it seems like there is no speeding it up.

Hugs to you
Rosie

[This message edited by rosie1 at 3:38 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]

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