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Goodbye to Dumbass

dov46 posted 5/1/2019 13:41 PM

Hi all: I post here very rarely now....but...I'm a survivor. And I work w/an infidelity survivor also....together we have traveled this up and down highway. She has written a goodbye letter to her EXH....and with her permission I am copying it here.....I have removed her name...and she's the one that suggested I change his to Dumbass...which I have done. She hopes this will help just one person here. She's an English Instructor...which is why this is so eloquent:)

Here it is:

It has been a year since I called a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings. I had reached the end of what I could tolerate, and it was time to end it. Over the next couple months, things were a blur. Then it was finalized, I moved with my daughters, we settled in and started our recovery. Lots of ups and downs, but as I look back over the last year, I am surprised at where Iím at. Good surprised. My daughters are flourishing, Iím growing and rebuilding, and the weight of negativity is disappearing.
So, the letter of goodbye. One of the steps they recommend in the process of divorce recovery. I debated publishing thisÖit is personal of course. But, as I recovered, I read many other goodbye letters that others had written and been willing to share publicly. These letters spoke to me and helped me on my journey. So, I am going to publish my letter: for closure and in the hopes that it gives someone else the support that I got from othersí letters as well.

Goodbye Dumbass,
I didnít think I would get to the point where I could write this. But, I have learned how resilient I am, and not only can I write this, but I can write it and walk away with no regrets. So, what do I need to say goodbye to? Well, letís get started.
Goodbye to the poison that you filled me with. The poison that said I wasnít good enough, important enough, worthwhile enough. Goodbye to hurting as I watched something that I thought I loved transform into something I knew I should run from. Goodbye to sitting and waiting for it to return to what I thought it was, denying that it was always that way and it always will be that way with you.
Goodbye to babysitting a grown man. Goodbye to working to help your business never to be thanked for any of it. Goodbye to trying to help you grow, and then getting shoved aside as you brought in others to be with and take my place.
Goodbye to desperately trying to be your partner in life, only to watch you disappear, or reject those efforts, or throw your exploits with others in my face.
Goodbye to the words that meant one thing, and the actions that said another.
Goodbye to every moment of dishonesty and indecision. Goodbye to covering for the dishonesty and cruelty. Goodbye to having to help you create the image of what you think you are, all the while knowing I was lying about the truth of who you were and are.
Goodbye to begging for your attention, bleeding for it. Goodbye to patching up the wounds myself.
Goodbye to hoping for a little of your love and attention.
Goodbye to isolation and fear.
Goodbye to feeling like a liability.
Goodbye to never feeling free to be myself.
Goodbye to the eggshells I walked on.
Goodbye to the games you made me play.
Goodbye to feeling like I had to apologize for everything I was.
Goodbye to your lies. The lies you told me not to avoid hurting my feelings, but to keep me from leaving so you didnít have to deal with your own consequences.
Goodbye to the disappointment on our daughtersí faces when you didnít follow through on a promise.
Goodbye to feeling stupid for having dreams. For wanting to try things that didnít fit into your plans, even though I adjusted my life to fit yours.
Goodbye to always accommodating you and your goals by sacrificing mine and our daughtersí.
Goodbye to the life I felt forced to live. The life I felt force to settle for. The life you made me think I deserved.
And, hello to the life I was really meant to live. The dreams I want to dream. The goals I want to pursue. The people I want to have in my life. The mistakes I want to make and learn from. We all have expectations and sometimes they go wrong, but that is the chance we take and how we grow and learn. Goodbye to what you gave me, and hello to what I learned from those years. The poison is slowly leaving meÖand I am healing. I am healing.
You will not recognize me because I put my broken pieces back together differently.
You drained me of my identity and injected self-doubt into my very veins. I was left questioning my own sanity, aimlessly drifting, at war with my own body every day. Trying to scrub off the heavy words you left on my skin. My mental state was shaken to its core and I didnít know who I was.
But goodbye to all that. I am brave, and strong, resilient and broken all at once. I have re-discovered my light. I have embraced my inner warrior. Iíve snatched my power back.
And the whole game has changed.


Peace to all the betrayed spouses will get there!!!!

Notthevictem posted 5/1/2019 19:28 PM

Thanks for sharing!

Ripped62 posted 5/1/2019 20:16 PM

I enjoyed the letter. Thank you for posting it. Please tell your friend thanks also for her sharing her writings and thoughts.

Chaos posted 5/2/2019 08:50 AM

Goodbye to your lies. The lies you told me not to avoid hurting my feelings, but to keep me from leaving so you didnít have to deal with your own consequences.

I may have actually clapped and "whoot"ed when I read that one.

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