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manofintegrity posted 4/16/2019 09:33 AM

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:39 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

VinST posted 4/16/2019 10:07 AM

Divorce!!!
you are second best to her.. actions speak louder than words
Divorce... it can be nothing else. anything else and you tell her she can get away with anything.

Guess its time to grow some!

Western posted 4/16/2019 12:08 PM

how are things Rockmond ?

Dismayed2012 posted 4/17/2019 09:56 AM

She got 'closure' Rockmond49. Now it's your turn to get closure; divorce her. Don't tell her what you're doing, don't warn her about divorce, don't indicate anything, just divorce her. At the moment she's served with papers, call her family, your family, and all friends and post on social media and let everyone know what she's done and why you're divorcing her. Don't allow her to set the tone or to lie about what and why. Expose everything and then ghost while the smoke is still rising from the ashes she created of your marriage.

This is your life. Take it back and take care of yourself.

Rockmond49 posted 4/17/2019 15:15 PM

I'm still in the whirlwind of a 2nd betrayal. She has to live by my rules jump thru my hoops now. We have 2 kids together and they both are pissed at her. I am doing better, still tough to get images out of my head. May not be salvageable. The guy has the balls to text me with nasty details. SOB would never man up and say it to my face. Thanks for all the advice, infidelity is a bitch, but I will never let it define me.

MickeyBill2016 posted 4/17/2019 15:25 PM

Damn, that's tough.
Sounds like she wants the POSOM, more than you, your long term marriage and her family.
How will she live by your rules, when she has her own?
Are you ready to give her the gift of freedom?

Reminds me of the old fool me once shame on you, fool me twice file for divorce...

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 3:26 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

Rockmond49 posted 4/17/2019 15:40 PM

Mickey Bill, I get you. She will do what she wants. She says that's me and us. Hard to believe a cheater tho. I never judge I was a cheater in my early 20's and I know the damage it causes. Maybe I'm just nervous about the other side. I don't know anything else. I'm not the type of guy to be alone, just not my scene

Marz posted 4/17/2019 15:45 PM

Mickey Bill, I get you. She will do what she wants. She says that's me and us. Hard to believe a cheater tho. I never judge I was a cheater in my early 20's and I know the damage it causes. Maybe I'm just nervous about the other side. I don't know anything else. I'm not the type of guy to be alone, just not my scene

I hate to tell you this but you are alone in this marriage. You just haven't gotten out of your denial yet.

She says that's me and us

Not really. It's OM x2 now. Her words are meaningless

Have you done any type of exposure?

I'm assuming her other man isn't married since he's rubbing it in your face?

[This message edited by Marz at 3:52 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

Marz posted 4/17/2019 15:50 PM

She has to live by my rules jump thru my hoops now.

Not really. She's gone the way she wants twice now that you know of.

You can't really stop anyone from doing anything.

You can't fix this. Only she could.

I think you are going to have a rough and bumpy road ahead.

How long was the affair the first time?

Do they work together?

Rockmond49 posted 4/17/2019 16:17 PM

Marz, I know I cant control her. She does seem contrite, but cheaters are cheaters. Says it was biggest mistake, hates herself, i.e. The OM isn't married. Affair started sometime March of 17, ended Sept of 17. Met up for drinks Dec of 17 last time she saw him until this past March. Obviously she has/ had deep feelings for the punk. Either that or the guy had a horse cock and was great in bed. Now I'm supposed to bury it and try to make it work again

Rockmond49 posted 4/17/2019 16:19 PM

Marz, no they didn't work together. She won't tell me where they met, which really pisses me off.

Marz posted 4/17/2019 16:24 PM

Marz, no they didn't work together. She won't tell me where they met, which really pisses me off.

Oh man!!! That is a huge red flag !!!!!

Sorry but you don't get the full story or truth it's a false R which means there's a high chance of going through this again.

You are in reality living life on her terms. Do you see that?

How did you find out the second go round?

Marz posted 4/17/2019 16:26 PM

She does seem contrite, but cheaters are cheaters. Says it was biggest mistake, hates herself, i.e. The OM isn't married.

Probably sorry she got caught again. It's self preservation mode?

How do you know he's not married? You can't trust your wife to tell you the truth.

Marz posted 4/17/2019 17:14 PM

You want to save your marriage. YOUcan't.

I don't think you understand. Unless she fixes herself all you'll ever do is just stay together.

Many do but you may get the same thing over and over.

Right now you have and are sharing your wife with her boyfriend.

Can you live with that?

There is a very true statement here. In order to save the marriage you'd better be willing to destroy it.

Until you stand up and refuse to live in infidelity you may continue to get the same as you've gotten.

Just because you found out didn't mean it ended did it? So you found out again. There's nothing that says it won't continue.

[This message edited by Marz at 5:15 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

HalfTime2017 posted 4/17/2019 17:25 PM

Rockman, you need to leave her. If you're not one to be alone, don't worry, you'll find someone new soon enough. Almost anyone at this point is a better partner than she is to you.

Even if you're super codependent, and it sounds like thats what you're insinuating, it would be worth finding someone new to latch onto b/c this woman has already proven to you that she is not safe, and she has zero respect for you. The fact that she doesnt tell you the truth after a second session of infidelity, what is there left?

Leave now, or you're setting yourself up for session number 3.

survrus posted 4/17/2019 19:29 PM

Rockmond,

You wrote Marz, no they didn't work together. She won't tell me where they met, which really pisses me off.

I don't see recovery if she is stonewalling you about significant facts.

At a bare minimum get a polygraph and have her write out a timeline.

paboy posted 4/17/2019 19:47 PM

Rock..

You did mention that you were unfaithful previously. Was this with your current wife, and a reason why you are more willing to stay?

If so, it opens a can of worms. You both would need to come to the table together, work out if you want to be together, seek IC individually and alot of other steps.

Can you clarify this please. It would aid in what advice is appropriate.

Rockmond49 posted 4/18/2019 08:59 AM

I was a cheater over20 years ago, I got back from the War and wasn't a very good person. My wife also had an affair. We went to MC and it saved our marriage. I was a dog for sure, and I'm not proud of it. I think it still hurts her, even after all these years. So when it happened again after 20 years I couldnt deflect it. I was a faithful partner. I stayed and fought like hell for her, because I knew I'd been a crappy husband for a while. Then after going thru hell she did it again. I'm in a holding pattern. I still love her and want to believe we can move on

Dismayed2012 posted 4/18/2019 09:15 AM

Serial cheater. It's not going to end. Every time he coaxes her back, she'll comply. She's only sorry she got caught.

I'm sorry about your situation. Do what's best for you but always know that you can't trust her. I feel even worse for her kids. What a terrible example to display for them. I only hope that they don't follow in her footsteps. Your past choices don't excuse her current behaviors. You are the prize. Make your decisions based on your best interests.

SI Staff posted 4/18/2019 13:46 PM

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