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Must I say "you're welcome"?

nothisfriend posted 4/3/2019 15:54 PM

I haven't corresponded with XWH in over 1.5 years but had to send him a check this week to help with DS car repair that his dad fronted for him. Got an exuberant thank you text from him. Can I just drop it or would Miss Manners slap my hand for not responding with "you're welcome"?

Phoenix1 posted 4/3/2019 16:38 PM

Do what you feel comfortable doing.

When Xhole would send me "thank you" texts, I would not respond. Rude? In the world of Ms. Manners, possibly. But Ms. Manners doesn't realize that ANY response from me opens the doors for more from him. Even a simple "You're welcome" would be misconstrued as, "Oh goody! Phoenix is talking to me again! She wants to be friends so I can text even more drivel!" BECAUSE I know he thinks that way, I only responded if a question was asked. Nothing more. It took me a very long time to get him trained to understand I didn't want to hear from him unless it was something important and I was not about to jeopardize all that effort just for the sake of being polite.

Chrysalis123 posted 4/3/2019 22:44 PM

It took me a very long time to get him trained to understand I didn't want to hear from him unless it was something important and I was not about to jeopardize all that effort just for the sake of being polite.

This!

ZenMumWalking posted 4/4/2019 05:09 AM

I think if it's by text then the 'transaction' is completed and you don't owe a return 'you're welcome' text. I think Miss Manners only applies when you want to slap X's hand for not sending a hand-written thank you!!

Bobbi_sue posted 4/4/2019 05:14 AM

I see no downside to saying "You're welcome" to an exuberant Thank-you.

nothisfriend posted 4/4/2019 08:23 AM

After sleeping on it I no longer feel the pull to respond politely to the text. Why do I care what he thinks or if he bashes me to people? "Look I'm a good guy but NHF can't even communicate politely with me. No wonder I didn't want to be married to her."

DS knows and his opinion is tops in my book. Thanks for all the SI support, I love this place!

Cheatee posted 4/4/2019 09:46 AM

If you want as little contact as possible with him, do nothing. If you want a positive and civil relationship (especially if you have kids together), you can say "you're welcome."

twisted posted 4/4/2019 11:13 AM

You could do what these damn millennials do that drive me crazy enough to slap them.
Instead of "you're welcome", they say "no problem".

EvenKeel posted 4/4/2019 12:01 PM

After sleeping on it I no longer feel the pull to respond politely to the text.
I find waiting to reply always provides extra clarity. It is when I knee-jerk reply that I get into trouble. I don't think a 'thank you' text requires a response.

NOW......

send him a check this week to help with DS car repair .
Where the heck does one find an ex that helps with this stuff!!!!We are on the second driving child and the ex hasn't bought as much as a air freshener for either child!! All blown motors, totaled vehicles and a hundred other items has been solely on me. Kudos to you!!!

nothisfriend posted 4/4/2019 12:12 PM

Where the heck does one find an ex that helps with this stuff!!!!We are on the second driving child and the ex hasn't bought as much as a air freshener for either child!! All blown motors, totaled vehicles and a hundred other items has been solely on me. Kudos to you!!!

Well, WXH worked for a short time selling cars. Was adamant that DS bring his car in there for oil change. On the way, DS hit a coyote dinging up his car pretty badly. At the time WXH was trying desperately to get back into DS's good graces and I suspect that OW was too so they gave DS a car that was traded in at the dealership. This car needed brakes badly a few weeks ago so DS let me know that he was going to ask his dad to cover it since he gave him the car. The price was really high, so I offered a few hundred towards it. DS was going to get a check from me to write a check to his dad but that got so convoluted that I asked him to go the simple route and I contacted WXH to see if he wanted me to send a check directly to him.

Frankly, I think OW pushes him to contribute more toward DS's expenses and college than he would have ever done on his own. Doesn't hurt that she has money like we never had in our whole married life. He always wanted a wife with money!

EvenKeel posted 4/4/2019 12:33 PM

Regardless of the motivation - at least he is helping!

My ex promised DS a car for years. As soon as DS turned 16, the offered from his father moved to "I will let you BUY my vehicle from me..."

Helping with college? Pah - forgetaboutit! I am not counting on even a pencil coming from him.

This is a man who gave his DD her medical insurance card for Christmas (you know....since he has her on his plan and that costs him money).

I know it is a PITA navigating around all that so just keep staying N/C as possible.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:34 PM, April 4th (Thursday)]

Catwoman posted 4/4/2019 12:36 PM

I say things like "Happy to do this for the CatKid."

Cat

nothisfriend posted 4/4/2019 14:02 PM

I say things like "Happy to do this for the CatKid."

Oh man, I absolutely LOVE this! I'm going to use it in the future.

The funny thing is that 1.5 years ago WXH asked DS to tell me that he didn't want to get communications from me directly about DS's college and insurance things. He wanted everything routed through DS. I told DS that I would certainly comply with that. My intention at that time communicating directly with WXH was that since it was in the D settlement it was between us. DS thinks it's kind of ridiculous and childish and in this instance he is too busy right now to run interference; that's why I offered to contact directly. Oh well, now I'll probably go at least another year before communicating with him.

Williesmom posted 4/12/2019 13:23 PM

I'm a big fan of the "thumbs up" emoji myself.

One click and you're done.

nothisfriend posted 4/12/2019 15:10 PM

I'm a big fan of the "thumbs up" emoji myself.

Funny you should mention that - it's exactly what I did. After waiting a day and a half.

JoyfulMourning posted 4/19/2019 00:40 AM

I like the Thumbs Up

As for me...My reasoning to avoid replying to my ex would be...
When I receive a "thank you" regarding the payment of a bill or a receipt, I do not reply with "You're welcome".

Someone may see that as being rude or a little petty minded, but I'm sane though. I choose peace and sanity every time in whatever form that takes.

[This message edited by JoyfulMourning at 12:42 AM, April 19th (Friday)]

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