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Lalagirl posted 9/5/2019 05:54 AM

TG - thank you for posting Scooby's update.

(((((Scooby)))))

I knew this would happen (him writing all of that bullshit to you) - I would actually be surprised if it did not. Just remember, he is going to "move heaven and earth" to manipulate you as he was successful at it before. Stand your ground - stay NC - not a WORD back to him!

I'm so sorry that you and your children have to deal with such insanity. Hugs to all of you!

Lala

tushnurse posted 9/5/2019 07:03 AM

he is going to "move heaven and earth" to manipulate you as he was successful at it before. Stand your ground - stay NC - not a WORD back to him!

This is a sage piece of advice. Please take it and remember it.

Screw him and his self pity. Good on you for taking some control over life as well. Protect yourself as much as you can.

((((And Strength)))

Chaos posted 9/5/2019 07:07 AM

he is going to "move heaven and earth" to manipulate you as he was successful at it before. Stand your ground - stay NC - not a WORD back to him!

Anything I started to write was just variation on a theme.

As for his boo-hoo letters - fuck that shit.

KatieKat posted 9/5/2019 10:24 AM

Stay strong ~ we are all with you. It will take him YEARS to change. I think going away and disappearing might be considered. You are doing SO well. Big hugs to you ScoobyDoo ❤️❤️❤️

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/5/2019 18:00 PM

Your kids have shown that they are smart and know what's right. They supported from the start of this mess. I think they will know the truth no matter what he says to them.

They are adults, so you have to let them do what they will. You can tell them about your concerns, of course. You should, I think. Ultimately, the decision whether or not to see him is up to them.

HardyRose posted 9/7/2019 05:31 AM

Scooby I am so glad you are safe.
The world wonít stop spinning for awhile yet.
I am so sorry for your confusion and pain.

If possible please donít contact your WH at all. Donít read anything he writes to you.

Donít listen to the lies he will tell your eldest son when he visits.

Give yourself the space to heal. It helps the world spin less.

Your WS is desperate to get control over someone, anyone. Abusers canít cope without victims. You have said no more to him. Donít let him suck you back in. I know the cycle feels comfortable and you want the world to make sense again. But engaging with him will only lead to more pain for you.

You got this Scooby.

Tallgirl posted 9/10/2019 05:45 AM

FROM SCOOBY

So eldest son went with his grandad (my dad) to visit ĎHIMí in prison,

It went as expected, crying, begging, lots of promises to do the right thing, pleading guilty to spare all of us anymore trauma (however itís to lesser charges that doesnít necessarily mean a prison sentence!!! Go fucking figure!!!!)

Heís agreeing to go into rehab to help deal with his issues!

Heís now on suicide watch as they are worried about his mental health after confessing to a suicide attempt the day he lost it. His reasoning of why he was so high & drunk!!!
He took responsibility for everything.

Says he lied on his thread, itís only been the Aís I already know about & the ONS I seen on videos.

Everything (house & some Assets) he signed previously over to me still stands, only money in the bank & small amount of savings in his isa to be divided uncontested. business he can have as I donít want it or anything from it.

He has done what he set out to do...our kids love him, they feel sorry for him, heís a broken man in their eyes, he looks older, he looks beaten down, heís a shell of the man he once was, heíll do anything for them to prove himself.

Now my other 3 want to visit to see him for themselves!!

I knew this would happen as he is the master of manipulation,
Even my dear dad felt for him.

To sit with them all last night around the dinner table we once shared as a family nearly broke me.

To witness hope in their eyes again for a happy ending was fucking heartbreaking for me, they are gonna look to me to save him, I just know they are!

I fear the love & need to do the right thing for my family is gonna be what destroys me.

I feel Iím constantly taking 2 steps forward then 5 steps back.
My control is slipping

.

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/10/2019 06:23 AM

Scooby, it will be ok. Your children are adults. They are responsible for themselves. You do not have to take care of them anymore. It's ok for you to tell them that, regardless of what they choose, you will have nothing more to do with a person who threatened your life. Maybe give them some things to read about the cycle of abuse. Otherwise, step away. This is your life now!

tushnurse posted 9/10/2019 06:50 AM

Just keep repeating what he did.

Remind them that he is liar, and manipulator.
Tell them to back the F*** up and remember that day when you all were frightened.

Call Bullshit on his bullshit.

Your kids are grown. Don't put the emphasis on breaking up the family. You have to put your safety first. Letting him back into YOUR life is not only bad for you mentally but extremely DANGEROUS.

Focus on reality. Not his version of it.

EllieKMAS posted 9/10/2019 07:13 AM

Scoobs... Ugh I am so sorry. I'm with C+5N and TN tho, your kids are grown. You are under zero obligation to them to 'make nice'. The reality is their 'broken' father tried to KILL you. Remind them of that. If you did the right thing for your family, the abuse would continue and it wouldn't improve. You KNOW that.

Couple of suggestions. 1. If they haven't already, let them read his threads here. 2. Show them the A evidence. He is a bad guy. That sucks for them and it's a hard thing to come to terms with. But that's the bottom line truth.
All the hugs comin your way!

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 7:14 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

nekonamida posted 9/10/2019 07:25 AM

NOPE! Nope, nope, nope. Tell them he tried to kill you and if you ever go back to him, he'll actually do it next time. THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME.

REMIND THEM that he needs to get healthy for himself and you don't need to be any part of it. Put your foot down now before he gets out. Shut down the conversations about him starting now. "Thank you but I'd prefer not to hear about the man that abused me, cheated on me, and nearly took my life." Repeat it over and over again until it sticks.

There is no happy ending here. Only tragedy. At best, that's the tragedy that you will forever be stuck with him dealing with his moods, his addiction, and your own trauma for the rest of your life. At worst, you try to leave again and this time he succeeds in stopping you by killing you. HE made it clear that you can never leave him and that whatever very terrible and hurtful things he has done does not match up to you leaving. HE will do this again if given the opportunity and this time who knows if the police and kids will be there next time to stop him.

IF you can, reach out to domestic violence center and ask to speak with a counselor. Plan a meeting with them, your kids, and your dad. Let them explain to your family why how he is acting right now is not proof that he will change. Let them do the talking and show with knowledge and evidence that what's best for you is to stay FAR far away from him.

nekonamida posted 9/10/2019 07:27 AM

I'd also like to point out that it's not really taking responsibility if you blame the drugs and alcohol. You know, the ones he knew damn well he should not have been taking. And personally I will never believe he was black out trashed if he could come posting here asking about where you are in neatly typed text.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 7:28 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

Chaos posted 9/10/2019 09:21 AM

An update from Scooby:

Update

So eldest son went with his grandad (my dad) to visit ĎHIMí in prison,
It went as expected, crying, begging, lots of promises to do the right thing, pleading guilty to spare all of us anymore trauma (however itís to lesser charges that doesnít necessarily mean a prison sentence!!! Go fucking figure!!!!)
Heís agreeing to go into rehab to help deal with his issues!

Heís now on suicide watch as they are worried about his mental health after confessing to a suicide attempt the day he lost it. His reasoning of why he was so high & drunk!!!
He took responsibility for everything.
Says he lied on his thread, itís only been the Aís I already know about & the ONS I seen on videos.

Everything (house & some Assets) he signed previously over to me still stands, only money in the bank & small amount of savings in his isa to be divided uncontested. business he can have as I donít want it or anything from it.

He has done what he set out to do...our kids love him, they feel sorry for him, heís a broken man in their eyes, he looks older, he looks beaten down, heís a shell of the man he once was, heíll do anything for them to prove himself.
Now my other 3 want to visit to see him for themselves!!
I knew this would happen as he is the master of manipulation,
Even my dear dad felt for him.

To sit with them all last night around the dinner table we once shared as a family nearly broke me.
To witness hope in their eyes again for a happy ending was fucking heartbreaking for me, they are gonna look to me to save him, I just know they are!

I fear the love & need to do the right thing for my family is gonna be what destroys me.

I feel Iím constantly taking 2 steps forward then 5 steps back.
My control is slipping.


Back to Chaos - please - if you are reading this send her prayers, well wishes, good vibes and any general positive thoughts.

[This message edited by Chaos at 9:22 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

Odonna posted 9/10/2019 09:37 AM

Scooby,

You are the matriarch, but you are also a woman and a human being. And those are not conflicting roles here. As Matriarch, you have to lead and protect the family, which mean every member, including yourself. You have to lay down the markers and boundaries to keep everyone safe and thriving, and that includes YOU!

Tell your grown kids frankly what a master manipulator he is. Tell them what you have been learning in IC about your weakness for tolerating his behavior in the past and how you are learning to really see both who he is and who you are. Tell them that you cannot allow your weaknesses with respect to hm jeopardize the family or your own life.

In short, enlist your kids as part of your ďteamĒ to resist the manipulation from him. Lead them in a strategy to find support for him without letting him back in your lives. That will be a lot more effective than either opposing your kids or stuffing down your feelings and fears.

XOXO

KatieKat posted 9/10/2019 09:42 AM

Please let Scooby know we hear her. She must be as strong as she has ever been and NOT let this guy back in AT ALL. He needs to go to jail. Her kids should back away from him and let him FINALLY suffer the consequences of his appalling actions. Be tough, babe. We support you! ❤️

ChamomileTea posted 9/10/2019 11:32 AM

His reasoning of why he was so high & drunk!!!

That excuse wouldn't have brought you back if you were shot with a crossbow. I hope your children understand that.

Tallgirl posted 9/11/2019 04:20 AM

Update from Scooby

My BFF's, My IC, my Liaison officer & the police are coming round tonight with everything they have on him to show my kids & dad, (what they can share).

I have decided to be pretty blunt with them in how he has endangered my life before when he's hit me, leading to multiple fits, The police calls over the years. the visits to hospitals.

Also the reason I haven't drank is because only a few years ago he got me so drunk i passed out having no control of my body whatsoever so he could carry on drinking when a friend took me home instead of him (he didn't come home all night). He knew he was putting me at risk but didn't care, he had been plying me with quadruple vodka's each time.

I'm also going to share all the worry, advice, & support from all of you on here to show them even complete strangers are worried for my safety in the hope it works.

My gratitude to everyone. Thank you

nekonamida posted 9/11/2019 07:35 AM

Oh, Scooby! This man has been dancing all over your line between life and death for years! I typed three different descriptions of how awful he is but I can't decide on which one - HE IS ALL OF THE BAD WORDS!

I'm so glad that you're taking the reigns here. It's hard to look at the facts of what he has done and buy his manipulative pity party. This isn't just one instance where he almost killed you. He's been doing it for years! And he will keep doing it too if you're ever around him long enough for it to happen.

You're doing a great job of advocating for yourself. You deserve so much better than him!

Chaos posted 9/11/2019 07:47 AM

Scooby - it sounds like you have a plan. And a good support network.

All those people coming over tonight - all professionals - is a good start.

Your children have their own version of hopium going on [it can't be that bad - it just can't] and this is a reality they need to face. Their Dad is a dictionary of bad words.

The more I hear about him - the more I hope he rots in jail.

FLYAKITE posted 9/11/2019 09:14 AM

Oh scooby you got this, with or without them. But I just want to add that one thing among all the abuses heís inflicted upon you that really struck me was his desecration of your panties. Your most private, intimate apparel he shredded violently. Why? Who the fuck does that to the mother of his children? Though you presented it somewhat casually, it struck me deeply. That action alone speaks volumes. Iím sorry your children are displaying signs of children of an abusive alcoholic. I pray they have the strength to remove their rose-colored glasses. For if he does get you, the way he has promised to do, they would never be able recover from that. Scooby has woken up, itís time for the kids to also.

You got this, we all believe in you 100%.

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