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So...an update

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lilies21 posted 5/25/2019 23:53 PM

Thank you so much everyone. I'm still meeting with my lawyer this coming week and I might have even more ammunition. I bought DS a starter kid phone this week so he can reach me if I have to run errands during baseball practice. He really wanted to take it to his dad's this weekend in case he needed to call or text me. He's been texting me things his dad has been saying about me. Nothing good. I didn't ask DS to do this, I'm not encouraging it. But I will damn sure use it with my lawyer. I only responded back to DS that it didn't sound like his dad was being nice. Obviously it's against the rules within the decree to talk negatively about each other in front of DS. You would think after all of these years I would barely be a thought in Asshat's head, let alone a conversational centerpiece.

DS did make lists with his counselor of things DS and his dad could do together. They even wrote his dad a letter with the list and mailed it to him. Asshat did nothing, of course. I don't want DS to do it again because it feels like it's putting the responsibly of quality time on DS when his father is just...Asshat.

hopeandnohope posted 5/30/2019 21:46 PM

What a loser asshat is! He lost you and he's probably going to lose his wonderful son too. Hopefully he'll follow the therapists advice and spend one-on-one time with your son before your son decides to stop going. OW's house is not a good place to be. I will never understand why guys like asshat bad-mouth you--all you did was give him his freedom to be with OW. It's not your fault their life together is disgusting and pitiful. Bet she could't even repair a washer or dryer! Ha!

Glad you are getting through your treatment. I 0rdered a wig from a catalog in the chemo clinic and my beautician trimmed and styles it for me. It was blond and I loved it. Lol you might order a wig before you need it. I think that helps people see you as healthy--especially since you don't want coworkers to know.

Good luck at the lawyers! DS should never again be subjected to asshat saying a bad word towards his wonderful mother--NEVER AGAIN I pray!

ZenMumWalking posted 5/31/2019 11:41 AM

Thanks for the update lilies, it's so good to hear from you. I'm so very sorry - but not at all surprised - to hear that Asshat is being an asshat. How DARE they treat precious DS as 'less than'. What a FUCKER.

Also good to hear you're still kicking Earl's ass. We're all here behind you!!

Sending strength, love and MOJO. I hope you can get supervised visitation for AH and close the door down on Earl. Get both of those fuckers out of your life!!

((((lilies))))

NEPAlady posted 7/12/2019 19:36 PM

Lilies where are yooooou?
Hope all is going well.
You are missed!

lilies21 posted 8/1/2019 15:57 PM

Hi, everyone, Iím sorry Iíve been MIA...again. Not much to report but in big headlining news, my cancer treatment appears to be done. It feels really strange to write that sentence. I go in for a see-where-we-are-now appointment next week but thatís expected to be my last appointment for now, excluding frequent mammograms.

The only other big news lately is DS was finally matched with a Big Brother through Big Brothers/Big Sisters. We met him last week and he and DS have their first outing tonight. The Big Brother is retired fourth grade teacher, active, married, one adult daughter, and he enjoys a lot of the same things as DS (baseball, fishing, video games, etc...). I know itís a good thing but Iím a nervous wreck. Iím trusting a stranger with my child. BB/BS does background checks, of course, and I did my own as soon as I had his name. Good credit, no criminal history, no serious medical issues, and only three speeding tickets within the last 16 years (going only 6-10 miles per hour over). DS is so excited. Iím really trying to relax about it but relaxing isnít one of my strengths. I guess I mostly just feel bad itís come to this: getting a stranger to spend time with my child since his father doesnít and I donít have any male relatives to pick up the slack. One of the things the Big Brother said he could do to is come eat lunch with DS at school when it starts again later this month. DS completely lit up over that idea but Iím worried if other kids will make fun of him for having a Big Brother.

Random good things: Our summer vacation was to the super exotic...Indianapolis . It was just a few days but it was actually great...even though everyone in that city drives like theyíre personally trying to qualify for the Indy 500. We hit the zoo and the childrenís museum and spent a lot of time being lazy at the hotel; I splurged on a hotel that DS said was almost as good as the Florida Legoland hotelÖwhich is high praise from him . I also took DS to his very first concert: Weird Al . DIY work continues: I built my own garage shelving unit couple of weeks ago and Iím re-staining my deck this weekend because my HOA is useless.

Not so great news: nothing came from visiting with my lawyer about Asshat and DSís dcounselorís recommendation. My lawyer said our judges here wonít make any changes unless thereís some type of physical abuse. Nothing has changed in dealing with Asshat and no improvements to DSís time at Asshatís.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/1/2019 16:39 PM

The Big Brother idea is excellent, in my opinion. I raised 2 sons after WS left us, and not having a decent man in their lives was a big loss for them. They were both in band, male band director so that was pretty great, but he was spread thin.

It would have been so great for them to have 1 on 1 time with a decent guy. They work construction in the summer with a good guy, and itís so helped them.

I wouldnít even tell your xh about the Big Brother, heíll try to ruin it.

Iím nervous about my sons, too, but if this guy had any issues, it probably would have showed up somewhere in all his years of teaching 4th graders.
(((Lilies)))

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:40 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]

Phoenix1 posted 8/1/2019 16:42 PM

I'm glad you checked in, lilies!

Good to hear you are done with treatment. Fingers crossed it got it all for good!

I think the Big Bro for DS is awesome! Try to keep looking at the positives in it for DS instead of focusing on your mama bear instincts. I know, easier said that done. But you may see DS really blossom in this program. Here's hoping, anyway.

Sorry asshat is, well, still an asshat and nothing can be done. Just keep doing the usual - document, document, document. You may eventually build a big enough case against him that something will happen.

You sound good though, and that is awesome within itself.

shakentocore posted 8/1/2019 17:42 PM

Glad to hear Floyd (was that C's name?) treatment is over. You post sounds upbeat - so happy for that! I'm excited about DS's Big Brother matchup. Sounds like a great match!

Your mini-vacation sounds fun. I remember fondly going to NYC (literally a 45 minute train ride) for a long weekend with my mom and siblings when we were little. That was back in the day when "the city" was more gritty than glamorous (think 3 card monty players on the corner, warnings not to use the bus terminal bathrooms). Staying in a hotel, eating out, going to a show (which, looking back, was probably student production). Its the togetherness that makes the memories, not the venue.

WhoTheBleep posted 8/1/2019 17:49 PM

Hello Lilies!! So glad to hear your treatment is done!

Big brother idea is awesome. It will be so good for DS. I wouldn't worry about what the kids at school will say, although I understand your concern. Couldn't DS just say he's a close friend, cleared with the school?

So glad you checked in.

Catwoman posted 8/1/2019 18:37 PM

Indianapolis is a GREAT town for kids. Did you go to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway? They have a museum and part of the admission is doing a lap (via mini-bus) around the track. Way cool. I grew up there, so I'm all about the Children's Museum, the zoo, the Eiteljorg Museum, the Indianapolis Museum of Art . . . you get the picture. Did you stay at the place with the ginormous water park? That's way cool.

Your DS doesn't have to explain his BB other than his "friend." Right? That's what he is. Right?

I'm coming up on my 5-year anniversary (next October). All is clear and good so far. I love my oncologist.

Cat

Chili posted 8/1/2019 20:00 PM

Great news on many fronts lilies! Glad you had a little getaway this Summer - I've always had a good time in Indy. So many things happening there for sure. (Apparently the Speedway now has an Indy car experience where you ride in the "backseat." I'm thinking of that as a future giftie for SO)

The Big Brother idea is really fabulous. I don't think kids can ever have too many people in their lives who care about their well-being. And it doesn't always look like we expect it to.

Check you out all rockin' the house/condo/your-very-own digs projects!

Sorry to hear asshat still = an asshat. Big surprise.

BearlyBreathing posted 8/1/2019 23:07 PM

Glad Earl is history! I think Bb/bs sounds great.

So good to hear from you!!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 8/2/2019 10:54 AM

It is GREAT to see your post !!!

lilies21 posted 8/2/2019 11:30 AM

Thanks, everyone! DS had a great time last night. They bowled two games, had dinner at McDonald's (DS picked and he will always pick McDonald's), and hit Dairy Queen on the way back. They even brought me back a dilly bar . DS wasn't nervous at all to go and he was so happy when he came back.

Iím nervous about my sons, too, but if this guy had any issues, it probably would have showed up somewhere in all his years of teaching 4th graders.

That's what I kept repeating to myself last night when anxiety developed into hyper nervous energy that helped me get my place clean .

Couldn't DS just say he's a close friend, cleared with the school?

Your DS doesn't have to explain his BB other than his "friend." Right? That's what he is. Right?

He definitely could but he's so excited and proud to have a Big Brother that he's telling everyone. I don't want to put any damper on his excitement but I know how mean kids can be too. ETA: Asshat had to give his permission last year for DS to get registered for BB/BS but he doesn't know about the match yet. I'll keep that to myself as long as possible.

Did you go to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway?

We actually didn't; DS couldn't care less about cars or racing and his eyes literally glazed over when I mentioned it. Bumblebee at the children's museum was the only car he was interested in but he was in Transformer mode so doubt that counts .

I'm coming up on my 5-year anniversary (next October). All is clear and good so far. I love my oncologist.

Congratulations, Cat!

Another DIY thing I need to mention: I repaired the rust on my car! She's old and getting some patches and I fixed it. It would have cost $600 to take her in somewhere but I fixed her with $75 worth of supplies, YouTube, and a couple of hours in my garage. She looks five years younger .

--------------------------
The below update happened just moments ago. Apparently the issues with visitation just fixed themselves.

As I was writing this, I got a text from Asshat to call him right away, without DS nearby, and it was urgent. I figured somebody died. I called. He was sobbing so hard I could barely understand him. Apparently they broke up again and he needs to find somewhere to live so I get to keep DS this weekend. He kept repeating he needs to find somewhere to live, like he expected me to fix his problem. All I said is I would keep DS and to keep me updated with the living situation. He obviously wasn't getting any sympathy out of me.

[This message edited by lilies21 at 11:34 AM, August 2nd (Friday)]

Catwoman posted 8/2/2019 11:58 AM

As I was writing this, I got a text from Asshat to call him right away, without DS nearby, and it was urgent. I figured somebody died. I called. He was sobbing so hard I could barely understand him. Apparently they broke up again and he needs to find somewhere to live so I get to keep DS this weekend. He kept repeating he needs to find somewhere to live, like he expected me to fix his problem. All I said is I would keep DS and to keep me updated with the living situation. He obviously wasn't getting any sympathy out of me.

Perfect response--focused on your son and not his problems. He fired you from that job.

Cat

Chrysalis123 posted 8/2/2019 12:44 PM

Good to hear from you and I'm so glad your health is stable. Yeah.

You sound great. Look at you, all pro at handling AH.

tushnurse posted 8/2/2019 13:24 PM

My my my Lillies, you sure have come a long way...
Glad the tx's are done. Hope you are feeling good and strong again.

Sounds to me like you are kicking the Single Mom thing squarely in the sack, so good for you.

(((And prayers for an all clear at the onc))))

hardtimesinlife posted 8/2/2019 14:07 PM

Awesome updates. And any kid who bashes ds having a big brother is just jealous that they don't get to have one!

NEPAlady posted 8/2/2019 21:24 PM

Wow.
So much good news!
And it will keep coming, too.
Look at you and your DIY awesomeness taking care of business.

That karma kick to Asshat and your response was just perfect

You have struggled for so long and are reaping the rewards.
You and DS deserve so much happiness.

wildbananas posted 8/4/2019 16:45 PM

You rock, lilies! I am always so impressed by how you handle life.

And geez, what did asshat think, that you were going to offer him the couch? As if.

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