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10 years didnt know anything

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Cheatcode posted 2/25/2019 22:08 PM

And yes all the toxic and negative people are chucked out of our lives.

hadji posted 2/25/2019 22:30 PM

I didn't know Christians have separate divorce laws in India (my ex-WGF was Catholic btw). I thought only Muslims had that. In any case, adultery should still be a cause for annulment, right?

All things said and done, don't remain in a toxic environment out of fear. I am even surprised how you've managed to rugsweep and remain patient for so many months after your D-day. Anymore rugsweeping, you'd probably end up as a doormat.

Cheatcode posted 2/25/2019 22:40 PM

Hi Hadji,
I am also in disbelief how I have managed it till now, mostly because of the kids as disnt want them to go through this trauma, secondly my parents who are in the late 70ís so dont want to suffer. Thinking of a best solution to get through this.

RocketRaccoon posted 2/26/2019 04:09 AM


Im not sure if someone has faced a similar situation like me but is it really possible to get over such a thing and start all over.

It is possible, BUT you cannot do this:

My wife says she really wants to start over again and bury all that has happened

Your WW want your to conveniently forget, so that she does not have to suffer any consequences.

In order for your M to start the Reconciliation process, you will need to find it in yourself to forgive what she has done. You Do NOT have to forgive right away. You forgive on your own time, at your own pace. Do not rush to forgive.

Which leads on to my next point; you must know what you are forgiving. By doing what your WW wants, you will not know what you are forgiving.... It is like a blind promise, it will not turn out well.

Worst part her parents and sister knew she had an affair back then and her sister knew she was in contact with that guy when I was abroad.
Her parents know everything and they suggested that I leave her and get on with my life.

You Sis in Law is not your friend, so she needs to get out of your lives. Her parent gave you great advice, take it.

If you are from the Philippines, I believe there are no divorce laws, as it is an extremely Catholic country, but not too sure if you can seek an annulment, as you have damn good grounds for one.

Her best friend whom I considered as a younger sister she knew everything and infact wasbthe one hlping her out when that guy was in town. She was the one who aranged for a house for them to spend time alone.

Yeah, this one also needs to go. Keep her in your lives if you like drama. Your WW's BFF probably likes to cause chaos, as it is an entertaining game to her.

So, the first thing you need to do, is to stop moping. It is tough when your heart is shattered, but you will need to get up and get on with your life. Your children need YOU to be strong and stable, as your WW will not be a good role-model.

Even if you do split, this does not mean you will not see your kids again. You can and will still be a part of their lives.

benomania posted 2/26/2019 07:09 AM

A father is the MAN who raises the kids. Not the sperm donor.
However, you need to hit this ass hat where it hurts.
Have the kids checked. Make him pay $ for child support if they indeed his.
The law should be able to force him. This is NOT your battle. That will take care of him good!
As for the wife, I don't know what to tell you here. Sounds like she's never been truthful to you.
What a mess.
If you can find a way to trust her as you age and become more responsible do stay if you wish.
But I'm here to tell you. Serial cheaters usually don't change.
With the same guy too?
Sounds like she has had / has feelings for him still.
That won't end any time soon.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
Please stay positive, talk to people, work out, and try to get this resolved ASAP.
This is no LIFE at all.
If this ass hat doesn't want the girls. Make him pay through the courts then keep the kids.
This way He's supporting you and them for his mistakes.
Once you raise them, they won't want nothing to do with him and possibly their mother.
I'm so sorry.
Be strong.
God bless

TimSC posted 2/26/2019 10:19 AM

Unfortunately you are her Plan B. The other man is Plan A.

She comes back to you only when she fights with the other man.

I the other man did father the youngest child them go after him for child support.

Cheatcode posted 3/25/2019 02:34 AM

Hello All,

Glad to say that Ive decided to move on in life and will take care of my babies and wife goes her way. Starting the legal procesure in 2 weeks from now, now I can focus only on my girls. Thanks a lot everyone who helped me wth their suggestions and help me think clearly.

The1stWife posted 3/25/2019 06:23 AM

Thank you for the update. Iím sorry it had to come to this but I believe you are making the best decision for you and your children.

Once you stop having to be involved with the STBXW and looking over your shoulder at what she is doing - you will be much happier.

Wool94 posted 3/25/2019 08:14 AM

Thank you for the update.

Have you informed the other man's wife?

I'm praying for you.

manofintegrity posted 3/25/2019 08:34 AM

Good luck to you. Once your divorce is final, ensure everyone in the OMís life is made aware of what a POS he is. Yes, it takes two. Make sure he suffers harsh consequences, so heíll think twice before playing his games on another married woman. I think of it as protecting future families. 2 years post A and I can guarantee the POS preacher wonít soon forget me. Iíll always be a thorn in his arse until one of us are pushing up daisies.

Justgettingbye posted 3/25/2019 08:58 AM

Iím so sorry for what youíre going through. Have you had a DNA test done on your daughter? If sheís not biologically yours, what do you want to happen? How old are your girls? Do they have any idea of whatís going on? How did your wife react when you told her youíre divorcing her? Wishing you lots of luck and continued strength!!

cannotforgive posted 3/25/2019 11:49 AM

Cheatcode, that is an honorable and just decision after what your wife put you through.

Its time to enjoy life with your daughters and one day the right person might come to give you the love you deserve. What a fool your wife is!

Good luck.

1Faith posted 3/25/2019 13:19 PM

You are a good man and your daughters are very lucky to have you in their lives.

Focus on you and on them.

Many hugs and prayers for you all.

Cheatcode posted 3/26/2019 00:43 AM

@ The1stWife - Thanks for your wishes.
@Wool94 - Thansk for your prayers. I had sent out emails and message to the other mans wife but not sure if she has read it as I had asked her to contact me via email. Is there anyone from Auckland who can help me locate this person.
@manofintegrity - Yes, even though he is away in Auckland his family stays in my town and I know which church they go to so will ensure this reaches to them.
@ Justgettingbye - I havent done the DNA yet but will be doing it soon as I start with the legal procedures, even if I'm not the biological father, I am the one who has rasied her till now and will continue to do so without any partiality. My girls are 13 and 9 and they do not have any clue of whats going on. Though I was staying with my wife under the same roof since a month I had started getting the feeling that she is no longer interested in this relation and I confronted and she accepted that she still has feeling for him and that she is a selfish person who will always think about her first. On these grounds I told her that there is no point in continuing further and she isnt capable of taking care of the girls so I will take care and she can be on her own enjoying her total freedon and independance.
@ cannotforgive - Thanks for your wishes.
@ 1Faith - Thanks for your hugs and prayers I definitely need them.

@ All the members who have read my story and adviced me a big thank you to all of you and specially this forum which has got us together and help each other out in such terrible situations.

I want the best for my girls and looking to migrate to Europe, UK, US anywhere I can to keep my girls away from all the trauma and give them a better life. Please keep sending your suggestions and wishes Thanks a lot once again.

Buster123 posted 3/26/2019 05:37 AM

I'm glad you are finally on the path to get out of infidelity, your WW is very selfish and is not even interested in raising her own children, that alone tells you you're making the right decision. Take care of your girls and move on, you deserve someone who respects you and loves you. Consult an attorney immediately, make sure you she signs the full custody agreement quickly and before she changes her mind on that, otherwise you will most likely not be able to move to another country.

Cheatcode posted 3/26/2019 06:16 AM

@Buster123 - Yes will be starting the legal procedure soon. Thanks for your wishes.

Wool94 posted 3/26/2019 07:56 AM

Cheatcode, if you come to the US, let me know. It'd be awesome to meet you!

Cheatcode posted 3/26/2019 10:09 AM

@Wool94 - Sure will definitely let you know am also praying that I manage to come to US. Have a friend working in Bay Area who is more like familt and they know everything and want me to come there.

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