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Feeling worthless

Kygrandma1 posted 2/23/2019 20:10 PM

Why do I feel so worthless and want to die? I wasn't the cheater. He was yet he blames me because he says I abandoned him.

pearlamici posted 2/23/2019 20:19 PM

Dear Kygrandma, You came to the right place, everyone here knows how you feel. Please know that we're here to listen to you. You need to read the healing library (upper left corner). I read your profile story - he is not going to change - he is blaming you for his disgusting behavior. Read the "180". Keep posting here and we will support you. Also you need to get tested for STDs. You should see your doctor and let them know what you are going through - no shame on your end - they've heard it all.

antlered posted 2/23/2019 20:43 PM

Oh honey, he is going to say whatever makes him feel better about himself.

You already know that what he says isn't necessarily the truth, right?

You. You kept your vows. You have worth. That guy? He's the guy that has betrayed his vows and is blaming his faithful partner for his misdeeds.

Someday I hope you realize this situation for what it is.

Questioningall posted 2/23/2019 21:53 PM

Have you talked to a lawyer yet? If not, you should. If you also own the house, he shouldn’t be locking you out. Any debt he racks up could be considered your debt, too. You need to protect yourself—he doesn’t sound like someone you can count on to be financially responsible. Even as you love him, try to look at him objectively. Maybe someday he’ll come around, but right now, he’s nowhere close to being a good husband. Don’t trust him. Look after your own interests. Don’t feel guilty. If he really thought you abandoned him, he should have divorced you before starting up with other women.

undertherug posted 2/24/2019 05:27 AM

KYgrandma -- YOU are not the worthless one. I also read your profile story. You have been emotionally abused for a very long time. Please consider getting into IC (individual counseling). Your self esteem has taken a series of major hits over the years. You know from experience that you cannot believe anything your husband says. I hope that soon your anger sets in. Your husband thinks you "abandoned" him because you were caring for your terminally ill father? The man has no empathy at all. A caring, concerned husband would have been helping you. That's what husband and wives are supposed to do for each other. Instead he is hanging out at sleazy motels with other women. This is all on him, not you. Please take care of yourself. I hope you find out way out of this horrible situation soon.

HouseOfPlane posted 2/24/2019 07:54 AM

KYG, what a terrible situation to be in. The two of you are in a drama spiral. A big game. He does something horrible, you catch him, he tells a completely unbelievable lie, you accept it even though both of you know it is a lie. The episode repeats.

He is obviously comfortable with his life. He will never change it on his own. Why should he? His moral compass allows him to emotionally abuse his wife while getting sex from other women and spending family money on himself.

You, on the other hand, are like the frog in the pot, with the heat slowly have gotten higher, but too slow to convince you to jump out when you should have, or at least make the painful (to him) changes that needed to be made.

Any change is going to have to come from you. If you don’t make a change, nothing will change. Tomorrow will be just like today. Another day where this man who is supposed to love you, drives you closer to the grave.

Your will have to take control of your own life. Your WH isn’t going to help.

You’ve been heard, KYG. You came to the right place. Keep talking. How can we help?

Sending strength!

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