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Help please. I'm heartbroken

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max2018 posted 2/18/2019 07:06 AM

Take your kids and run

Call the police immediately

You need to be safe first

changeneeded posted 2/18/2019 13:35 PM

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it's a painful and mind numbing place to be. More than likely you are going without sleep, food and water. It's a tough place to be, I would bet you have a million thoughts, zooming through your head right now.

I'm glad you found us here, it's a grat place to be. You have got to allow yourself to believe your reality, I know you are probably doubting yourself.

The cheater can with expertise and the most since way tell you that he/she is not cheating. Read the stories here, so many have been duped by that sincere " I am not, nor have I ever, nor will I ever cheat. They are pretty good at it. I'm not sure why the OW would apologize for the hurt, she for some reason seems to be helping him keep secret. Is she married also? If so... tell her spouse, or boyfriend.

Your name is not on the or ban? Your husband is controlling you this is how abusers work. He wants to keep you where he can live only with him. How do you purchase household items? Do you have any access to money?

I would call an attorney. Explain the situation you are in , Your H is having an affair, he has taken all access to money and survival, can they please help you? They will at least point you in the right direction if they can't personally help.

Stay strong, stay focused (as much as you can)

Also, call your Dr. explain what is happening, he/she might be able to get you something to sleep/

Lalagirl posted 2/19/2019 10:02 AM

Dear January - whether your husband is having an affair or not, you need to leave this relationship. Get over to the Healing library (upper left corner and read about the 180). If I were you I would not bring up the affair again, get your ducks in a row (see a lawyer) and plan on being in a safe place. He has physically assaulted you and threatens you. Let OW have him.

THIS 1000%!

Let's take the infidelity out of the picture. Let's save your life. Get yourself and your son into IC asap; a women's shelter can give you guidance on ICs, legal matters, etc. Contact one today.

It's time to say "enough," January. I fear his abuse will escalate as soon as he sees anything that you do or say that is "out of line" or not in his narrative. "Pushing" you into submission. You need to get out (or have him legally removed from your home) before you take further steps from a legal standpoint (i.e., having him served).

Have you ever called 911 when he abuses you? If not, and you choose to stay, please call so you have documented evidence, although I really wish you would call a women's DV hotline and let them help you.

I tell you - once you are out of this M and have a chance for your head to clear, you will see through those ugly clouds. And you can bet that if he does have an exit plan (you said he and OW were looking at houses) and he and OW become a couple, he will eventually abuse her too. Abusers don't change...some are just able to keep their masks of bullshit on for a longer period of time.

Hugs!!

MamaDragon posted 2/19/2019 15:26 PM

Everyone has already stated that you need to leave bc he sounds dangerous. Believe them - he has already pushed you down. IT WILL GET WORSE. I know, I lived it. I now volunteer at a victim advocates organization & battered women shelter. I tell you this so you know I'm not blowing smoke. I'm also not saying this to make you angry but people like your husband do not magically turn nice - if anything, they get meaner and nastier. Stop taking his abuse (mentally, emotionally & Physically) and take back your power.

Before you do anything though, get all your important documents - SS Cards, birth certificates, marriage license & any tax information, work stubs, bank records. Make copies, and put BOTH in secure locations (different locations - safe deposit box for one and a trusted friend/lawyer for the other).

Get you a bank account & put money in it. See if you can get a credit card in your name, keep it for emergencies. Siphon money from your groceries - take an extra 20 or 50 out each time you go somewhere that asks - stash that in your account. If everything works out and things get better, it can be a second honeymoon fund or if it gets worse, your emergency escape from a$$hole fund.

Contact your local battered women shelter - or ask the police where you can go if you don't have relatives or friends that will put you up. Move out, like yesterday. If you don't leave, at least have a "jump bag" - IE, emergency cash, clothing, toys and any medications so you can run in a hurry.

Document any and all interactions with him & any contact with his children. Trust me, records count in a divorce.

If he escalates or puts his hand on you, call the police. Again, you want a record of what he is doing in case you need to get a protective order.

Finally, get yourself and your kids in IC. Kids always know something is up...and make sure to take care of yourself physically, drink H20, eat healthy, exercise & take vitamins. It helps, honest.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want.

Lalagirl posted 2/21/2019 11:21 AM

Please check in if you can, January.

I know the posts were a lot to take in - I know this is hard for you...we care, please don't forget that.

((((January))))

pureheartkit posted 2/21/2019 23:51 PM

(((((January)))))))

I know you want answers, want to be treated well. Please let this go. There is nothing healthy here and your questions will not be answered truthfully. If you still feel love or attachment, that's ok. Have your feelings but put your safety at the top of your priorities. Your heart will heal, you will find good and loving people. You will be respected and never live in a situation where your partner abuses your trust and well being.

BeingheldbyJesus posted 2/22/2019 11:41 AM

January, I see that you have been here since November 2017. One year. I read your old threads. You've been told over and over to get out and seek help. You are the only one who can take care of yourself and get out of the relationship if it is so bad. Your WH is not going to change. Do what the others on here have told you to do.

January2222 posted 2/22/2019 15:30 PM

Well today I think I got more information. I checked the Google maps. It showed he was at a house for two hours and a town home for four hours. He said he was not at either place. I went to house, sat outside and listened. I heard classical music. A older woman answered the door and I asked her if I could get a job. She
Said theres no jobs here and theres nothing going on here. I then saw a woman peek through the blinds. It looked like she had a bra on . I contacted support from my carrier they said not possible. Ge was there. 😪 what do people think

January2222 posted 2/22/2019 15:35 PM

Well today I think I got more information. I checked the Google maps. It showed he was at a house for two hours and a town home for four hours. He said he was not at either place. I went to house, sat outside and listened. I heard classical music. A older woman answered the door and I asked her if I could get a job. She
Said theres no jobs here and theres nothing going on here. I then saw a woman peek through the blinds. It looked like she had a bra on . I contacted support from my carrier they said not possible. Ge was there. 😪 what do people think

Shocked123 posted 2/22/2019 15:49 PM

He's cheating on you and is abusive. What more do you want to convince yourself that you need to get out of this marriage.
Sorry but at this point, there is no savaging this relationship and I'm not sure why you would want to.
Get to a womens' shelter with your son.
NOW.

Lalagirl posted 2/26/2019 06:25 AM

January, again, please put the infidelity on the back freaking burner and get you and your son out of the home. Once you're safe, you can get help with the psychological effects the infidelity and the abuse have had on you. If he hurts or kills you, who will care for your son? Please consider that. Let him go. Call a shelter. For YOUR SON.

((((HUGS))))

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