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Help please. I'm heartbroken

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January2222 posted 2/16/2019 23:17 PM

Hi, I just confronted my husband about a woman I suspect hes been sleeping with for two and a half years. I kept repeating to him I know you slept with then her name over and over again. He had tears in his eyes when I did this but he wouldn't tell me. He then started laughing after this and said it didn't happen. I know he did. Another time I confronted him he got violent. I'm losing it. Should I leave him. I need the truth. Will my attorney go through his phone to find out. What if I'm wrong. Please help anyone.

[This message edited by January2222 at 1:51 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]

HopefulJourney posted 2/16/2019 23:34 PM

Hi Jan,
Help will be coming. Weekends can be slow but you will get wise advice from those who have experienced exactly what youíre going through.
Read Healing Library and others stories. Some may seem harsh and abrupt, take whatís helpful and scroll past the rest. We all have our pain and some react differently than others. Take care of you. Sleep, eat,water and exercise if you can. Do your homework, find out everything you can and deal with facts. Hang in there.

Marz posted 2/17/2019 00:16 AM

You never get much by confronting without evidence.

Check your online phone bill for a start.

What evidence did you have?

Edie posted 2/17/2019 00:30 AM

So very sorry for your distress.

Did your husband get violent with you?

heartbroken_kk posted 2/17/2019 00:36 AM

Hi January, sorry you are here.

I understand why you felt you needed to confront him.

Can you explain a little more about his reaction?

Why do you think he had tears in his eyes? Did he say anything that indicated he was sorry or sad that you felt this?

Why do you think he laughed? Was it a nervous laugh, like a release of tension, or do you think he is mocking you or making fun out of your accusations?

What do you mean "he got violent"? Did he hit you? Throw things? Something else?

Your attorney won't go through his phone but you might be able to hire someone who is tech savvy to do it for you. Do you have a way of getting his phone away from him?

What about his computer, can you get on there? or can you log into his accounts that he uses on his phone through the computer and look at his activity that way?

You registered here, I'm guessing because of the first time you started having suspicions. What did you do then, and what has changed since then?

Can you tell us more about your relationship? How long have you been married? Do you have kids? Own a home?

The truth is that you can leave him if you want to, and you don't need proof of an affair to get a divorce. You can just decide you don't like being married to him anymore and file for D. Cheaters generally have a whole host of other behaviors that aren't compatible with long term happiness in a relationship. If you have had enough, you are free to go.

January2222 posted 2/17/2019 00:41 AM

Alot of people have been telling me hes cheating on me. I confronted ow. She said she was sorry she and my husband hurt me so badly, but denied sleeping with him. I've had a gut feeling about this for two and a half years. Hes been distant and withholding.

January2222 posted 2/17/2019 00:53 AM

We've been married 20 years. When confronted, he pushed me and I fell down. It was a mocking laugh. He did not acknowledge the tears. He said that didn't happen. He then said I've never cheated on you. He said it with so much conviction. The thing that bugs me is his relationship with ow. She texts to say goodnight. Texts first thing in morning. She admitted that he chears her up. They just seem too close. I said this relationship is hurting me. He said he will never stop texting her ever

Edie posted 2/17/2019 01:00 AM

You are in an abusive relationship. This is domestic violence. Are you in UK or US?

pureheartkit posted 2/17/2019 01:10 AM

This is an affair. Physical/ emotional it matters not at this point. You are not his first concern and he is worse than that, he is abusive. Hang on, you will get the help you need here. Trust yourself and know cheaters most always deny what you don't have the proof to wave in their face.

January2222 posted 2/17/2019 01:23 AM

I just saw they are looking at houses. I'm freaking out now badly

January2222 posted 2/17/2019 01:35 AM

Hes mentally cruel to me. He calls me crazy a nut. Screams at me and doesn't put me on the bank account. I've taped the screaming and yelling. It's terrifying. He threatened to have his friends kill me and my family. I'm absolutely traumatized right now. I think I have PTSD. I'm so scared I can hardly function. He didn't put my name on the house. He said before he would make sure I get nothing.

I'm so scared I don't know what to do.

bluetears posted 2/17/2019 01:44 AM

January- I know you are going crazy right now but get your thoughts together and do not rush into anything yet. Unless, there is any DV. IMO, take a breath, wait until you are out of the fog and you will have a clearer mind to figure out what is best for YOU!

Dragonfly123 posted 2/17/2019 02:51 AM

Oh January this man is abusive. Is there anywhere you can go to get some space away from him? You need to think straight but you canít atm. Heís downright cruel. Please get out.

Buster123 posted 2/17/2019 04:19 AM

Consult an attorney immediately !!! What exactly are you trying to save here ? Please just file for D without warning and don't look back, you're being abused.

Edie posted 2/17/2019 05:01 AM

If you are in the UK, get yourself immediately to Womens Aid, they are very experienced in these situations and will give you expert legal and emotional advice and can protect and shelter you if you need.

There will be a US equivalent organisation.

Calm yourself, he is practised at terrifying you, but you are not alone now. Who do you have irl to support you?

January2222 posted 2/17/2019 06:13 AM

My son has witnessed this and is now yelling at me too. I'm so worried about him. I was told when my husband is being cruel to me, hes also being cruel to him too. I'm so overwhelmed I never yell,but
I and yelled at him last night. I allowed him to push me over the edge.

pearlamici posted 2/17/2019 16:05 PM

Dear January - whether your husband is having an affair or not, you need to leave this relationship. Get over to the Healing library (upper left corner and read about the 180). If I were you I would not bring up the affair again, get your ducks in a row (see a lawyer) and plan on being in a safe place. He has physically assaulted you and threatens you. Let OW have him.

ShutterHappy posted 2/17/2019 16:51 PM

Like the others have said, if he gets violent you need to leave.

Looking at you post history, you have posted several times since at least november and were given the same advice.

brkn_heartd posted 2/17/2019 20:16 PM

It is an abusive relationship you are in and your son is learning it. They are having an affair...minimally an emotional affair, but undoubtable a physical one. You have a couple of options...first, I would quietly make an appointment with an attorney. Find out your options. Even if you are not on the assets, it doesn't mean that by law in your location that they are not still 50% yours. Your spouse is trying to scare you. Get the facts and only an attorney can help you.

If you are not sure who to help you best, you can also call a battered woman's shelter for assistance. I recommend that regardless. You may opt not to go, but they can help you navigate through this.

Your H does not believe you will do he kepts cheating...what are your going to do to him...yell? From his perspective he wants it both ways. You have to find the strength to say no more. The attorney should be able to help you. Most attorneys do not charge for the first meeting, so you do not need money for this.

Start reading the 180 and learn how to start separating emotionally from him. We are here for you. Keep posting.

sandbar posted 2/18/2019 06:24 AM

Consult an attorney. Find someplace safe to stay so you can think clearly about what your next step is. You need to protect yourself emotionally and physically first.

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