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Being played. Paralyzed.

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babbu posted 4/8/2019 05:29 AM

Speedbump. I wish you the best and I hope everything turns out however you want it to ... but I want to say something that might be tough to hear.

Please be cautious when you're dealing with her legally. She can potentially charge you with fraud if you're traced to using her Amazon account to buy things. Did I read that right, earlier? That you used her account to buy things? Did you buy the books with her money or your money?

SpeedBump posted 4/8/2019 08:57 AM

I sincerely appreciate all the inspirational messages from everyone and today is slightly better. I know it gets better eventually but that doesn't really make today any better.

Babbu - I am not worried about her and the book incident. It was my account, not hers, and on one book it was her card for payment. Anyway, the last thing I need to do is get anxious over that but thanks for reminding me at my low point. I especially appreciate getting "tough love" when I've just been put through the wood chipper and am lying on the other end of it bleeding out. Just what I need, so thanks for that. Please excuse me now as I contemplate taking a flying leap off the balcony of my 45th floor hotel room.

[This message edited by SpeedBump at 9:00 AM, April 8th (Monday)]

Cooley2here posted 4/8/2019 09:13 AM

There is a saying here to take/use what you need and leave the rest. Do you feel overwhelmed by all the suggestions? We send them because we want to wrap you in cashmere armor to keep you safe. We all know you have to go through your grief. We just hate it for you because you are alone so we try to be your support.

Babbu just wanted to protect you. That is what we all want.

I see anger. Good for you. It gives you energy to get things done.

Take care.

The1stWife posted 4/8/2019 09:36 AM

SpeedBump. I envy you never having been exposed to this type of mooching spouse stealing creature.

Unfortunately for me two of my “friends” did the “try to steal my BF” routine in My teens. I learnedcstcsn early age not to trust “friends”. Of course this is nothing compared to what you endured.

Your H’s Affair was torturous due to the sick and evil game that was played in addition to the Affair. The taunting and daring. All of it.

I hope you realize that the OW may “look” like her life is good. She will never show her pain and unhappiness to the world. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

You will come out aheadcin the long run. I honestly believe that. You may R. Or not. But don’t think the OW got away with anything. People know and talk. Trust me.

babbu posted 4/8/2019 11:59 AM

I'm very sorry and I do not mean to cause you pain. Gently, as possible, using her card was fraud and she can potentially have this traced to you and you ending up in a legal mess. Please be careful and consult with all the legal resources you have available before proceeding past the cease and desist because she has something she can retaliate with pretty hard.

Again, I do not want to hurt you, but I did not want you to be blindsided. I'm fairly surprised no one has pointed this out before now.

SpeedBump posted 4/8/2019 13:10 PM

EDITING because replying when emotional is never a good idea. Just a totally crap day...

[This message edited by SpeedBump at 1:55 PM, April 8th (Monday)]

Furious1 posted 4/8/2019 14:49 PM

SpeedBump, I am sorry that you are struggling today. I've felt the same way more times than I care to admit. If you are going to hurt yourself, please reach out for help. Go to your nearest emergency room if need be. Hugs.


beauchateaux posted 4/8/2019 14:52 PM

We understand. Some days are definitely better than others. Feel free to vent here if it helps, we've all been there.

Take care of yourself, okay?

sinsof thefather posted 4/8/2019 15:08 PM

(((Speedbump))) We're thinking of you.

childofcheater posted 4/8/2019 16:21 PM

I get it Speed Bump when you got through this it's really hard to be a glass half full person. I hope you're able to relax a little and clear your head. We're all pulling for you.

SpeedBump posted 4/8/2019 20:43 PM

I'm stepping away. The passive aggressive ("don't mean to hurt you but...only trying to help but") comments are sending me off the deep end.. it's too hard to "take what resonates and leave the rest behind" especially when those who aim to hurt come back to kick me again. Hell, if I wanted that I would just move back in with WH and next door to the sociopath.

Hopefully, some on here will be able to tell when they aren't actually being helpful, especially when it's spelled out for them.

To those who did and do mean well I appreciate it. I'm not in a good space and this just seems to be making it and me worse now.

Peace. Out.

childofcheater posted 4/8/2019 20:53 PM

I'm sorry SB!!! We're here if/when u are ready to come back. Please take care of yourself!

Mizzbak posted 4/8/2019 21:53 PM

I'm sorry that things are heavy on your shoulders today. This sucks.

It is still cold where I live. But the snow is melting in the forest behind my house. I've seen deer a few times now from my deck. I'm pouring you a metaphorical glass of late-night wine and looking east. I think your sun is rising about now. If you need to talk, you know where to find us.

You're not alone. Don't forget that.

otter posted 4/8/2019 23:04 PM

babbu, you are not the first to point it out, but others removed their post in case someone not friendly to Speedbump trips over this site. You should do the same. Speedbump has to do what is necessary to be physically safe. Encouraging her to do otherwise is not helpful. With the physical damage to the car, the AP seems to be heading into crazy town territory. Where I live a key down the length of a car is thousands of dollars to repaint.

ohforanewme posted 4/9/2019 04:23 AM


No advice or recommendations here.

Just to let you know that there is a chap who has some idea of what you are going through and who genuinely cares and has concern for you. 

I seldom offer advice or opinion on SI. I don't feel wise or experienced enough.  I ten rather to share a little of  my experience and hope it helps.  

You and I are facing some of the crappyest crap that a life journey can throw at a person.  In these circumstances,  words seem incapable of providing any help or relief.  Often they seem to make things worse.  Platitudes seem irritating. 

The thing is,  from my experience in  a thread over in D/S, offering me support,  it is not the words, or the platitudes that I have found comfort in,  but rather,  seeing just how much so many of the folk on here genuinely care for me. They do for you as well. 

I have been travelling through Europe for 3 weeks now. Each morning the forecast says low cloud and rain.  Each day has been bright and clear,  as if mother nature knows that I need a little brightness in my life.  

Also,  the spring that has come so early,  has made some of the continent's most significant gardens that I have gotten to visit,  vibrantly beautiful.  

I hope that you have gotten to share,  at least some of my bright skys and spring beauty. 

Today is something of a special day for me. Have an extra portion of good vibes mojo. I will blanket the Europe sky with it and hope that some finds its way to you 

Odonna posted 4/9/2019 05:24 AM

Speed bump Dear,

Ohfor and I share an affinity for the infinite sky. It can be very helpful just to look up, take a deep breath, and think about this glorious world and the layers of air that reflect the light from that ball of flame out there and give us such beauty. And it stretches over and connects all of us. All of us. No borders or divisions. It embraces all humanity. Even gray days can be like being wrapped in a pearl, and stormy days show us the sheer power of Nature. I use the sky as my personal therapist at times. She is quite wise.

I hope this helps you, and that you stay connected with us. We all know how you feel, and every minute that someone spends typing out a message to you is meant as a gift to you.

[This message edited by Odonna at 5:26 AM, April 9th (Tuesday)]

steadychevy posted 4/9/2019 06:41 AM

babbu, what is your motivation? This topic was covered and explained pages and pages ago.

SpeedBump, I hope you step back but don't step out. Continue to read here. There are so many here who want to provide support, suggestions, empathy and compassion. I hope in time you can step back in. Without question we'll be here.

Lalagirl posted 4/9/2019 06:54 AM

I definitely understand your need to take a break, but please come back. ((((SpeedBump))))

We are not professionals and sometimes say things that we should not. I know it's hard to take what you need and leave the rest, because you can't unread what you've read. I get it.

I also understand the need to step away - I just took a month-long SI break; nothing against the site at all; it can be emotionally draining, even from the side of trying to help others.

Huge hugs, sweetie.


HouseOfPlane posted 4/9/2019 07:18 AM

babbu ...WTF?

SB, never forget the awesome power of every now and then just saying f*** this sh!t” and getting on with stuff. It puts it in its place.

Sending strength!

Booyah posted 4/9/2019 07:41 AM

SB, certainly understand the need to step away. Hang in there and take this one day at a time.

It's crazy to share something like this with people on the internet, but hopefully you see that there are numerous people that genuinely care for you and want to help.

We're here to listen (and offer advice), but if you need to vent than go ahead and vent. It's great to have SI but hopefully you've been able to open up and share some more of this with your daughter and a couple of the friends you mentioned?

Praying for you and please keep the faith that you WILL get through this!!!

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