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Being played. Paralyzed.

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SpeedBump posted 2/17/2019 17:52 PM

Thanks, All. I agree that getting it in writing and having time to dissect, digest and consider my response to him, if any, is best. I have told him as much, too. I am on pins and needles now wondering when it might arrive and then I am certain I'll be terrified (sickly nervous) to actually open and read it. What a horrible place to be...waiting to receive a timeline of betrayal.

One thing I never actually did was force NC on him - or tell him I expected it in any way. I only told him to keep her out of my house. I shouldn't have to tell him that, I know, and would hope he would go no contact on his own, but I know I shouldn't expect that from what I have read here. So in my response to his question, I also added the NC requirement and if he was willing to do that, he should send me the NC notification he sends her BEFORE he sends it to her so I can see and approve, or not.

We'll see how that goes over but I struggled writing that to him because I don't want him to believe in any way that this is leading to R. I have no idea where it's leading. I just want them to be NC.

GrayShades posted 2/17/2019 18:42 PM

You can say exactly that -- NC is required for R, but it's no guarantee. It's an absolute to even consider reconciliation.

Stevesn posted 2/17/2019 22:12 PM

Hi SB. I sent you a PM.

Hope you got a good nightís rest.

whodidimarry posted 2/18/2019 00:43 AM

I don't think there's much difference between requesting a detailed timeline and asking for NC in terms of reconcilation.

Both of those things tell me that R has not been ruled out and the door is ajar. After all, why would you want a timeline if you've already decided that it's over? You would just file for divorce, get an STD test and move on. No need for further communication with him.

otter posted 2/18/2019 16:51 PM

Edited since problem resolved, yea Speedbump!

BTW, I used to hate speedbumps, but now I slow down and give them the respect they are due

[This message edited by otter at 11:21 PM, February 18th (Monday)]

Robert22205https posted 2/18/2019 17:18 PM

With respect to you posts that may be interpreted or used against you in a court of law, simply use the edit function to revise the relevant sentences.

SpeedBump posted 2/18/2019 18:03 PM

Thanks for keeping me on straight and narrow, all. Where I could, I changed the payment info to my own. I'm better than that. At least about the payment stuff, but not above sending the books. That 5h!7 is still going. If she wants to come after me for the rest, bring it. I'm not stessing over $30. I have worse things to worry about and she's no longer one of them.

Cooley2here posted 2/18/2019 18:15 PM

Good for you! Life can stink sometimes and we want to punch it in the nose. You have managed this mess with dignity. Sending her books is not a crime. Maybe she will read them and realize what a horror she is but I would not put money on it.
Keep going! You are doing great.
Sending giant hugs.

Whataboutus posted 2/19/2019 06:13 AM

I would not stress about sending her books. I sent the OW an anonymous exploding glitter dick package! Was it juvenile, probably? But I didnít really care. It felt good and it still makes me giggle thinking of her picking up all the little glitter dicks off the floor!

SpeedBump posted 2/19/2019 09:44 AM

So they had sex in our kitchen while I was in the shower. A quickie before the three of us went to see A Star is Born, which I invited her to go see with us. Told her I had to hop in the shower so she came running over so they could f&@k before we went out as a trio. Not sure why this is worse than anything else I already know and maybe it isn't. It's the straw that broke the proverbial back. My back.

I have notified him we are officially separated to start the required separation to initiate divorce. I'm killing myself, literally killing myself. Now, I have to take care of me. He's on his own.

[This message edited by SpeedBump at 9:45 AM, February 19th (Tuesday)]

nothisfriend posted 2/19/2019 09:46 AM

Oh! This is so extremely cruel. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Cooley2here posted 2/19/2019 09:57 AM

Now you know. You know that there was deliberate cruelty. It really is all you need to know. But please stay in touch with all of us. We are your virtual extended family just pulling for you every minute. Do take good care of yourself. He is not worth one more tear.

childofcheater posted 2/19/2019 09:57 AM

Oh my God Speed Bump!!! I'm so sorry!!! This is heartbreaking! I have no words.

Shockedmom posted 2/19/2019 10:01 AM


Just when I think it couldnít get worse. While it is good that he held nothing back this level of disrespect and risking you catching them is sickening. I am so sorry.

Take care of yourself. This has been another devastating blow.

Lalagirl posted 2/19/2019 10:07 AM

Oh, sweetie...I'm SO sorry.

They are indeed sick and twisted and ya know, sometimes the damage cannot be undone, even if your WH is truly remorseful and wants to make things right. Sometimes you just can't.

I absolutely love the book idea and wish *I* would have thought of that for xOW (who was also a mutual friend)...although the capacity in which she can read/write, she may not have gotten it.

Sending tons and tons of hugs....

beauchateaux posted 2/19/2019 10:18 AM

Ugh, I'm sorry. That's really messed up. I guess it's good that he's being honest and detailed with the timeline even though he has to know it won't do him any favors, but still...having to hear/read stuff like that is just so gut-wrenching.

You just keep doing what's best for you, lady, whatever that looks like for you.

susieque2 posted 2/19/2019 10:26 AM

This is beyond cruel ---- they're both a waste of space!

Please just focus on you now --- decision is made - you have removed yourself from infidelity so now you can begin your journey of healing yourself.

Sending you all the good vibes and strength I can ----

tikismom posted 2/19/2019 10:55 AM

I am so sorry SB. What they did was so cruel & heartless. I hope you can find peace & strength while you move forward.

whodidimarry posted 2/19/2019 11:30 AM

I'm so sorry, SB. We're here for you.

Booyah posted 2/19/2019 11:36 AM

Wow SpeedBump my heart hurt for you reading that.

I agree with Cooley that they were "deliberately" cruel to you. These two are freakin evil. You mentioned he said to you that he "didn't know how to stop it" once the A was in full swing. He didn't know "how" because he didn't want to.

This H of yours is one F'd up dude.

It's like he WANTED to get caught (a "quickie while you were in the shower"?).

Question. Do you know your neighbors?

At some point I would let all of the women neighbors know who and what this woman is and to keep their H away from her. I would also let this skank neighbor know you outed her to everyone on the block.

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