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Different perspective

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Arthur posted 4/12/2019 18:36 PM

I've just joined. I've been following your thread from day one.
You are following a carefully thoughtful "aware" course of action.

I do have a question based on your first post. Have you discussed your choices with your "life coach"? How are you avoiding falling back into your past habits in other parts of your life?

Be well and stay strong.

Atg100 posted 4/12/2019 21:20 PM

I am actually much more self aware than what I have ever been. Many of the mistakes I made in the distant past were impulse driven and I was looking for immediate reward.
I have completely changed and donít do anything anymore without asking if my actions fit in with my values
That used to be a slow and painful process, but now - itís easy and almost automatic .
Iím still emailing my life coach. But that was daily for a while, now itís weekly and itís just ď checking in ď

[This message edited by Atg100 at 9:21 PM, April 12th (Friday)]

Atg100 posted 4/13/2019 03:21 AM

I am doing a bit rough today.
I have the flu - properly sick and all my plans for the weekend had to be scrapped .
I watching comedies and try to sleep but Iím sick as a dog.
This lead to quite a negative mindset. I can look beyond that but it would have been easier , if I could have exercised and had gone out with friends.
There will be other opportunities of course

AFL1000 posted 4/13/2019 22:13 PM


Sorry to hear you are down with the flu bug. I know when I am really stressed my immune system takes a pounding so I take extra precautions to load up on extra strength vitamins, minerals and micronutrients. I am sure that with all that you have been through with your STBXW's affair, the separation, impending divorce and co-parenting it's taken it's toll. You did mention that on occasions when it's only you at home you have neglected your nutritional intake.

You're the medico so you know what to do to lessen getting these bugs and potentially passing it on the kids. However you may want to consider coughing and sneezing over your STBX

Hope you get over the flu quickly.

Atg100 posted 4/14/2019 01:23 AM

I am better today, I was sick since Tuesday and missed 3 days at work. I completely agree - the lack of sleep and the stress has knocked my immune system down.
In that way, I could actually be grateful that it was only me at home. I could just lie on the sofa and rest. Today was much more productive and I am all packed for our trip to Sydney tomorrow.
We will be 4 days in Bondi and then 3 days with friends who have kids the same age.

The interactions with my wife become harder and she is fighting little petty fights.
I am biting my tongue so hard, it has calluses .
I would love to scream, instead I am doing as told and avoid conflict to get the settlement over and done with.

NoOptTo posted 4/14/2019 05:52 AM

Glad your feeling better ATG. Hope you have a wonderful trip with your kids. Your doing great by trying to not engage with your STBXWW. She is goofing to continue to ramp up the petty squabbles get to feel as if she has some sort of control. Keep your end goal in sight. D is just above the horizon for you.

paboy posted 4/17/2019 23:20 PM

Hows the break going bud amongst them cockroachers... Hope you and the little ones are enjoying yourselves, and having a great time.

Atg100 posted 4/18/2019 05:11 AM

We went sailing all day on Sydney Harbour - itís my birthday and friends had organised this amazing day.
The kids were very excited and the weather was just perfect.
My stbxw sent me a birthday message signed ď XXĒ .
I politely texted back saying thank you, but it would have been nicer not to hear from her.
She would have loved the sailing and she knew what we were doing, so she couldnít let me have fun, without disturbing my nice day.
The best gift she could give me would be to hurry the divorce proceedings along.
But she doesnít think like that.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 5:12 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]

AFL1000 posted 4/18/2019 06:40 AM


Happy Birthday🎂🍾 What a great way to spend it sailing on Sydney Harbour with the kids and good friends. This is just one of many things that your STBXW is going to miss out participating in.

Enjoy the rest of your break ...looks like great weather for the whole Easter period.

paboy posted 4/18/2019 13:05 PM

Have a great long weekend and a Happy Birthday greeting for you my friend

Marz posted 4/18/2019 13:20 PM

I politely texted back saying thank you,

Learn to ignore and not respond unless it's needed.

A friend of mine went through this same thing. Eventually she got it and has stopped bugging.

NoOptTo posted 4/18/2019 15:20 PM

Happy birthday ATG. So glad your enjoying it with your kids and friends. This is yet another proof positive that you are valued and loved by others. As for your STBXWW, you have the kids so there was no reason to even read her txt. Just saying, she will continue conversing with you if you answer. I know your playing nice to get to an end, you have the kids so there was no need to entertain anything from her.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip. Hopefully your saving as many memories as possible.

Atg100 posted 4/18/2019 18:50 PM

Mšrz - I will stay polite until the financial separation is finalised .

Atg100 posted 4/18/2019 18:50 PM

double post

[This message edited by Atg100 at 6:51 PM, April 18th (Thursday)]

Marz posted 4/18/2019 18:52 PM

Got it. That is a smart move on your part.

After the inks dry you know what your best path is.

Atg100 posted 4/20/2019 23:11 PM

Happy Easter everyone!

The madness continues.
Yesterday, my ex sent an email, saying sorr for everything I had to endure .
Today she asks, when we would return tomorrow.
I asked the kids if the want to go straight to the airport to her house - and they begged to go to my place first.
I told her what the kids would like - and get a short , angry reply.
Does she want to keep this up until my daughter is 18 ? Or longer ?

paboy posted 4/21/2019 01:58 AM

Either she has had too much easter eggs and is having a sugar dive, or no one has bothered giving her any and she needs a sugar boost...

NoOptTo posted 4/21/2019 06:37 AM

Happy Easter ATG.

So glad that your kids want to spend as much time as possible with you. It's just a bitter pill your STBXWW has to deal with. As with your her, I'd be prepared to deal with her tactics forever. Remember it's all about her. Once your D is finalized you can begin to truly detach. Do 3 minute child exchanges. Only discuss the children's lives through email unless it's an emergency. And you can wait to reply to any situation til you have figured out how you want to respond. Often shorter the better. The saying, never feed a narc will be your biggest ally.

Til then continue, doing your best. So glad you enjoyed your vacation.

Atg100 posted 4/22/2019 15:23 PM

I did exchange a couple of emails with her yesterday evening, sorting out holiday plans for the rest of the year.
I have to be specific and detailed, as the roster in my public hospital relies on it, as well as my private business.
Her answers are vague and non committal; " on a quick glance this looks ok"
She loves the perceived power, I am sure, but I have locked it all in the way I suggested it and sent her a copy of the time table.

I also reminded her that I want to sort out our financial separation in a timely manner.
To which she replied " I don't know what's going on at the moment"

I know exactly what is going on:
My lawyer sent all the required paperwork to her lawyer ages ago, she now needs to finish her side of the pool of assets statement and then we can meet. I am ready, my lawyer is ready.

Can I say what I want to say?

Of course not.

Another acquaintance contacted me yesterday.
He had seen my wife out with friends in a pub a few times, whilst we were still together. She flirted with every man around her, he thought it was pretty outrageous.
I told him, that whilst this doesn't surprise me, I am not interested any more. I did point out that he should have told me that whilst we were still together, that would have been the honorable thing.
Meanwhile her mother still runs around and blames me for the divorce. My behavior drove her into the arms of other men.
Ah well, she can go and f... herself for all I know.

Buster123 posted 4/22/2019 20:13 PM

Sounds like her A was just the tip of the iceberg, anyway more proof you made the right choice (not that you needed more), it doesn't matter now, keep playing your game until the D is finalized and the ink is dry, but don't let it bother you too much after that, your goal should be indifference. Just curious why didn't he tell you back then ? what was his sorry ass response ? Let me guess, "I didn't want to get involved" "None of my business".

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