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She's Got a Boyfriend

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Cheatee posted 8/30/2018 14:59 PM

DD informed me her Mom now has a boyfriend. I am hugely relieved. I noticed that my XWW's tone toward me has softened recently. Perhaps it's because she's gettin' some?

Now I hope her focus can turn to him, not me.

Don't know anything about him. Don't care beyond how DD feels about him. She said "as long as he makes Mom happy, that's all that counts..." and then went on a jag about how he seems disinterested in her in contrast to my GF, who took a fair amount of heat from DD early in our relationship, but rolled with the punches gracefully.

Best of all, DD seems to be much more at peace with things. Some of you may recall she felt burdened by having to be her broken Mom's caretaker. Maybe DD feels freed from this unhealthy role now that new guy is on the scene.

I do wonder how XWW answers the inevitable question of "Why did you and your ex split up?" and if she answered truthfully if the guy didn't get a bad case of jelly spine.

But ultimately it's best for everyone if she's happy, in a good relationship, DD sees that everyone may live happily ever after. And, despite my fading anger, I do care about XWW on some level and want her to be happy, even if her new boyfriend is nowhere near as cool as the husband she squandered.

WhoTheBleep posted 8/30/2018 15:45 PM

This is indeed good news.

My WH has also gone quiet since he's been in luuurrrvee. I prayed for this. Thank you!!

I also wonder what he tells her. If ANY mention of cheating comes up, I'm sure it is that I "tortured him" and he couldn't take it anymore and "had an affair" as a cry for help, and to save the kids from D.

But what about all the cheating before the kids were born...hmm...

Oh well, she can gobble up his lies now.

max2018 posted 8/30/2018 16:36 PM


Phoenix1 posted 8/30/2018 17:35 PM

Enjoy her distraction!

I know it made a big difference with Xhole and me. Before his newest victim, er GF, he would use any excuse to contact me, even though I never engaged with more than a perfunctory response. Suddenly, new GF, and I don't hear a peep from him! Halla-freaking-leuja!! Happy dance for me!!

WhoTheBleep posted 8/30/2018 21:18 PM

Phoenix1, exactly!! It's so euphoric I'm almost depressed from lack of chaos. Like I'm holding my breath and.....nothing.

Hope this lasts. Enjoy it cheatee!

Cheatee posted 8/31/2018 06:00 AM

Even if the relationship doesn't last, it's a milestone for DD that will last.

I hope it works out for XWW, mostly 'cause it means stability for DD, but also XWW could use some relief from her personal Dementors.

EvenKeel posted 8/31/2018 07:08 AM

My ex was being an extra-idiot during the D. To the point, I had to go to the State Police. The policeman's advice? "Hope he gets a GF soon because his focus will shift to her".

May you enjoy the same thing during her dating of this new guy.

I was like you. I told my kiddos all I care is ex's GF was good to them. Other than that.....my view was "whatev to meh".

I do wonder how XWW answers the inevitable question of "Why did you and your ex split up?"
You know, when I was dating, I never got asked this. I think the guys were waiting to see if I brought it up.

Doesn't really matter, your ex will probably paint a picture of what she thinks happened. You know, rewriting marital history at its best.

Cheatee posted 8/31/2018 07:33 AM

You know, when I was dating, I never got asked this. I think the guys were waiting to see if I brought it up.
Doesn't really matter, your ex will probably paint a picture of what she thinks happened. You know, rewriting marital history at its best.

When I was dating it always came up. Women were relieved that I was a BS, since many of the men they had dated had a complicated answer.

She may spin it, or she may claim (as she did in our failed reconciliation) "That wasn't me. I was someone else." The Sybil excuse, which should make any boy friend run for the hills.

Lazarus posted 8/31/2018 09:05 AM

I do wonder how XWW answers the inevitable question of "Why did you and your ex split up?" and if she answered truthfully if the guy didn't get a bad case of jelly spine.


When I first started informing people of our separation and pending divorce my WW asked me what I told them when they asked why. I told her that if they asked I told them the truth. She asked me in all seriousness "What is that?" Somewhat incredulously I said something along the lines of "because you had an affair" and she responded with "it's not that simple". I'd love to know what she tells people.

Cheatee posted 8/31/2018 10:49 AM

Laz,

Well, the story my ex told our friends (and our daughter - GRRRR!!!) was:

"I just had a brief affair and Cheatee was too fragile and sensitive to forgive me."

Who would hear that and not shudder?

BrokenheartedUK posted 8/31/2018 12:26 PM

"I just had a brief affair and Cheatee was too fragile and sensitive to forgive me."

and
Who would hear that and not shudder?

It begs belief that anyone would ignore what is so obviously wrong about that but people do.

My Ex started to see his GF about five months after I initiated the divorce and since it's not the OW, I honestly couldn't care less. He's been with her for three years now and I can't begin to imagine what she sees in him as apparently her Ex cheated on her when she was pregnant with their child. Further, in the time since they got together, my Ex has totaled one car, was arrested for DUI with her in the car, and in general if he isn't crashing his car he's a metaphorical car crash emotionally, but as the saying here goes, not my circus.

I think in a way once he copped to having a girlfriend (which I knew about because of my oldest who was living with his father at the time)--which took him over 18 months to tell his other two children--they were once they processed it, relieved.

CaliforniaNative posted 9/1/2018 21:54 PM

I do wonder how XWW answers the inevitable question of "Why did you and your ex split up?" and if she answered truthfully if the guy didn't get a bad case of jelly spine.

I went on a date with an ex boyfriend. Here is what he told me when it slipped he was doing OLD while married

ďI saw her online hanging out with a bunch of guys so I sai d F*ck it, I am going to do the sameĒ

So yes... insert lies, justification and a couple of poor meís...wash, rinse, repeat.

I just had a brief affair and Cheatee was too fragile and sensitive to forgive me

Lol....the lies havenít stopped. You should be glad that is not your problem anymore. My EXWH still lies to me about stupid stuff and itís been a year since DDay. Old habits die hard..

[This message edited by CaliforniaNative at 10:01 PM, September 1st (Saturday)]

Marz posted 9/1/2018 22:04 PM

When I first started informing people of our separation and pending divorce my WW asked me what I told them when they asked why. I told her that if they asked I told them the truth. She asked me in all seriousness "What is that?" Somewhat incredulously I said something along the lines of "because you had an affair" and she responded with "it's not that simple". I'd love to know what she tells people.

Just say "I didn't like her boyfriend ".

Lawyerman posted 9/3/2018 05:06 AM

You know, I've spent the best part of 30 years dreading my WW being with another man. Killing myself over it.

Now it seems quite appealing. Poor bastard.

She keeps pointing out the things I could do to make her feel better. I would rather someone else had that job from now on.

CharliB posted 9/4/2018 09:41 AM

@ lawyerman,
It's nice to get to that point. I am relieved that my WH has a girlfriend. Keeps him out of my hair,( in addition to the restraining order I have against him. )

I am glad that my DS's are finally accepting that their Dad has a GF. They are also cheering me on in my dating escapades.
I think they have felt burdened to take care of me. They are 24,23,15. I am sensing that they would like to see me happily moving on with another man.

Marz posted 9/13/2018 20:08 PM

She keeps pointing out the things I could do to make her feel better

Ignore, that's not your job now.

WhoTheBleep posted 9/14/2018 08:10 AM

You know, I've spent the best part of 30 years dreading my WW being with another man. Killing myself over it.
Now it seems quite appealing. Poor bastard.

She keeps pointing out the things I could do to make her feel better. I would rather someone else had that job from now on.

Aaaannddd THAT's how you know you've turned the corner in healing. You just don't care anymore. You happily quit the job of "meeting their needs.".

Hallelujah!!!!!

ok4now posted 9/15/2018 18:05 PM

God I pray she is happy.

My WS is single now and he has been unreal to deal with....

He found out through the grape vine the guy I am casually dating is an attorney and that has really turned up the crazy.

I mean he caused this crap if he was faithful I would still be married.

Maybe I guess we should take a vow of celibacy.

smh

better4me posted 9/17/2018 10:21 AM

I guess we should take a vow of celibacy.
Not just no. Hell no.

Cheatee posted 9/17/2018 10:26 AM

ok4now said:

He found out through the grape vine the guy I am casually dating is an attorney and that has really turned up the crazy.

That's because he is craving any kind of interaction, preferably with you, but he'll settle for come caveman confrontation with your attorney friend.

Ignore.

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