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Newbies: Mind movies and dark thoughts - how to stop them

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minusone posted 3/21/2016 13:01 PM


minusone posted 4/3/2016 08:38 AM


heartbroken_kk posted 4/28/2016 02:58 AM

bumping for TS68

minusone posted 5/2/2016 21:24 PM


fallendown posted 5/3/2016 00:14 AM

Thanks for this great post.

To add to the discussion:

My STBXWW actually suggested this to me, she is bipolar and BPD and has had a lot of practice stuffing things up in her life. While we were trying to R from one of her affairs she told me I need to prepare other thoughts to over ride the obsessive thoughts. It has helped. I build houses, im building 3 right now and I think about each and every step required to complete them.

Someone mentioned thinking about parts of your body to divert synapse activity from the obsessive thoughts. My IC had me put an elastic band on my wrist, when i find myself obsessing I snap it hard against my wrist. The sting brings me back to the present and subconsciously diverts brain activity from my obsession to the pain in my wrist. When it stops working I change wrists.

Thanks again.

SheWiz posted 5/3/2016 01:55 AM

Wow - I've read a lot of posts on the internet about cheating and healing but this one resonated the most. Thank you! When you are walking around falling over a dog toy, or clipping the side of the garage in an emotional panic during all this, ,and almost killing people when you are in such a 'fog' of being the betrayed, this is very very good thinking. Easy for me to see now, a yr out from divorce, but wow - very powerful. The imagery is certainly what kept me going about things I had to do. Regardless of my life being nuked. It's a tough time and these are great words.

KJP711 posted 5/3/2016 12:06 PM

Thank you heartbroken!! I really need this - I am 5 mos out from Dday and solidly in R but definitely still on a rollercoaster. I'm going to try this..

SadMom75 posted 5/3/2016 14:06 PM

Thank you for this post. I'm 4 months into this mess and can tell I'm starting to feel a little more steady, but sometimes when my mind starts, that's it....

I'm teaching myself to make different homemade breads. I think that will be one of my stories. There are many steps and it helps me feel connected to my long deceased Gram who I loved with all my heart.

Thanks again!

sadbuttrying posted 5/3/2016 14:18 PM

I needed this today! I have been rereading the 180 over and over hoping it would just click. This clicks! My WH brought a stranger he had been chatting on line to our home to be with, when I see his truck leave I always picture him pulling up with her in it... every single one you described I torture myself with daily! Hourly! it is my running, how it feels, the sun on my face. Swimming with my son, him laughing and splashing me, the sound of children around me. My third one I'm gonna have to think on, even that will distract me from all my brain torture!

Thank you!

Diver89 posted 5/3/2016 16:27 PM

Thanks for the great post! I have been completely haunted by mind movies and getting fixated on the past. Thanks for the good practical advice.

minusone posted 5/11/2016 21:06 PM


minusone posted 5/26/2016 05:38 AM


minusone posted 6/3/2016 17:01 PM


hopeandhappiness posted 6/4/2016 19:25 PM

It was good to read the 3examples as my ID taught me something similar to build a house what would it look like right back to the path going up all the detail on the front door, the garden at the front the colours and types of plants. Sometimes it worked and other times that horrible torturous mind would take over and win. Another problem I couldn't cope with was the images in my mind of my WH physically with these women I was taught to put the picture in a frame change it from colour to black and white then fade the picture out then look at the furthest thing you can see for me it was a tree in the distance then push that framed fuzzy picture as far away as you can see. I guess you have to keep trying things to see what works for you. I have managed to get through this week by really focusing on the day that we are in the here and now not what's passed and not tomorrow just today.

This forum has been such a help to me to know others feel just like you and that you are not going mad and you are not weak and worthless. Someone who we trusted and never thought would deceive us has inflicted great pain.

sadbuttrying posted 6/8/2016 12:09 PM


minusone posted 6/22/2016 06:24 AM


minusone posted 7/18/2016 19:10 PM


MilesToGo posted 7/19/2016 07:14 AM

Thanks for posting this - I wasn't sure what I was looking for when I came to the forum this morning... I was distracted by constant thoughts of my WH's A, but it turns out it, I was looking for THIS. I plan to start practicing these strategies today.

Backslider posted 7/22/2016 23:30 PM

The thing that works great for me is books on tape. I always have one in my pocket and when the thoughts start going south, I turn it on quick, and it is a great distraction. I always take a book on tape to bed with me, so when I wake up at 1:00, again at 2:00, again at 3:00, I can turn on my book and listen for a few minutes and fall back asleep. I usually end up listening to the same few minutes over and over, but who cares? If I weren't doing that, I'd be awake the whole time playing mind movies, and that's no fun at all. Most libraries have a pretty good selection -- anything is worth a try if it will shut down your over-active brain for a few minutes and give you enough peace to go back to sleep.

PuckQueen posted 7/24/2016 10:04 AM

Thank you. I'm going to save this.

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