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Double Betrayal

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Lethealbegin posted 3/9/2017 16:12 PM

What?!?!?

I am so sorry your here. But you may need a new therapist.
Sorry but that is the stupidest thing I ever heard from a therapist other then how did you cause the affair!

Hug

bionicgal posted 3/14/2017 14:47 PM

It is a loss -- of a friend, and of the idea you had of your marriage.

I think after some time passes, you'll see your friend is not exactly who she seemed to be. I now see the OW in our situation very differently than I did close to dday.

Your "bff" got entangled with your husband knowingly -- even if you were separated. There are a zillion other fish in the sea -- she is a predator, pure and simple, and she disrespected you and your family.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:48 PM, March 14th (Tuesday)]

Clueless84 posted 3/16/2017 18:43 PM

Affair happened 4 years ago, but I didn't know about it until 4 weeks ago. I knew about the EA/sexting but was told he was SO sorry and absolutely no PA occurred.

My world has been rocked, turned upside down, and is in the process of closing in on me. My best friend for 10.5 yrs has watched me fall into depression & anxiety, and encouraged me to seek help to move past and towards R. Whaaaaaat in the F is that? What does that mean?

Selfish. Ego. Demanding. Lack of communication. Infidelity. Betrayal. Narcissistic.

She was my neighbor and a BF, it's despicable and mind spinning that someone so close to us can do this. She was unhappy in her marriage, but it never occurred to me that she had invaded my home.

My husband moved out today. I asked for space, I need to stop being a doormat. I need peace in my life.

Lethealbegin posted 3/17/2017 17:52 PM

I am so sorry! I understand how you are feeling. My xfriend and xneighbor did the same thing. It takes a mentally sick person to do what they did to us.

I had my husband move out for space and etc...

I can tell you someone has to move. I told my xfriend to move she said no all I did was repeat myself over and over again while walking away.
Stupid fool was so wrapped up on her social life and etc. so she would of had a difficult time

She knew without me doing anything I would make her life miserable. I always enjoyed my front porch so after this was exposed she had he betrayed husband call me and tell me that I needed to stop going on my front porch because she could never walk her dog in her front yard because I was intimidating her! 🙄😳 what?!?!? See what I mean by not doing anything. They are absolutely 🥜! I was not doing anything different then I normally did.

I know it is hard you can PM if you need to vent

Imworthit posted 4/15/2017 03:55 AM

Hi, new to this site. Comforting to know I'm not alone in this.
Wish I found this site 2 years ago. Dday for me was 10/18/14. What do you do when the man you promised forever to tells you he had an affair with your so called best friend who also happens to live directly across the street from you and whose children are best friends with yours?
At first, he admitted to flirtatious texting when the texts were discovered.. I thought that was bad enough, but in my heart I knew there was more and my heart was right. Pulling tooth and nail he finally admitted to being unfaithful. At that moment, It felt like my heart literally fell out of my chest . Instantly I had questions, of course, after i threw a few things and said horrible words I never thought I could speak.
When all was said and done, He had an affair with my best friend/neighbor for half of our marriage...in my house...in my car..on our family vacation. We did everything with this family, birthdays, holidays, Super Bowls and took vacations together. What now??
I wanted every detail, which I don't advise doing. I thought I needed to know everything but it hurt me on so many different levels and haunted me for days, months and years to come. My H wasn't very forthcoming with the details ,but her husband had no problem spilling the beans. I believe he wanted to hurt my husband by feeding me info but at the end of the day it was really me he hurt. I found out things that made me sick. I had no idea who my husband and friend were. These were not the people I knew.
Where we are today.. the OW called the cops on me because "I was harassing her" after she confronted me and told me she was my friend because she wanted my husband and I couldn't satisfy him so she did. She's lucky all I did was yell at her. My house went up for sale a month after dday because that obviously wasn't going to work. We moved to the other side of town, my kids had to switch schools, little leagues and we had to buy new cars because ours were "dirty". My days were dark and my nights were darker. Everyday was a struggle. Some days hard to get up and live. I mourned my marriage and mourned my best friend and her family. My life was forever changed and completely different. It's been two years and I can honestly say I survived this fight..we survived this fight. Hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I wouldn't wish this pain and struggle on anyone including the two people that caused this. Since we stayed in town I see the OW (my exbff) often. Back when, I would have approached her with words or a nasty look. Today, I can pass without even looking her way, which I'm sure kills her inside.
I'm getting stronger each and every day. I know this process is far from over but I'm so incredibly proud of myself in how far I've come. My mind and heart are still constantly at war and I'm always thinking, wondering if I made the right decisions.

tragicbetrayal posted 4/15/2017 06:42 AM

I am sadly a member of this club too ... within 2 months of marrying my ws she started calling him randomly, and told him she wanted to be with him ... we moved country (from the uk to Ireland) a couple weeks later, he went ahead of me to "set up for us" and stayed with her which kicked off a 2 year long ea and pa (pa started the first night he arrived) ... cue emotional abuse and torment from both and I tried to take my life twice (obviously unsuccessfully). It's been 10 years since d-day. I knew about it from day 1 (despite them denying it) and even saw them having sex once ... but they'd worn me down the point I just walked away) ... it was horrific.

vixen13 posted 4/19/2017 09:39 AM

Imworthit, my former best friend called the cops on me too because I told people what she did and she didn't want me to tell anyone. My husband and I separated after and assault and she went for him, told him we weren't friends and pretended to be my best friend all along. He found out she lied and ended it and told me what happened. She blamed everyone but herself. She also went after 3 other guys I have dated. It's mind boggling how terrible some people can be and I still can't process everything she has done. She was trying to steal my life and destroy me and took advantage of a terrible situation and played us both. Our kids were also best friends. So many relationships ruined because of her. I've seen her in public a few times and don't even aknowledge her. She's just another face in the crowd.

Crushed2017 posted 6/8/2017 18:11 PM

Double betrayal for me 😔

This was my WH and my kids nanny who I spent everyday with for 6 months and had so much fun with.
Still so new, still feel numb and so so hurt.

I'm struggling to figure out what to do. One day at a time for now.

Never felt so hurt, angry, sad, pshyco in every minute of the day.

The1stWife posted 6/20/2017 09:16 AM

My H's 4 yr EA I was aware of about 20 years ago. He denied gaslit and rug swept.

She pretended to be my friend. Wanted to meet me (to size up the competition). Hahaha. I told my H 1st time I met her to watch your back - she likes you more than a friend. She was not married.

I confronted him for years. They laughed about it behind my back.

Explosion came when she called me to ask him to be her "date" at a wedding. I did not even answer but told her "why don't you ask him" as I handed him the phone. Thein on his face getting busted was priceless.

I believe it was more than an EA but I have no proof. But if he did have a full own A she was butt ugly with mental issues and crazy personality. Once again my H was the KISA and that led to his second A a few years ago.

Momof3littles posted 6/20/2017 23:35 PM

I found out Jan 2017 my h of 8 years had an affair with my sister. We were very close, she watched my kids, I co signed her apartment, etc. My oldest and hers are only months apart in age. ( She has a 3 wk old baby now). I'm devastated on how they could do this, how they could look at me and my kids and act ok. We spoke every damn day. My heart hurts, my kids are hurt and miss them. I want to know WHY

BrokenheartedWif posted 6/21/2017 10:57 AM

(((momof3littles))

You've been heard. There will never be a good reason.

Selfishness and brokenness and entitlement and Sex Addiction are the best that I've been able to wrap my head around.,

samiamsad posted 6/28/2017 16:16 PM

Crushed2017 mine was the nanny, too. After we let her go she stayed around under the guise of a friendship and wanting to continue to see the kids. All the while, fcking my husband on his lunch breaks. It's absolute hell. I'm sorry that you're here.

Joypursuit posted 8/3/2017 03:28 AM

I unfortunately get to join this club. I am nearly 2 years out from D-day, but new to this site. I had the misfortune of walking in on my WH and a family member. Come to find out, not only did I have to face this double betrayal that involved family, but he had been unfaithful multiple times prior to this. Since D-day, things have just continued to unravel, and now my FOO is also falling apart in addition to the complications in my marriage/family and the marriage/familiy of the OW/family member. Life has been horrific for a long time.

Momof3littles-
So sorry you are going through this. It is absolutely heartbreaking to find out your spouse was unfaithful...soul crushing to discover it was someone so close to you...a family member. You are not alone. There will come a time when things will get easier, but there is a lot of mess to sort through right now, so therefore a lot of pain to work through. Make sure you get some IC!

humboldtmom posted 9/12/2017 22:55 PM

I haven't been to this site since forever so I thought I would check in. D Day is long ago...Sept 2008 then again I think in Aug 2014. XWH got together with MOW when she was going through a divorce and they just recently married (supposed to be a secret from me. Whatever.) We still coparent unfortunately. Boys 18, 17 live with me (18 yo goes off to college in a week, I have full legal and physical custody of 17 yo.) He got primary custody of 9 yo daughter but she spends most of summer with me.

Ex is a total covert narcissist and the first affair I know of was the one that rocked the foundation of my world. He had a 1.5 yr PA with my sister, who killed herself before we were able to make up. It's been 8 years since her funeral, 9 years since I found out about the affair, and 10 years since one of the cheating episodes. This month kinda sucks.

mcbagpipes posted 10/7/2017 14:40 PM

I can not begin to talk about this. I had a friend that was a couple. And then he betrayed us.

DoubleBetrayed9 posted 10/22/2017 08:24 AM

My H had a 3yr A with the wife of our closest couple friends. I walked in on them under my own roof. We all have a very tightly knit group of friends and they've complicated everything with their selfishness and lack of respect or care for anyone but themselves. This happened in the summer, so we're not far into this but my H has shown true remorse and shame, and is becoming the H I always thought I had. His actions speak louder bc I don't care for his words.
I'm here because we're coming up on affair season, I guess it's called. Everything started in the fall 3 years ago. It's the time of the year we all got together for birthdays, holidays, fall dinners, game nights, etc. Well today I'm going to one of our friend's kid's parties. I'll be attending without my H because the other BH will be there without his WW. The other BH and I decided we get to decide first if we want to attend these events, the W's shouldn't get to participate if both B's want to.
I'm incredibly annoyed that I need to attend my H's friends party alone because of his shitty decisions. I'm always facing the consequences of his actions. I miss having our friends over for dinners and such. I hate having to plan around the OW for weddings and baby showers. I hate having my friends look at me and other BH together with sympathy. I don't want sympathy or awkwardness. I hate it all.

bionicgal posted 10/22/2017 22:33 PM

I totally get it. At first, the OW wouldn't back down at all -- even seemed to ramp up relationships with friends of mine. It was nuts.

But, I'll say at 4 years out, she has faded into the background. They have found other friends, and I rarely see them anymore. I did initially tell a close friend whose invitations I was inexplicably (to her) kept declining, because AP would be there.

I tried coordinating with the OBS some at first, but that got to be too cumbersome, and really just kept the 2 families too intertwined.

DebraVation posted 10/26/2017 15:23 PM

This affects me too, we had a group of friends that would all meet up and go camping together etc. Now I can't because they won't tolerate wh or ow (out of respect for the two of us who are the bs). He has really mucked up so many aspects of my life, I think it would be simpler if I was divorced 😐

hopefulkate posted 10/26/2017 15:31 PM

Posting here. This is a stupid way for idiots to ruin the lives of so many, isn't it?

We moved. New friends...slowly, hard to trust again when one "friend" was so...mean. I feel like mean is a great word.

"You're a mean person."

I have NEVER been called that. Bitch? Sure! I am fiesty! But mean? Never. And she is. She always has been, and much to her kids' therapy bills in the future, appears to be on the path of always will be.

Sucks. That's all. Take care all. We are awesome. Remember that!

ReliantRobin posted 10/27/2017 12:13 PM

Any advice on how to talk to (younger) kids about the breakdown in relationships a double betrayal causes?

The ap in my case was close to my family as were her kids. I have no idea how to explain to my kids that they have lost their friends. There is is too great a physical distance for them to be able to continue their friendship without parental involvement.

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