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Things that every WS needs to know

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MareP posted 4/1/2019 22:04 PM

Thanks for re-posting. We are slightly over 14 months after DD. My BS sent this to me early on, and when I first read it I did not understand how accurate your description of the unbelievable pain and suffering caused by my affair. Now I understand it much better, and regret my selfishness and insensitivity in not doing so earlier.

It’s an ordeal for you to witness their tortured, depressed and angry states, and what’s worse you don’t know what to do. You’re not alone. Unfaithful spouses never dream they’ll get busted, so when confronted with their adultery they’re always caught by surprise first by their partners’ knowledge, then by their intense agony. Indeed, unfaithful partners never think about what they’ll face “after” until after. The fact is: Though they inflict it, adulterers are unprepared for the onslaught of their spouses’ overwhelming emotional distress.

The above really resonated with me. I never dreamed I would be caught, and especially did not think the AP would be the one to disclose the affair. I never truly considered the harm my actions and deceit caused, even if the BS never discovered the truth. What I most deal with is my lack of morals and ethics that were always so evident by my behavior, but which I never addressed because of my own selfishness and sense of privilege. My BS now has to endure the pain of betrayal due to my actions, and for which there is no one else to blame.

The pain and suffering are almost constant. Even during what most would describe as a good time I see expressions that tells me something is triggering thoughts of the affair and my betrayal. It permeates our life, surrounds us, and never goes away. While I understand I must accept my actions, and their horrid consequences, I will never forgive myself for my actions and the harm they caused.

Barregirl posted 4/6/2019 06:01 AM

Bump

EvolvingSoul posted 4/11/2019 20:24 PM

Bumped for hopingforpeace19.

EvolvingSoul posted 4/17/2019 23:14 PM

Bumped for Change4thebetter.

EvolvingSoul posted 4/29/2019 21:32 PM

Bump.

PurpleHaze posted 5/5/2019 17:48 PM

bump

EvolvingSoul posted 5/8/2019 16:17 PM

Bumped for Firework.

sisoon posted 6/1/2019 09:18 AM

bump

Unhinged posted 6/1/2019 15:09 PM

Why is this thread NOT pinned?

EvolvingSoul posted 6/8/2019 12:54 PM

Bumping for the good of the world.

EvolvingSoul posted 6/18/2019 23:43 PM

Bumped for Lostone29.

whatisloveanyway posted 6/26/2019 08:03 AM

I've read this several times and keep coming back to it. Time to have my WH read it, I think he might be ready to receive the message. Thank you.

burninghouse posted 6/26/2019 10:47 AM

Thank you for re-posting. I'm going to print this out to give to my counselor. I hope every BS and WS reads it. Although I am not in R, this is incredibly validating. It so accurately articulates in depth (and breadth) much of what a BS goes through. It's very helpful.

EvolvingSoul posted 7/10/2019 20:18 PM

Bump.

sassylee posted 7/24/2019 21:55 PM

Bump!

Fixingmyself posted 7/26/2019 13:15 PM

Thank you so much for all the contributors in this thread.....

This and one or two other threads have helped me realise the extent of pain my decisions have caused those around me.

I read this almost daily to remind myself what my BS is going through

PurpleHaze posted 7/27/2019 15:23 PM

Bump again, this is an amazing read!!!~

gmc94 posted 8/2/2019 12:45 PM

Bumped for LifeDestroyer

sisoon posted 8/12/2019 11:02 AM

bump

20yrsagoBS posted 8/13/2019 19:05 PM

Bumping to keep near the top

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