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Emotional Affairs

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BrainFreeze posted 10/29/2018 11:18 AM

How long does it usually take before the wh is completely honest?

My wife would never have come clean except that I forced the issue by heading to the lawyer, and walking away. Which is why I still have doubts I guess. She has admitted to me that she had planned to take the memory of her kiss to the grave with her.

Other's have had different experience, with the wayward coming clean on their own accord.

I may be wrong, but I think that those doubts (do I have the whole story) will always be there. This is going to sound crazy, but I feel as if my wife is completely honest with me. She has told me things that I never would have found out, things I didn't know. But I still doubt her. Maybe in time, as my healing continues that will change... but I don't (can't??) see those doubts going away any time soon.

I know I did some double speak there... and no.. I'm not a politician... just a guy going through a bat shit crazy event..

Jenna2 posted 10/31/2018 11:21 AM

Sadismynewname, I'm so sorry to hear about your story. After 35 years! Is your H willing to end the contact with the Vietnamese girl? Did you ask him what he thinks their relationship is going?

Butforthegrace, my H strongly maintains that the OW is merely a good friend. For sure after 10 years how can she not be?! I do agree with you about the intention of the OW. He regrets that he demanded a private photo and she compiled. He was caught off guard when I asked if he ever saw her naked. After that, he would only answer questions in writing because he would have time to think about the answer. That is probably another reason why he doesn't want to discuss the affair. He doesn't want to give a wrong answer that will come back to haunt him.

Here's the update: I had my surgery done early this month and am depending on H a lot because I am immobile for a while. He is extremely attentive and treating me like a queen! Nothing to complain about. Only that I cannot bring up the affair because to him it was never an affair. He said he made a mistake of keeping a secret friendship. He is extremely sorry to have caused so much pain to me. That's all.

He said when we talked about the affair that brought me right in the rabbit hole. He was also affected as he tried to put the whole thing behind him. It doesn't help if I bring it up often. He is trying to deal with the temptation and his addiction. He is getting better and rarely thinks about the site and the women. He has deleted all the accounts when I caught him in March and have been in NC since. However he said he would not be surprised that this 40+ year old virgin will contact him sometime in the future. It might be Christmas. He promised to forward the message to me and I can then tell him how to respond or not respond at all.

I think I will give him another chance. Honestly, he is a great guy in all aspects other than this flaw and stupidity that lasted so long.

[This message edited by Jenna2 at 11:35 AM, October 31st (Wednesday)]

layla1234 posted 11/15/2018 16:58 PM

Ughhh, I struggle with this so much. My husband swears he was never physical, but it just doesn't make sense. All the red flags are there. New moves in the bedroom, fooling around in his car which we never did before. How do you figure out if it was a PA?

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