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Emotional Affairs

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NikkiK posted 1/9/2016 01:54 AM

Hi all... new to this thread. My soon to be ex husband had an EA for 2 years with some woman he met on an Internet game (so mature, both of them).... called it a "friendship" when he finally told me about it, but it went much deeper than that....

Anyhow I am just curious because someone said something to me recently that really upset me snd it wasn't the first time I've heard it. She said to me it was "only emotional" and didn't understand how I could divorce him over it. The A is not the only reason I decided on divorce- marriage had issues, he has issues and he is unremorseful and unwilling to do what he needs to do to R. Even so, her saying that.... just hurt. Like I'm not supposed to be as devastated as someone who's been physically cheated on? I consider this worse in many ways! A one night stand or something, you could possibly say was a mistake (but of course it's still devastating! There shouldn't be any comparing when it comes to this!) But a 2 year long, intimate relationship where they shared details of their private lives, our marriage, things that he should have been sharing with me and not her.. not to mention how emotionally invested he became in this "friend." So much that he couldn't give her up for our marriage (but he claims to still love me.... right!) And defends her endlessly if I dare be the least bit critical. I still call that a whore... excuse my language. He talked to her more than he talked to me. How can that not be bad?

I'm sorry for the rant but it just really irks me when people make insensitive comments like that. I bet if it happened to her she'd feel differently. Has this ever happened to you all? Do you feel like an EA is "less" or more severe than a PA? I feel like it shouldn't really matter. Either way, you are betrayed and your entire life is changed forever.

Anyhow I will be keeping an eye on this thread. I noticed it awhile back but wasn't sure if it was ok to just post about anything or not. I decided why not just go for it. I have a long way to go before I recover from this. I want to move on but I really have benefited from the support I've found here on SI so far!

LadyBluebell posted 1/11/2016 07:50 AM

Nikki, I can only speak for myself, but I'm almost a year out from discovering my husband's EA and I often wish he'd just fucked her and gotten it over with. My entire sense of safety and self esteem has been destroyed. Every time I feel like I fall short in some measure, as a wife, a mother, a person, I think about the way he chose her, idolized her. She was perfect and artistic and enlightened and extraordinaryin his mind, and I was a regular old human with flaws.

NikkiK posted 1/12/2016 22:19 PM

LadyBlue,

I feel very much the same way! It's kind of ridiculous how they hold them on this pedastal... I told him at one point if you were actually with her, living with her etc.... nothing would be as you imagined. You presented your best selves to each other, shared only what you wanted. Of course they seem perfect. It's a fantasy!

It seems that my husband has had some epiphany and is now showing some actual remorse and making efforts to change.... but even if he continues and follows through I think I am terrified to ever try again with him. I couldn't possibly live up to those expectations. There is no mystery. I am flawed. But her, she was perfect. What if he craves that perfection again?

I think the hardest part, at least for me, is how this has affected the way I see myself. It makes you feel like you're so disposable and worthless!

LadyBluebell posted 1/14/2016 06:00 AM

Yep, that is one of the main things I'm working on in therapy. If you click my profile, it's at the bottom of "my story". The idea that he picked someone other than me to confide in. He hasn't spoke to her in nine months, and I still imagine he prefers her to me. I'm still haunted by the hundreds and hundreds of pages of emails they sent to each other. I want to try again and love him, and I think it can still be good, but it will never be the same. It will have to be something different and good.

ruralnurse posted 1/16/2016 15:52 PM

A little background. Married @ the time of the EA, 30 yrs. together 34. Easy. good, years because I made them that way. Everything revolved around H. His work schedule, his preferences etc. He always did things with his friends, Canada fishing, hunting cabins, working on cars, sporting events, etc. He never included our son as that might interfere with his fun and his drinking with his buds. Selfish to the core. Ok, so I raised our son. H was generous and allowed us to travel and pretty much do what we wanted as long as it didn't interfere with what he wanted to do. His life, my life, our life. His best friend, and I mean best friend was married 17 years. H would come home after visiting, (every week or so) and say all they did was fight and how his bud treated her so badly. Both were drinkers, her more then him. Flash forward. She left him and he was devastated. H helped him through it and had nothing good to say about her. I knew her from social gatherings but since I chose not to drink not well. At the end of May 2015 we ran into her where she is a server. She came over to our table and talked to us for about 10 minutes. We own a cabin and she mentioned she would like to see it. No red flags. A month later H came home and told me he had run into her at the gas station she lives next to and she invited him in to see her place. made it sound like he was there 5 minutes when actually he was there 2 hours, had a few beers. (TT) Again no red flags until he said she mentioned going to the cabin again. First tingle of the spidey senses. I didn't answer. I realize now he wanted my permission to take her there. The next day he friended her on face book and I knew this wasn't going to end well. For the next 12 days I just quietly waited and watched. It escalated with him pursuing her fast and furious. He became pretty slick at covering his tracks fast, deleting the conversations, changing notification settings so they didn't come to our email. Talking to her from his workplace. I felt like an actress in a bad B movie. It was surreal. He was clueless that I knew and had read messages. He was so confident that he messaged her from the cabin on the 4th of July. Mundane stuff, how was your 4th etc. Mind you, he still acted toward me like he always had. Telling me he loved me, affectionate, doing things together. He noticed I was quiet, withdrawn. I wasn't sleeping, eating felt like shit. Funny how my coworkers saw the physical changes but he didn't. On our way home on the 5th he was actually messaging her with me driving. On the 8th I got up for work(I'm a nurse @ a prison and work nights) he was on his laptop. Every night he would have my coffee ready. Not this night. I knew what he was doing in front of me and I was sick. I came into the room he literally ignored me. Where he sits I can't see his screen. He was drunk and said he was going bed. He shut down the computer but forgot about his phone. That last message came through from her and BINGO. There it was. Oh woe is me. I can't meet anyone, him, If I were a single man. I can't keep anyone, his response I'm a Keeper. You'd leave me too, No never I love you. I want to see you again, I'd like that, him, me too. This is where he went to bed. Her last response, you make me feel good about the chose I made.(Divorcing his best friend) I was shaking so bad, my head was spinning. I decided not to confront him then I needed time to process what I read. Took screen shots and went to work. The next morning all hell broke loose. I'll spare you the details. I told him to lawyer up. We were so close to having everything we dreamed of and earned all these years. I packed my things and left. He was devastated. He blocked her on FB before I was out of the driveway. (I didn't ask him to) I told him to go to her. He said he surrendered the minute I confronted him. He said he sat there for 4 hours frozen thinking WTF did I do. He was having panic attacks and almost passing out. On day 4 he called me and asked to talk. I went home the next day. Once the shock wore off I was broken. I hurt in places I didn't know existed. I went to a very dark place. I went to IC and we had 2 MC's. TT is an understatement. He had seen her once on July 6th for an hour before he went to work. Was disappointed nothing happened, just talked mostly about her ex. He cushioned all his lies with half truths. I'm still on the fence and this frightens him and me as well. The disrespect is the thing I can't get over. He's done everything right. Remorse, guilt, shame. Acknowledges my pain and stays no matter what I throw at him He wants us and our life back. We went to the cabin for New Years. He asked me if I really loved him I told him yes, cautiously. I told him I don't feel the same, I don't look at him the same, I don't trust him. Our marriage as we knew it is dead. I'm trying to adjust to the new normal and I still resent that I have to. He thanked me for forgiving him. I'm not all the way there yet. He's finally admitting this was a choice. It was always IDK, IDK why I did it. He wanted to feel needed. (KISA) Gee, silly me, all these years I thought he wanted a strong, independent women who walked beside him, shared the financial burden, had his back, raised his son. I wouldn't have a drink with him. How lame is that? He feels it was an infatuation and I wasn't even in the equation. When he left her place that first visit his only thought was, I could do her. He never thought of leaving me or losing me. 6 months out and I finally feel in control again. I've found myself. I've taken greater care with my appearance and feel and look great. Reconnected with friends, going out for dinner, shopping with them again. It's not all about him anymore. And all he can do is it back and watch. Frankly, I don't give a dam anymore. This is about me, my power, my self worth, my resilience. I promised my therapist I would give it a year. The kicker here is that he's still best friends with her ex who is clueless. He begged me not to tell him. How he can look him in the eye is beyond me. He mentioned inviting him and his new GF to the cabin. My response, don't think you want me around him with a few hard ciders in me. End of conversation. Thanks for listening. Longer then I anticipated.

Valentinessucks posted 1/17/2016 13:31 PM

It is interesting how people can minimize an EA.

My mom and brothers have been quick to forgive my husband (he truly is doing the work). If he had had a full on physical relationship, they'd have blown their stacks and forgiveness would probably still be forthcoming.

You know what? Betrayal is betrayal. Lying, withholding, carrying on in inappropriate behavior, it's all devastating.

anne216 posted 1/17/2016 20:55 PM

Hello, so nice to have a place to come to. I have not told you my story, yet. I'm alone with all of this and afraid to let it out. WH had an EA. I'm getting stronger reading your story's and the lovely empathic advice. No judgement. Love it here. You are my comfort. Seriously, haven't told a soul and don't understand why.

Valentinessucks posted 1/17/2016 21:05 PM

You can tell us when you are ready.
In the meantime, keep reading.

Sending you strength.

MellowYellow posted 1/20/2016 11:55 AM

One of the initial hard things is my WH didn't think EA was big deal. (I didn't kiss anyone ). He didn't see why I was upset.
They never got past like high school chatter when I discovered ( the most x rated I found was about wearing a towel )but it Ws an EA. And I think they might of gone worse (they had just started the towel shit)

And while working R I can feel the same coming for him.
Sometimes I feel he doesn't think he needs to work because you know. I over reacted.

I think that is why EAs are hard. There wasn't a physical line crossed..

YoGabbaGabba posted 1/21/2016 18:42 PM

Here's my story.

Last summer my WW got addicted to playing a mobile online game that has a very heavy social component to it. As she dove deeper into this game, playing every evening, I would notice her giggling at conversations, all the while completely ignoring me when I wanted time with her.

Towards the end of September, she tells me that she is "no longer happy", and feels that we are more friends than lovers. I agreed that things had got a bit stagnant, but I figured that had a lot to do with having two young daughters, along with being together for 18+ years. I proposed we head to MC, and she reluctantly agreed.

A couple weeks later, I find a expedited passport receipt on the front seat of our car. Under it, a pair of passport applications for children. I immediately confronted her, asking if she was planning on going somewhere out of the country, and did she intend to take our girls?

Her: "There's a friend in our alliance that is moving to Europe, and he invited us out."

Me: "Us? So I can come too?"

Her: "Well, no, we can't afford for you to go...."

At this point I began to get really suspicious, so I asked if she is having, or intending to have an affair.

"No way," she promised.

A few days later, while she is at work (she works nights), I log into her iCloud account, and find picture after picture of her half naked. I find photos of some guy. I find screen captures of in game conversations between her and this guy where she basically said that she wants him, and cannot wait to meet him in England. The guy was reluctant, knowing that she had a family, but she basically said, "don't you think that I know what is at stake?"

I lost my shit. I began to forward her the images I found via text while she was at work. I raged on about how she destroyed our family and marriage. I started texting numbers of people in her game alliance, asking if they knew who this guy was (he was in their alliance as well). I joined the game *just* to contact this guy and tell him that I know, and how he was part of destroying our family.

From all this, the guy backs out of their relationship. I proceed to watch my WW cry for the next two weeks over her loss. Wonderful. Around this time we begin MC, and she basically declares that she doesn't believe any of this works, and is thinking about filing for D. While in MC I begin to try and fix everything, believing that all this was my fault. I was desperate.

After about of month of MC, she is adamant about getting a D, and has the paper work filled out, and even consults with an attorney. I'm a mess at this point. Fortunately, I began to take anti depressants, exercise, and find my own personal therapist. Things slowly get less shitty.

Christmas time comes around, and suddenly, she is interested in giving me another chance, as long as I do some specific things. She didn't like that I would drink (although she arguably drinks more than I do), so I stopped. She wanted me to take more initiative with planning nights out. Throughout this time she still is rather distant and cold with me. She recognizes that I had done nearly everything she had asked of me, but explained that "I'm just not in love with you. I cannot turn it on like a light switch."

It all came to a head on Christmas evening. I got home and sat on the computer. She immediately got her ipad and phone out to start playing the game. Now, what I did next could be considered unethical, but is not illegal. I work in IT, and so I know a thing or two about intercepting conversations. In this case, the in game chat from her game was being transmitted in plain text over our wifi......so I read it. On Christmas evening, she had a private conversation with some other alliance member, asking about how her xmas was. She explained that my gifts were fairly unimpressive, and that at least her parents got her some cool stuff."

Being a bit deviant, I immediately texted her: "Hey, how did you like the gifts I got you? I got the vibe that you were disappointed".

Her response: "No, I loved them!"

Minutes later, our youngest wakes up crying, so we converge to tend to her. After that, she gives me a big hug. We go back to our rooms (at this point I had moved into the spare bedroom). She continues to chat. I continue to snoop.

Her: "My husband just asked about my gifts."
Other person in game: "Wow. Did you tell him the truth?"
Her: "No! I'm not in love with him anymore, but I don't despise him."

For whatever reason, that one little exchange made me realize that she was never going to be serious about R, and that she was an addict. What I haven't mentioned is how frequently she plays this game. When I say morning, noon, and night, I mean it. She will wake up in the wee morning hours to login and play. There is a small group of these players that I noted are always on, and she told me they are considered some of her closest friends.

Eventually she realized that I was snooping on her conversations when I asked her if she got her internet boyfriend a christmas gift, as I saw her privately talking about it with him in chat. From there we fight, and we both come to the conclusion that it's over.

Now there is much more I could elaborate on, but you get the picture. She met a guy in this game last summer, began an EA, and made plans to visit him in January that I foiled. The way they talk to each other in this game is *very* sexual. The way she talks about me to everyone in that game is degrading and disrespectful. The decisions she had to make all along to walk away from our marriage for people on the internet, along with knowingly jeopardizing the emotional stability of my daughters just solidified things for me. She was no longer the woman I fell in love with. She was now a horrible monster.

We now make plans around our D, and have had conversations about custody and splitting our debts and assets. She has some unrealistic ideas about what I should be doing that would effectively bankrupt me, but I know enough that I don't have to agree to anything.

I now await notification of the D from her attorney.

That's my story. Thanks for reading this far.

Valentinessucks posted 1/22/2016 07:27 AM

YoGG, I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

You know the drill from reading all of our stories.

I just want to make sure you keep possession of your kids passports. That really jumped out at me from your post. Stranger things have happened. The fact that she was contemplating taking them out if the country without consulting you; even about applying for the passports without your knowledge is scary to me.

Take care if yourself. You know you did nothing to deserve this. Your wife has seriously gone off the rails.

Sending you strength

YoGabbaGabba posted 1/22/2016 17:10 PM

Valentine,

I just want to make sure you keep possession of your kids passports. That really jumped out at me from your post. Stranger things have happened. The fact that she was contemplating taking them out if the country without consulting you; even about applying for the passports without your knowledge is scary to me.

Oh, you bet. The evening that I discovered the applications, I began to research the process. It turns out that

1) She would require my signature in order to get them these passports.

2) If they had passports, she would have to get my "okay" before she could take them out of the country.

...as you could imagine, I wasn't about to give that to her. In later conversations about this, she alluded to the fact that she was aware this would have required my participation in the process.

That was simply not going to happen.


Take care if yourself. You know you did nothing to deserve this. Your wife has seriously gone off the rails.

Sending you strength

Thanks. The sad thing is that she hasn't stopped or slowed down her addiction to this game. It really is her support circle. As for me, I'm actually doing quite well with it now. I was a mess, of course, when the news was dropped on me, but I have learned to move past it.

Again, thanks for your kind words. This community is amazing.

Shatteredhearts posted 1/26/2016 12:14 PM

I'm also in the club of EAs. WH is still working for the same company as her, but after his NC email she sent it to HR and they aren't to work together until the matter is resolved. He has warned me if she is working that day and his plans to avoid her. If she will be heard or seen via video he gets up and walks out of the room.

His IC and he have been working together and he knows it probably would have turned into a PA if they ever actually met. He's given me all access to email and SM and is looking for another job. I've blocked her number through Sprint and monitor the bill for any suspicious numbers.

I just want the physical and emotional symptoms to go away for at least a few minutes so I can have some peace. Now that WH is out of the fog he's feeling the same overwhelming chest pain and stomach cramps when he hears her name at work. He's been calling me when he's feeling upset and reassuring me about avoiding her.

Gumdropped posted 1/28/2016 19:55 PM

I apologize in advance for my rant. Myself and WH have both been very ill this week. While I was sitting with him over the last two days for over a total of 9 hours in the hospital it kept coming back to me that after the horrific discovery of his more than 16 months of EA's ( and getting caught twice) that here I was the dutiful spouse sitting with him while he's writhing in pain. I kind if had a disconnect for a while. Mean thoughts that I should e mail a few of those women and ask them to come and pour over him in his sorry state. I gave everything I had to him those 16 months and I got the shit sandwich. Ok, all done, rant over

Conflicted514 posted 1/29/2016 12:01 PM

New to this thread and wish I was not able to post this. My H has had an EA with the girl he liked in Kindergarten. They reconnected on Facebook 7 years ago. All was just fine until June. In May, H father died and his elderly relative moved in with us. I became caregiver. I complained. In June, H talked to Ow about her future and plans. She lives in a different state, but was looking to move here. H mentioned how unhappy I was being a caregiver and saw Ow as solution to my problem. Ow could move here and help out. In July, H saw Ow with his aunt and Ow was crying and upset. H felt Ow was placed upon H heart to help. Went back and saw Ow next night with her friend there. After that H texted and talked to Ow. I knew something was wrong and pressed it. Finally admits to feelings, but keeps backtracking to just friends or one of H best friends. Since then I have heard they are as one, Ow is soul mate, Ow on pedestal, had future thoughts of working alongside Ow and being close, etc. H has lied first that there was nothing wasn't telling me- there was in June H said they talked about how each has a special place in other hearts, then over communicating and last night that H told Ow in June he loved her and she said I love u too. H has thought of Ow in way I wish H would treat me. I am so angry and hurt. I hate the lies and don't know if anything is true anymore. Why do they think as long as it isn't physical and they stay with spouse, that it is no big deal? Dont want any favors or consolation prizes.

lizgwvet posted 2/5/2016 11:40 AM

Background: husband had affair in 2007, I forgave him, we had counselling and he promised never to do that again.
In 2015, he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore, my immediate question, what is her name?
He denied it all, then the trickle truth started coming in, Credit card bills for crazy stuff, clothes, meals, purses, etc.
Then I found he had signed a lease for a house several miles away. Turns out 34 year old who works with him had promised him the moon and back. He claims it was an EA.
All done with this nonsense, in total he spent at least 20k on her.
Served him divorce papers at work in June, divorced in October after 29+ years of marriage.
OW dropped him after the money ran out.

Svina posted 2/5/2016 12:09 PM

I am part of the EA club. Well an emotional affair along with naked pictures!! But only because the last girl lived too far away that there was no way of meeting up with her without me knowing.

I wonder if I would feel better if he just met some random girl one night, had sex and never saw her again. Because I know he had this connection with this other person, talking to her all day long at work, coming home hoping on his computer to talk to her some more. Ignoring me unless he's asking me to go cook him something to eat. All the while telling her horrible things about me, all the things he hated about me to her. Great to know I have such a loving and caring husband.

Shatteredhearts posted 2/11/2016 13:16 PM

Svina hugs to you in this awful time. I know I've had that same feeling of wishing it was just physical instead of emotional. Certain words or expressions become such triggers if he said those things to OW.

How has he been since DDay?

WarriorPrincess posted 2/14/2016 13:26 PM

I am here in the same boat with all the rest of us, but in a little different space, too. Like Some others here, my WH met the whore in an internet game that he and I both played. I knew her and knew all about her and their "friendship" from the beginning. At first there didn't seem to be anything remarkable about it. We were all friends, but she was more his friend than mine. It was apparent that she had a crush on WH, but we thought it was funny. Pretty quick, she moved their friendship beyond the game to Facebook (didn't invite me, though!) and started telling WH all her personal problems. Boo-hoo-hoo. She and I actually have quite a bit in common on the surface, including a history of sexual abuse. WH asked if he could share some of my story and recovery with her, apparently as inspiration or a good example, as someone who has climbed out of the incest rut and built a good life. I thought, sure. I have nothing to hide and if my story can help someone else, so much the better.

About the time they took their "friendship" onto Facebook (and I know this was her idea because WS is almost a complete technophobe and would never think of it) she also started telling him all her sad tales of woe: Lost custody of her children, incapable of sex with husband, last child was product of rape by husband, husband undoubtedly getting sex on the side, suicidal, she's a "cutter," husband is fed up with her antics and would have her committed to a mental hospital in a heartbeat..... Worse than a soap opera. And she was also telling him stories about all the gory details of her apparently consensual incestuous relationship with her father. I used to do phone sex and some of the stories WS said she told him sounded just like fantastical crap I used to tell some of my creepiest customers. (Barf and double-barf-barf )


Around the middle of June (maybe Fathers Day, I'm not exactly sure) she IM'd WS telling him her son was running a high fever and because she lives in a country with rationed health care, she could not take him into the emergency room. I have no idea if that is true or not. (Anybody who understands Swedish health care, please PM me!!! I have a ton of questions.) WS and I are both EMT's (a basic level of Paramedic) so it would seem natural she would ask for advice. WS and his partner gave her all the advice they could think of, and of course any advice they could give was complicated by the necessity of converting between Celsius and Fahrenheit measurements. Apparently it was pretty intense, but after a few hours the fever broke and the boy began to recover. Fantastic, right? Professionally, I am still very proud of him for that. A high fever in a child of that age can lead to brain damage after a very short time, and I have no doubt that WS's efforts helped save him. A good save is a good save...and I was (and still am) very happy for him.

But this is where things start to get weird.
Not long after he helped her with the boy, maybe a week or so, she was whining to him about her relationship problems and asked him to ask me some question or other about what it was like to have a relationship after incest (come to think of it, wouldn't she know? Why ask?). I didnt understand the question, and asked to see his phone so I could read it. I scrolled back a little so I could get the context and then I saw it:

"Don't worry. I'm here to save you."

Now you have to understand something about WS and me...we have known each other since high school. We were always best friends, and he saved me from self-destruction many times before we married after almost 20 years of friendship. (I didn't know it until much later, but not long after we met he told his mother he was going to marry me some day. He carried the torch for me through both of our first marriages.) He has always been MY knight in shining armor, the only one who could talk me down when I was furious, the only one who could reach me when I was hurting. He stood up in my first wedding and stood by me as I watched my second fiance dying of cancer. After the funeral he helped me pick up the pieces of me and put them back together. Ive since rebuilt my life, but I have always felt that he is the foundation on which everything else is built. So his being there to save and protect me is a huge part of who we are together.

I had always believed I was the ONLY one he felt inclined to save and protect.

Well, you can guess what all hit the fan. I was furious, heartbroken, betrayed. I wanted him to end the friendship right then. Of course he wouldn't. The more I cried, screamed, begged, and pleaded, the more he dug in his heels. He started saying the most heartbreaking and unforgettable things:

He could not live without her
Losing her would destroy him
She was part of his best self
She gave his life meaning

And I thought "daggers through the heart" was just a cliche.

At some point, I started trying to make deals. I wanted to believe it was "just" a friendship. I set "boundaries" to keep it contained. He didn't honor most of them. He still talked about me behind my back, still told her "I'll save you" and "I'll protect you" and "I'll take your pain away."

Fucking asshole, what about me? Remember me? *I** am the one you vowed to save and protect and shield from pain! Whats even worse? Part of the "boundaries" was that I would be allowed to read everything they wrote to each other. So he did all this stuff knowing full well that I would read it. WTF???

Little by little, she encroached on my life. Remember, *I* used to be the friend he wanted to save, who he was secretly in love with. Now here was history repeating itself. She was the one he wanted to protect (at my expense). She was the one he couldn't live without, who gave his life meaning. She was sending him love songs on Spotify: she sent him "God gave me You" and he was so happy about that he told me about it. I felt like he was letting her replace me as the one God meant for him to be with. She actually had the gall to suggest he leave me.
Things went downhill from there. I was drunk whenever I wasn't working. I wasn't sleeping. I made a mistake at work that got me suspended. I spent thousands of dollars at the salon and the day spa trying to feel better about myself. I spent thousands more dollars on extravagant gifts and weekend outings for him, trying to win him back.

For his part, he was actually super-attentive, at least as attentive as he could be with a crazy woman for a wife. We did a lot of fun things and even got tattoos together. And the sex...WOW! But all the time, I really felt this attention was about her, or trying to get me to accept her.

I started breaking down. We had knock-down-drag-out fights that resulted in our expulsion from restaurants and huge places where I kicked in our drywall (sometimes with bare feet--ouch!)I was either screaming or crying constantly. I made suicidal gestures twice. He kept telling me she needed him because she was so mentally ill and "crazy." So I thought, if crazy is what turns you on, crazy is what you are going to get.

I finally dragged him to MC at some point during the summer. I think he was finally willing to go because he thought the therapist would make me see that this "friendship" was really OK. Toward the end of August I had a HUGE meltdown in the therapists office. I got him to agree to NC for a 6 month period.


You are going to think this is bizarre, but it took him months to understand that this is not appropriate behavior for a married man to show toward another woman. Really. He really didn't get that when he said "I can't live without her" what I heard was, "You are giving her my place in your life."

***********

I have been writing for quite some time now and I need to go attend to other parts of my life. I will add more to this later.

Fireball72 posted 2/19/2016 16:45 PM

Unfortunately, I belong here too. 9 days into discovery. Still a mess. This is my second go-round with infidelity, sadly - I divorced the first WH in 2007.

WH #2 had a 5-month EA with a coworker. Also shared a kiss, so technically a PA as well.

He's also addicted to computer games, though hasn't met anyone from them. (Do we hear the unspoken "yet", boys and girls? I knew you did!)

Right now we're in limbo, though he said he wants R and we have an MC appointment next week. IC for me on Sunday.

I'm a mess. Can't eat, can't focus, stomach hurting all the time. I have no one to talk to.

I appreciate everyone here. Somehow reading these stories makes me feel less alone.

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