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Agnostic/Atheist Support Group

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SisterMilkshake posted 2/15/2015 09:27 AM

Hi, phmh, welcome to this thread.

Not sure I could be part of a successful atheist/believer relationship, and there aren't that many atheists out there.
I think many atheists are closeted. I don't know if an atheist/believer relationship could or couldn't work. I think it probably depends on the people and if they are militant in their beliefs or lack thereof.

There were two very prominent political people. They both worked for different political parties, very high profile, they worked for the President (not at the same time) and they were happily married. I feel that gives one hope that one can be married to someone with opposite beliefs and have it be successful and happy.

healingroad posted 2/15/2015 17:00 PM

I believe mine could have worked but more things in the rest of the relationship would have had to go right. There were so many other stresses (plus infidelity) that the M collapsed.

Also, it's not just the "believe or not" aspect. Theists often have other beliefs or thought processes that differ from those of atheists and those also can cause stresses.

But if the planets align, I do believe that these relationships can work. Worth the risk? Not sure.

sadone29 posted 2/26/2015 10:52 AM

I agree mhca. I'm sure a few of these Ms work, but I don't think it happens often. And throw infidelity into the mix? Yeah...

I might have put up with the bs IF H had converted (from being an atheist) without the infidelity, but honestly, as more time goes on, I highly doubt we could have made it work under 'normal' circumstances.

He's so entrenched in his religious 12 step groups. Yesterday, he handed our only bank card to his sponsor because he can't control his spending. This was without even warning me about it until I asked him to pick something up on his way home. So I have to go get a new card today. The good news is that I am becoming a slightly less financial prisoner. But until then, no one in our actual family has any access to our funds. I'm shaking my head at the stupidity.

And last night, he tried to defend how sexaholics anonymous only allows sex between a married man and women (two married men or women? Nope, you'll never have sex in your lifetime). I'm not sure why he even brings this up, since he knows I don't agree (and he used to question it when he first joined the group). I kept quiet since I'm trying to keep things sane as we navigate in house S. But sometimes.....

He has completely handed his life over to Jesus and his sponsor. I'm not sure how any thinking rational person can be married to someone like this.

[This message edited by sadone29 at 10:53 AM, February 26th (Thursday)]

StillGoing posted 3/2/2015 21:36 PM

He's so entrenched in his religious 12 step groups. Yesterday, he handed our only bank card to his sponsor because he can't control his spending. This was without even warning me about it until I asked him to pick something up on his way home. So I have to go get a new card today. The good news is that I am becoming a slightly less financial prisoner. But until then, no one in our actual family has any access to our funds. I'm shaking my head at the stupidity.

Why... didn't he.. but.. give it to you? Divide by stupid, redo from start.

Ascendant posted 3/2/2015 21:52 PM

Why... didn't he.. but.. give it to you? Divide by stupid, redo from start

Listen, some people (both religious and otherwise) have an absolute NEED to turn over control of the steering wheel to someone else, you know? Maybe it's a sponsor, maybe it's a pastor,maybe it's a coach, maybe it's me riding that dog-dragon thing from the Neverending Story....some people will never trust themselves with the car keys.

StillGoing posted 3/2/2015 22:46 PM

Nonono, I get that. I don't get giving it away to some stranger instead of, I dunno, your wife. The person who shares your finances and shit. Sponsor or not, the man gave away his bank card to somebody he meets once or twice a week for an hour. That's not about control, that's about Why We Still Have People Opening Executable Attachments From Stangers In Email.

Jrazz posted 3/2/2015 22:52 PM

But I may have already won a mill!on d0llars!?

Ascendant posted 3/2/2015 23:10 PM

It says that it's detected a virus in my system.

So, you're saying that I *shouldn't* click it.

ETA: Because I can.

[This message edited by Ascendant at 11:11 PM, March 2nd (Monday)]

sadone29 posted 3/3/2015 13:42 PM

lol, exactly StillGoing. Although, I guess they aren't strangers anymore. Right before I decided to S, I told him he was more married to his sponsor than to me. They speak every morning, work together at church, etc.

On top of that, he wants me to R, when he needs help from a whole team just so he won't cheat. And he now he flips coins to make decisions, and believes it's from god.

UMMMMM, NO. I've had enough crazy for a life time, thanks.

Jrazz posted 3/3/2015 13:45 PM

And he now he flips coins to make decisions, and believes it's from god.

I don't think I've seen anyone run screaming from accountability more than this.

Ascendant posted 3/3/2015 13:53 PM

It wasn't me! It was the coin! The cooooiiiiiinnnnn...!!!

What is he, Two-Face?

StillGoing posted 3/3/2015 14:37 PM

UMMMMM, NO. I've had enough crazy for a life time, thanks.

I tried to find an appropriate pic for this and failed. Some of the safer rejects, however:


sadone29 posted 3/4/2015 07:56 AM

Those work, StillGoing!

He would argue that this is taking accountability. I've tried talking to him, but I can't anymore. There's no common ground. Maybe one day he'll wake up and see what he's done. I doubt it though. He's pretty high on his new drug.

h0peless posted 3/4/2015 08:18 AM

I've always felt that "giving it up to a higher power" was a huge cop out. pretty much the opposite of taking responsibility. It sounds like he's still looking outside of himself for the answers and I am pretty confident that doing that is a recipe for failure.

Ascendant posted 3/4/2015 08:23 AM

Hopeless-

I get ya. 'Giving it up to a higher power' is not a concept that has really made sense to me, ever, either. Whenever Co-D books or the like mention it, I always just reframe it in my brain as "recognize that you can't control most/all things."

h0peless posted 3/4/2015 08:31 AM

"recognize that you can't control most/all things."

That actually works for me, but if your interpretation of the concept is that you should flip a coin and Baal will make it land on the right side... I know I'm preaching to the choir there.

sisoon posted 3/4/2015 10:34 AM

...and yet some people seem to be constitutionally set up to demand or strongly desire meaning, to demand/desire that a higher power protect them, and ... so far it hasn't hit me so I don't know what words to use.

My W does HP stuff. I think it's crap. I want to be with her. All I can come up with is 'different strokes for different folks'.

SisterMilkshake posted 3/4/2015 10:56 AM

some people seem to be constitutionally set up to demand or strongly desire meaning, to demand/desire that a higher power protect them
How nice for some people to actually believe that. I do think it would nice to believe that there was some higher power that had my back. But, that is part of the problem for me. Because from what I see with some of the shit that the believers in HP's go through and still be able to believe that some HP has their back, well, I just would think that HP is an asshole.

ETA: sisoon, I agree. A lot of the people I love most in this world tend to be very devout believers. I have no problem with that. As you say "different strokes for different folks". I have heard often a complaint from believers about atheists/agnostics that we are always condescending and trying to make them feel stupid. I don't feel I do that. I just don't believe as they do, I don't understand how they can believe, but I don't try to change their mind or even try to explain why I believe as I do.

One of my sisters is so concerned about my soul though. She prays for me all the time. She has asked me to "believe" because what do I have to lose if I believe. I did try to explain to her that it isn't just that simple. I can't just "believe", even if I wanted to. I always see Archie Bunker when I am trying to explain this. It was when Edith was going through the "change". Archie didn't know what was going on with Edith's cray cray. When he finally figured it out, he gave her 30 seconds to change.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z438saoLNig

P.S. SG, now I am scared of my kitty!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:09 AM, March 4th (Wednesday)]

StillGoing posted 3/4/2015 14:33 PM

but if your interpretation of the concept is that you should flip a coin and Baal will make it land on the right side...

Baal-ram-ewe


sadone29 posted 3/8/2015 10:06 AM

The only good thing to come out of my kids going to church....I got to sleep in on my birthday!

And they have fun going too. I was really worried at first, but I've relaxed a bit about it. Hearing my daughter start sentences like "You know how I KNOW the bible isn't true..." really helps. She goes on to explain how scientists have determined that the world is more than 6000 years old.

This is from my almost 8 year old!

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