SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Looking for ideas for couples activities & date nights
shatteredapart
Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

WH and I are working on R. We're slowly making progress with trust issues and things A related. We've been doing weekly/bi-weekly date nights. I love having that one on one time with him. In the past I was practically begging for us time but he never gave it. There were no real excuses (except being tired from work) because my mom was always offering to watch the kids so we could spend some quality time together. I want to continue focusing on us as a couple and strengthen our bond as well as our marriage. I think doing an activity together as a couple would help. Something special just for us. I'm looking for ideas/suggestions. I want us to do something where we can spend at least an hour together interacting while building our relationship and memories. I'm having a bit of trouble because I'd like it to be something we'd both enjoy or something different we never tried. Has anyone done this? Thoughts or suggestions?
Oh and I'd love some input on changing up date night. Most times it's dinner out or dinner at home followed by a movie on dvd. I'd like to spice it up from the good old standby. I have some ideas but I'd love more.


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

My idea on the subject (which never worked out for us) was to alternate planning date night. Picking something that I was into or interested in and sharing that experience. And vice versa. We may not enjoy everything the other person picks but at least we will get to know each other better and experience new things.

It hasn't worked out for us because fWS is not much of a planner. Its just not who she is. She comes up with ideas but I'm usually the one making the plans.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
Blobette
Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

I once read a piece of research that looked at the kinds of things couples did and marital satisfaction. The conclusion was that you don't do the same old same old. You switch it up, do the kinds of adventurous stuff you did when you started dating, or stuff that you haven't done bc of kids or whatever. Rock climbing class. Dinner in a different part of town, trying a new kind of food. A nutty play. Museum exhibit, galleries. Essentially, push the boundaries a bit. Although it can't be something you really hate the idea of, it should be stuff that stretches you a bit. Cooking class. Couples massage. Couples yoga. Anything you can laugh about afterwards. Hope this helps!


BS (me): 49
WS: 50
Married: 25 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1051 | Registered: Aug 2012
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Look for places that will teach a dance lesson and then have open dancing afterwards. If you don't know where to look then PM me your city and I'll dig through some resources for you.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51445 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Althea
Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Think outside sitting in front of a screen or eating food

I say this as someone whose date nights also basically only consist of that, but we have 3 kids under 6 including a 4 month old and no family around, so we do what we can

Here are some that we did prior to arrival of baby #3:

cooking class together (so fun!)
daytime hike (date doesn't have to be at night)
explore the closest city as adults and tourists
take a blown glass class (seems more interesting to non-artistic types than say pottery or painting which are also great)


really any kind of interactive class you can take together will be a lot of fun.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

We've joined the local cinema club, so get cheap tickets. A quick beer followed by a film out - always sitting in the back row like a couple of teenagers! Walk with the dog down on the beach. Meals out. Out to a pub with a garden to watch the sunset together. Going to an alternative energy talk at the local poly tonight. Lots of music gigs. Regular swim and sauna sessions. Out to see mutual friends. And if you possibly can, make a weekend of it. We've visited several lovely places that we'd never been to before, found some affordable deals in bed and breakfast and had real fun exploring together.

God, I wish we'd done this much years ago, but never had the time or money to do so with 3 kids at home. It helped us immensely, especially when things were very new and raw, to get away and have some distraction, something different un-A related to focus on.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 199 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)

We actually take ballroom classes together and they are very bonding. My H resisted (greatly) at first but we are in our third year. We have made new friends, have performed in our community production of the Nutcracker the last two Christmases and even were in the studio dance recital. Way outside our normal routine. Class is an hour a week, and we practice a bit at home.

We also race in triathlons together, which involves a lot of training. This can be fun; we may go to the beach and ride along the coast and then jump in the ocean, then hang out at the beach together. This time of year we take swim class together and go to the gym.

We also just enjoy trying new restaurants in the towns near to us. And whenever possible we take a trip to someplace new and try some fun adventures (bungee jumping, white shark cage diving, rappelling, etc--I know, we are a bit crazy). This stuff is super bonding and even sexy!

We talk a lot about our memories and how much fun we have had together. It helps get us through the tough times. Plus we enjoy planning our next adventure!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1698 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
shatteredapart
Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Thanks everyone for the great ideas! I want to start a bucket list if things we can do together as a couple. I think it will be a lot of fun and bring us closer together.


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
lostcovenants
Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Get a bird ID book and go birding :)

[This message edited by lostcovenants at 2:46 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011; sexting with same MOW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out.

Update-Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me


Posts: 135 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

This is good stuff - I am looking for ideas that don't involve dinner & a movie (we do that all the time and it's boring). I want to try ballroom dancing!


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5765 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

QS and I spent our first year in R doing new things.

Dressing up for dinner, (new cuisine) then going to the shooting range.

Camping for the first time ever

Our first baseball game

Getting up super early to watch the sunrise, then going for pancakes

Pottery painting

Date night at home, sitting in our jammies, filling out Do You Know Your Husband/Wife? quiz booklets, and eating junk food. (this was one of my favorites)

We've taken a couple inexpensive weekend trips to new locations and done touristy things. If you're in/close to a major city, check out all the tourist traps. I live just outside a major hub and I can't tell you how many things there I have not experienced.

Anything and everything that we had never done, we put it on the list. We've been chipping away at it. We do girly things, we do dude things. It's a mixture. The point is, we're having fun and we're together.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6045 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

If you're near a university, there's usually a lot going on there.

I 3rd the dancing classes. (Moo was the catalyst for our starting ballroom classes, by the way, and I remain grateful.)

W had to arrange stuff for us in the beginning. It turns out she's better at finding things to do than I ever was, so I think reversing roles could help.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9740 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
LonelySilhouette
Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Mini golf or real golf
Bowling
Skating/roller skating
Hiking
Picnic
Carnival or fairs
Ethnic restaurants you've never tried before with food you've barely heard of (we recently had our first shawarmas, for eg - we had no idea what we were getting!)
Night school class of something that interests you both or that interests one of you this time, the other next time
Long drive in the country, stop at interesting shops
Game night - Scrabble, cards, or whatever
Do a puzzle together
Go for walks in your neighbourhood or drive to a different neighbourhood and walk there
Museums, galleries, planetarium, zoo, aquarium?
Make a night/day of going through closets and drawers and trying on stuff, deciding to keep/donate
Paint/redecorate a room
(I know the last couple sound like chores but it can be nice/satisfying to work on a project together)


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Something that's fun for us is going to paint at a nearby pottery studio. It's different, it's a hands-on project which Crazz really appreciates, and it's in an Urban area where we can walk around.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16332 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Both of you write down a list of things that you always wanted to try. Anything and everything from sky diving to picking wildflowers in a meadow. Exchange lists. On even numbered months, you pick something off of his list and do that or something similar. On odd months, he does the same.

If you''re in a town that does Groupon sales, buy tickets to something you''ve never seen before. Get a 2fer1 to a type of restaurant you''ve never eaten before. Just go for it! I bought tickets for a pontoon airplane ride. We were picked up on the water by a restaurant, flew out of the bay, took a ride along the coast and watched dolphins, and then landed on the bay again and waded ashore by a golf course. Then had dinner at the restaurant we flew out of (the public dock was full so we had to do an alternative beach landing, oh darn!). All because of a groupon!

My FWH and I each have a "savings" account that money is deposited into each month. The rules are that I can only use my money on him and vice versa. That''s how we can do surprises for each other (and pay for them) but because the money is in our joint account system, we are both accountable.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4557 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
LonelySilhouette
Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Another thought is to do some volunteer work together? I know we're all suffering, but so are others in different ways and it might uplift some of us to help them.


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Gman1
Member
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

We like to weekend getaways to different, new places. Places like wineries, the beach or college football games. Another really neat thing we are going to do is go on a couples weekend retreat in the mountains. It's called "A Weekend to Remember " and is offered in various places all over the country. It is a great thing for couples to attend & Christian based.

Posts: 161 | Registered: Oct 2013
totallyconfused1
Member
Member # 42030
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, January 30th (Thursday)

Hiking, Kayaking, canoeing, Skiing, snowshoeing. (No clue where you live or weather) Do you have geocaching in your area? It's like a scavenger hunt thing with GPS in state or provincial parks.

Things that make you laugh and have fun together - amusement park, water park, bowling, comedy club.

We are in the club that don't have relatives to watch kids for us (and finances don't allow paying too much for a babysitter to go out all night long), so lots of our date nites had to be in. Playing cards or a board game with some appies was fun. Wii games - wii dance always gets a laugh. Laser tag, paint ball (fun with a group of people). Some pubs have trivia nights, so that's something different than just sitting around and eating.


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 18