SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Agreed to counseling
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Well, the pyromaniac porn addicted husband has agreed to counseling. After his 'bonfire', he put up the 'tough guy' wall. That broke yesterday afternoon. He started to cry, to apologize, to say he loves me, and agreed to counseling. I told him that the counseling was to be SPECIFICALLY for the porn thing first, and others after. If the counselor changes that, fine, but when asked why he's there - porn. The counselor needs to be experienced in SA as well.

Also, I'm going to the first 2 sessions. I am there to add to what has been happening with him and us, and to make sure he doesn't lie to the counselor.After that, it's his counseling.

We are not 'reconciled'. We are in limbo. Who knows. Today, I'm not worrying about it. Today, I'm fine either way.

Again - you guys are amazing, truly. I wouldn't have done so well these past few days without you guys, and I will be hanging around, just in case.

Thanks all - and Merry Christmas!!


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1879 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Today, I'm not worrying about it. Today, I'm fine either way.

This is one definition of boundaries. You set your boundary, and the action you will take if the boundary is broken, and leave the outcome to the other person.

Then there is no need to worry. You have a plan in place either way.

You do have a plan, don't you?


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5139 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Well that''s good. Even if it doesn''t end up being enough to save the marriage it will be positive for both of you. I''m hoping everything works out well. Merry Xmas


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)

You do have a plan, don't you?

Oh, you bet I do. I met with my attorney yesterday as planned. I am putting moving forward on hold, but I am in place to do it if the need arises.

And yes, boundary is exactly what I finally did. I told him that I would NOT be married to a porn addict. I said he was free to continue behaving in any way he wanted, and that he could keep his porn, but not me and the porn. I told him it was entirely in his court, because my boundary was set, and he could live inside of it or outside of it.

I have a plan for me, my kids (adults now - barely) and my pets. I'm ready, no matter what comes down the pike.

Thanks for the support - again. I wouldn't have gotten here without you in this forum, and this site.

(((hugs)))


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1879 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

Perfect. I'm here if you need to talk.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3458 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
ItHappened2Me2
Member
Member # 32503
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)

And yes, boundary is exactly what I finally did. I told him that I would NOT be married to a porn addict. I said he was free to continue behaving in any way he wanted, and that he could keep his porn, but not me and the porn. I told him it was entirely in his court, because my boundary was set, and he could live inside of it or outside of it.

BRAVO!

Keep that boundary strong and keep the plan in place!


BS - me (52); WS - him (52)
DD 15yo, DS 11 yo
Married 25 years (together 27+/-)
DDay #1 - March 18, 2011
DD #2 (after 3 + month TT and false R -- the affair had gone underground) - June 28,2011
DD3: June 19, 2013 - he started up again with the

Posts: 241 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 6