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User Topic: Having a hard time this week.
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Been having a streak of "Sad days". I went home and told my WW that I was having a really hard time and I needed a long hug. She agreed but seemed annoyed. This later lead to her cutting into me again and letting me know that I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Just feel like I need some support. The hurt has been lingering this week.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry for her cruelty, how awful.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
marlie2014
Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

What an awful thing to say. It's so difficult when the person you used to go to for your comfort becomes the person who's the cause of your need for comfort!

(((hugs)))

We're here for you, anyway.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

((((No12turn2)))) Cyber hugs coming your way. I'm sorry you're having a rough week. I wouldn't pin any hopes on a wayward who is actually telling you NOT to get your hopes up.

You can DETACH emotionally, it will save you more heartache and make you stronger so you will have the strength to make it through this.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9689 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Crushed,
I'm all for detachment. I fully expect to do so when she finally moves out of the house. That has been my biggest issue. Can't just leave myself because of the kids.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
LearningToRun
Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

You cannot go to her for support anymore. This is faulty thinking on your part. She is no longer that person.

It sucks, i know. But the sooner you drop having expectations of her acting like a compassionate person the better.


Posts: 244 | Registered: Feb 2011
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

That is beyond cold. I'm sorry she can't show you any kind of support or even remorse. Have you read up on the 180? This may be the perfect time to start.

I'm so sorry.

Sending you strength and (((HUGS))).

You know you can always turn to us for support and ton of virtual hugs.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Ah, It's just SO EFFING hard to be around that person everyday. Just knowing that we are both counting the days/weeks until she can afford to leave.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Crying at work now. Geezus


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Oh man, gosh I wish I could just give you a real hug!
I know you can't fathom it now, but it will get better. I remember having to go hide in the bathroom because I just couldn't hold the tears in anymore.
As for turning to her for comfort, you just can't. It is more damaging.
My dog was bitten by a rattlesnake 3X a few weeks back. I didn't even hesitate in calling my STBXH. We had been NC for maybe a month and a half/two months at that point. At first, he was just as upset, but he attacked me for not being able to afford over $5000 on my own to pay for his vet care.
I blasted him. Felt good at the time, well hell's bells, it still sometimes brings a smile to my face! However, I just didn't have the heart to deal with his ugliness anymore. I've been NC since then.
Please go NC so you don't have to feel this same devastation. You will be so happy you did it later.
NC=no new hurts.
Hang in there, it will get better. Try to go to friends, read a book in a different room, do yard work, anything to not be in her presence.
Right now, she doesn't even deserve to see you, smell you, or think of you. She really doesn't. You deserve peace and no new hurts!
(((No12turn2)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2210 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Support sent. I was forced to live with my 1st CXW for a year and a half while custody was decided. Got to a point where she filed false DV charges. After that didn't work, she just started having her *dates* pick her up at the house.

I know where you're coming from.

180, 180, 180 and then for variety, 180. Work on you. Exclude her from as much of your life as you can. She is the LAST person you should be turning to for support. She thinks that you will be there if she changes her mind. Disabuse her of that notion.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2684 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Oh, I had another thought.
Take a dance class in the evenings. It will get you out of the house. Shoot, take your kids to dance class too!
You will be able to focus on something fun outside of her crazy little games world!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2210 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Shoot, take your kids to dance class too!

Or karate. There are a lot of dojos that do family style martial arts these days.

I agree with the others, when it comes to doing the 180 and detachment.

Look at it this way: you went to your wife for comfort, and you got the opposite of comfort. The opposite of comfort is what you should expect from her from now on. She's shown you who she is, and she is a person that is undeserving of you.

Hang in there. Sending you strength.


Posts: 6573 | Registered: Dec 2010
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

She agreed but seemed annoyed. This later lead to her cutting into me again and letting me know that I shouldn''t get my hopes up.
Wow, no wonder you''re having a hard time.

Bottom line to me is that is she isn''t remorseful and has no real empathy. I''ve seen posts from remorseful WS here on SI and I feel confident saying they would post (actually I believe they have posted) about how grateful they were their BS turned to them for comfort. They were grateful for any chance to help heal their pain because they truly wanted to R.

You don''t have that unfortunately. My advice is, like so many others have said, to detach. You cannot have your emotional health and healing be contingent upon her actions at all.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3710 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
endlessabsurdity
Member
Member # 40249
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

She agreed but seemed annoyed.

This makes my blood boil. It also raises a shadow of the hurt and anxiety I felt when my unremorseful spouse would act in similar ways towards me while I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Your WW is definitely not remorseful.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Ah, It's just SO EFFING hard to be around that person everyday. Just knowing that we are both counting the days/weeks until she can afford to leave.

^^^This! I completely know how this feels. Some days it's just so crushing. My husband won't even look at me when I'm talking to him about something regarding the kids.

It sucks to say the least. I hope your day gets better for you. Is there something you can do, a hobby perhaps, that will get you through the rough days?

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 3:22 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

By the time I get home and help the kids with homework, it's time to get started dinner. She usually makes it home from work about then and I clean up a little. She does absolutely nothing in the house. I'm going to make it a point to get out with the girls and do something. Thanks!


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
heartbroken2012
Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

No1,

I am in the same place. Having some sad days...looking for support and nothing. WH does nothing in the house, I have to do it all. And all you want to do is go to that person for support and love and they arent giving it to you.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Don't be there when she gets home. Be at a park, a movie or the swimming pool. Don't cook for her. Don't do her dishes. Quit giving her the support you have for years. If you do the laundry, let hers sit. Make it a point to enjoy your life. Have the kids help cook.

Point being, 180. Do it for you.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2684 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

No12turn2
You really need to simplify your life right now.
Dinner, tuna sandwhiches and cucumber salad, or hamburger helper with fruit salad.
Do NOT cook enough for her. Or better yet, if you have a relatively healthy restaurant to take the girls, you three only go do martial arts, museum, dance class, whatever and then go out to eat..no dishes. Come home, don't do her dishes. Clean the absolute mimimum. This crap can really take a toll on your health. Try to get the 8 hours of sleep. Benadryl helped me in the beginning. Now, I don't really need it that often anymore.
I promise, it does get easier. Unfortunately, you will have to go through the pain in order to properly heal. When the sobs come, go with it, let it all out. It's a process and takes time.
I know you are a male, but hit the gym when you can and then give yourself the gift of massages. It's healing. Go for walks, bike rides, runs. It's a little easier to lift the depression when you are surrounded by beautiful nature. It's fall so everything is so colorful right now.
Take the girls to a pumpking patch and hay rides if you have that where you live.
It is hard summoning up the energy to get out of bed sometimes, so rest when you need it, but recognize when you need to get up and get moving too!
Come here often! We are all here for each other.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 4:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2210 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

help the kids with homework, it's time to get started dinner. She usually makes it home from work about then and I clean up a little. She does absolutely nothing in the house.

Replace "she" with "he" and you have my every evening.

Once you start doing the 180 and doing more for yourself and doing things with the girls you'll start to feel stronger. It will give you the confidence boost you need.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Sorry to say but...
what a Bitch.. Sending hugs. I too am having a bad week. Stay strong you deserve a better person.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Came home and enjoyed the night with my daughters. Mommy is sleeping on the couch again tonight. We didn't talk much because she was busy with her phone. It felt like a small win for me but she hardly noticed me so it wasn't that hard


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
quoththeraven1
Member
Member # 35458
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

First, I'm really, really sorry. Second, having lived through it, what you described isn't annoyance, it's contempt. Third, we reconcile, not because we have to, but because we have evaluated the situation, and find that there is something worth saving for the future. For me, that was only really possible once I put divorce on the table, and I mean really put it there, in my own mind. Until then, no matter what was said, in her mind she held all of the cards and was willing to play them any way that suited her (and the piece of garbage she was seeing).
Again, I'm really, really sorry. But you need to understand that the person living in your home is no longer the woman you loved and married. You need to adjust your treatment of her accordingly. this doesn't mean that she cannot choose to become a decent person again, but that isn't happening. Thus, you must either adjust your philosophy or submit to her whims. To me, there is no remorse here at all, but a sense of complete entitlement. I can't tell you why this is exactly, but I can tell you that I had to deal with it in other marriages, and then finally had to face it in my own. When people choose to behave this way, for some reason it makes them insufferably arrogant and in their minds, turns the spouse into something unrecognizable. You are an inconvenience keeping her from happiness and fulfillment. And the more you try, the more contempt you will experience.
Again, I'm really, really sorry

Posts: 166 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Appalachia
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

How are you doing today?


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

It felt like a small win for me but she hardly noticed me so it wasn't that hard

She noticed. Believe me, she noticed. When I did the 180, didn't seem like he noticed. Only took 2 days, he noticed.

But do you and quit worrying about her noticing. That first step forward is a doozy and you did it. Now keep walking strong, hon.
K?

We got your back!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2210 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

Trying to keep my mind off of it today. I listen to music a lot. One day at a time.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

Sometimes, just one minute at a time....

Stay strong. Focus on you and your girls. You sound like a wonderful man and father. She doesn't deserve you. Really, she doesn't.

I hope you will find your joy and eventual peace. She is making that very difficult for you, I get it.

Just keep taking care of yourself and being the best dad you can for your girls. Happiness will come to you again!!!!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 649 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

Trying to keep my mind off of it today. I listen to music a lot. One day at a time.

Some days that's all you can do, and that's all right. Try to take time out for yourself, even if it's a walk around the neighborhood.

Still sending you strength. You'll get through this.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, November 22nd (Friday)

I need a win today really bad. I need something to make me feel good.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, November 22nd (Friday)

What do you like to do?

Your girls a the same ages as my two. What do they like to do? I'm not what part of the US you're located, but if it's warm enough, could you go to the park with? There's nothing better then swinging with your kids or racing down a slide. That always makes me laugh.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, November 22nd (Friday)

I'm in Oklahoma. Mixed rain and ice today with temps barely in the 30s. Might be a movie night


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

Yeah, rain and ice make it difficult to enjoy a park. A movie night sounds great! Frozen comes out in a few days. That might be a fun one to go to. My daughter wants to see that.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)

Made sugar cookies and decorated them with the girls. Also put up the tree and plan to decorate it today


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)

That sounds like the perfect way to spend the day with them


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)

That was short lived. The ice Queen came home and accused me of trying to win the kids over. Then she jumped in our activities. I wasn't about to say no in front of the girls. I just kept my distance and gave my attention to the girls


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, November 23rd (Saturday)

180, 180, 180 and then for variety, 180. Work on you. Exclude her from as much of your life as you can. She is the LAST person you should be turning to for support.

Don't be there when she gets home. Be at a park, a movie or the swimming pool. Don't cook for her. Don't do her dishes. Quit giving her the support you have for years. If you do the laundry, let hers sit. Make it a point to enjoy your life. Have the kids help cook.
Point being, 180. Do it for you.

5454real gave some great examples of doing the 180 and it will also help you detach! Of course it's not easy to detach from someone after having such a long shared history with them.

So many of us have been in your shoes and we know how gutwrenching and difficult this is (((No12turn2))), they will just suck the life right out of you if you let them. Stay strong!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9689 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, November 24th (Sunday)

Did great on 180 last night and this morning. Went to bed without saying goodnight to her like I always do. As I was walking to the room she said goodnight almost like I forgot to say it. I was polite and replied in a friendly manner but I didn't look at her. She slept on the couch again.

This morning she was getting ready for work and she mentioned that the couch wasn't comfortable. She said she wished I would go stay with my brother for the weekend (like I have every weekend) so she could sleep in the bed. I told her that I didn't feel like doing that anymore.

Next, she noticed it was snowing outside. I usually warm up her car for her but today I started watching some cooking shows. She noticed immediately and said the one day I need you to warm up my car and you didn't do it. I didn't reply


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, November 24th (Sunday)

Had a trigger moment today. Found some pictures of her all dolled up on the computer and the date matched the time that she was talking to OM1. Thankfully the Ice Queen was at work.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
blue8888
New Member
Member # 40896
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, November 25th (Monday)

I'm so sorry. I had a rough day myself letting the OW creep into my thoughts too much today and it just made me depressed so I don't know why I did it to myself.

I also have to live with my WS for now and it's awful.

Hugs, just keep being a great Dad and taking care of yourself.

[This message edited by blue8888 at 12:09 AM, November 25th (Monday)]


Me- BW 31, WH- 29
M 11 yrs Together 13
2 kids (special needs)
Last Dday 9/26/13 EA w/ 19 yr old OW, too many prior EAs to list, one he kissed
Divorcing
My value hasn't decreased based on his inability to see my worth.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
ladycody
Member
Member # 41401
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, November 25th (Monday)

I just needed to tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this... :(


Me 47
WS 41
M=16 years

Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, November 25th (Monday)

Well I'm no good at this 180 method. I keep sliding back in my progress. She talked to me last night and I broke down a little. She told me I just need to wait until the separation to see what happens because she no longer feels comfortable in our home. This is the hardest part of my life right now. Knowing that she wants to leave and not knowing if we will get the chance I feel we deserve.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, November 25th (Monday)

This has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster and it's driving me insane. My IC says it's because of my abandonment issues and I had a feeling he would diagnose me as such.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, November 25th (Monday)

we will get the chance I feel we deserve

Maybe rephrase your thoughts to "I will give WW the chance to be part of the M that I deserve." Your WW is still thinking primarily about herself. Look at her actions and her words~you are excluding her from spending time with you and the girls, she no longer feels comfortable in your home.

Keep working with 180. It's hard to do, and no one expects it to come easily. Just focus on you and the girls.

You have handled yourself with such dignity during this time. Your daughters could not ask for a better and loving father.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 356 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, November 25th (Monday)

My heart just breaks for you. I'm so so sorry.
I have kids as well, and it's so hard to be trying to be strong for them while dying inside and wanting our "partners" to care when they are so..gone.
At least in my case mine just left completely so I don't have to share my house..although I'd give anything most days to have him here.
Watching movies with the kids is an easy way to be close to them and bring yourself comfort. Same with playing simple games like checkers, etc.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, November 25th (Monday)

Thanks for the encouragement


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Topic Posts: 46