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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Her Affair Exposed to Son
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Would just like to vent, again.
Last night, my son (14 almost 15) and I were heading to his sporting event 1/2 hr away in my truck. Out of the blue he says, "Dad, do we have friends or relatives in ""Blank_Town"". As soon as he mentioned the town, I went numb, for it is the town the OM/Loser lives at. So I asked him Why. He said, "cuz Mom wants me to go there with her for Thanksgiving" (in Canada, this day is in October). I didn't know what to say. He did not know about her affair yet, only the crap she told him regarding separation, "dad and I decided...bla bla garbage" (poor guy thought we were just separated, you know, some false hope of R).

So, I said, "We have no friends nor relatives in Blank_Town". He says, "so why does she want me to go there, and where is it?". I said it's about 5 or 6 hour drive from here." He was so confused. He said "Mom tells me we can go there and go ATV'ing and motorbiking, and eat turkey dinner, but when I keep asking her who these people are, she doesn't answer me. Just keeps telling me about the ATV's and Bikes". He was getting PO'd at her. (Their communication was all done via text).

So....I said to him, "Would you like the truth?" He says ya. So, I told him that this place in Blank_Town is where "dad's replacement is". He says waddyamean. I civilly told him the truth about her goings-ons over the past 5 months, without all the details, but enough to let him know. He went silent (still in my truck), and he had his head turned toward the passenger window. I asked if he was ok, and was totally crushed when I saw tears falling onto his coat and bouncing onto his lap. I'm tough, I handle a lot of shit. but when someone, ANYONE, hurts my kids like that, not only was I angry once again, I was so emotional, I could barely drive. I had to pull over.

He says, "I hate her". I asked if he was ok, we could turn back, and he said NO, I wanna go to the "sporting event". After he composed himself again, we carried on and I said, "If you have any questions, anything, you can talk to me". So he asked a couple more things, and the rest of the evening, he carried on with sports, friends, etc.

One thing he said to me was, "Mom always goes and does stupid stuff and then it's always someone else's fault". THIS KID IS A GENIUS. That quote so clarified who she has been over the years.
He told her, "No, I'm staying with Dad" (told her this b4 he found out about Loser). He also told her, "Why should I travel 6 hours to be with someone I don't know or care about?" Her "wise" response was "Well son, that's how you meet new people". !!! Really?! So basically, she was gonna drive him all the way down there, and then Surprise! Here's the Hero I've been fucking and ruining yours and dad's life with! 6 goddam hours away to boot. So he woulda been "trapped" there, and emotionally, unpredictable. Wow.

But I remember well, when I read their Facebook messages on D-day, How "they'll get over it". These waywards and their losers have NO CLUE how damaging their crap is to others. It's a fairy-tale farce.

My poor boy. My mind was effed up big-time last night.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
ThisHell
Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry....for you (I have been in this position of explaining and being honest, while also trying to not be negative about their father) as well as sorry for your son. He seems very wise and seems to also have a wonderful head on his shoulders...poor thing.


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 304 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Thank you for telling your son the truth. My mom was having an affair when I was his age and it was absolutely awful. I knew but I didn't "know", if you know what I mean.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry. You had to tell.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

You handled that well, Jack. Sounds like a smart kid.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2099 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

((((jackfish))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25746 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

(((jackfish & DS)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17846 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Thank you all for your understanding replies and cyber-hugs. It means a lot. I'm a guy and we're supposed to be tough, etc, but your support (even tho we don't really know each other) is so kind that you guys make a Jack fish verklempt (as Saturday Night Live Linda Richman would say).

And thank you to SI for allowing us to vent and share. We are all in this together!

And yes, my youngest son now knows. WW was SUPPOSED to tell him. My gut told me last night it was time. Now, I watch the drama unfold (hers...rolling my eyes). Yes she hurt me to the core, but to hurt your own son's (or daughter's) sense of family and security...for no damn good reason! THAT's the part that hurts me the most. and speaking of reason, she just cannot come up with anything, besides "I'm just so messed up". Or "It's everything". Huh?


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I think that qualifies as age-appropriate information.

Keep talking to him. He may have trouble wrapping his head around the truth for a while, but he may at the same time also have trouble with his emotional reaction to that truth.

Let him know that his feelings are OK, that you've had time to process your feelings but this is new and raw for him.

Don't let him clam up and pretend he's "fine", let him know some stuff may take a while to process and when he's ready to talk you are there. He can bring it up at anytime with you.

Hugs (((jackfish)))


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

@Hopeless

Ya I know what you mean. Last night he also said that when he was "visiting" with mom a couple weeks ago, he hit the screen on her iphone that was lying around to see the time, and saw a picture of a guy with his arm around her on a bridge. He was wondering who that guy was. So I think he was kinda suspicious.

And, lol, he asked me when I found out about Loser, and I told him how I accidentally saw mom's facebook open and saw the messages (over 1000) they were writing and if he remembered that one night where he came up to me (when I had just made the discovery) and I kinda half shut the laptop and told him I needed a few more minutes. He remembered and thot I was surfing porn or something!! LOL. No son, was just surfing your mom's adultery evidence that night! ( I didn't say THAT though!).


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I'm sorry you found yourself in that position, but kudos for being honest with him!

When I had the gut-wrenching "truth talk" with my DS20 it very nearly killed me. He was blindsided and the truth (not me saying anything negative about his dad) knocked his father off the pedestal of respectability DS had him on. His tears and anguish tore me apart.

Just keep letting him know you will answer any of his questions honestly and you will always be there for him. My kids have told me numerous times how appreciative of that they are. If our WSs didn't want their parental reputation damaged, they should not have engaged in such piss poor behavior.

Good job jackfish!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1191 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

@HEartbroken

Ya, b4 his event, we were in the parking lot sitting there for a few minutes and I said something like this to him calmly. "Son, I will never stand in the way of yours and mom's relationship, unless there were circumstances where I had to. You can talk to me, ask me Q's, vent, whatever you want, and WHENEVER you want. I will listen to you about anything...school, girls, friends, family, problems...anything, bad or good. And if you need help, I may not be able to always solve things, or at least not right away, but I will help you any way I can."

Pretty close to that. He said ok. And we were good.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Perfectly said Phoenix!

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Oh jackfish that made me cry when you said your son turned his head and tears were running down his face. I rememeber all well as a child hearing that about my mom and more than once. As much as I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF MY MOM, I will never understand her even to this day.

When I read that part in your post and all those feeling came back. The disappoint, the confusion, the anger you feel that they did this to your dad or mom, the fear of a new person, the feelings of having to chose (kids do that sometimes)and just knowing NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. Life as you knew it is gone.

When my wh did it to me, I went right back to those rejected and abandoned feelings. It was like I was a little girl again with my emotions.

And as for my brother, he still holds on to what she did til this day, He is 44. And I am the people please.

If parents only knew what they instill in their kids by their selfish behavior I don't know if they would do it. But they all think "kids will get over it" and yes they seem to but it sticks with them, and may come out when they are adults.. Its call FOO issuses.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
EZ4U
New Member
Member # 37703
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Just had to say, you did the right thing and handled it very well. We want to shield our older kids as much as we wish to do so with the younger ones but sometimes the actions of our waywards force us to decide. Do we continue to pawn our kids like some chess piece in the WW's fantasy game or give them the knowledge and therefore ability to make clear choices? The hard part is not being accusatory while being honest.
I had to do the same with my 14 y/o son. 2 years later he still loves the other parent, they have a fair relationship, but he knows a lie whenever he hears one and respects me for being truthful and strong. I am sure your son will find trust in your actions as well.


"I shall Forgive and Forget.
Forgive myself for being stupid and Forget about you."

Posts: 39 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Central Florida
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

It's gut wrenching to see how the kids are impacted. I wonder what the long term damage is, and if my kids' children will also suffer because of the damage. I told my WH while we were still attempting R that I not only had to forgive him as a wife, but as the mother of the children he nuked.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I'm So Sorry. Damn.
(((Jackfish)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry jackfish - it's something you should never have to tell a kid.

Honestly, I was so blindsided I don't even remember what I said when I told my kids, then 16, 17 and 18. (The 17 year old was his DD who is not close to him, but very close to my kids). It was such an explosion of craziness and I remember being calm, but I have no idea what I said.

((Hugs)) that's hard.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4609 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry jackfish - it's something you should never have to tell a kid.

Honestly, I was so blindsided I don't even remember what I said when I told my kids, then 16, 17 and 18. (The 17 year old was his DD who is not close to him, but very close to my kids). It was such an explosion of craziness and I remember being calm, but I have no idea what I said.

((Hugs)) that's hard.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4609 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)

(((((jackfish & DS)))))

Its the only button they have left to push. The times I see my girls hurting are the only times I taste the bitter thick black tar of loathing in my mouth. The pungent taste lessens as time go on. These days I'm much faster to whip into support mode rather than whip myself or him mode.

You did the right thing. Truth in an age-appropriate way. If you don't tell them they fill in the blanks themselves then will resent you for deceiving them.

She is a sneaky, underhanded, nasty piece of work. It is not at all fair to spring this on him and trap him like this. Just.Awful.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Again, thank you all for your replies. I read every single one closely and it means a lot.

It still hurts when he had his head turned and I saw those tears splashing down, not crying, just hard tears. It's a sight and a sad gut-wrenching moment I'll never forget.

He was ok today. Kept busy with his friends, and he helped me wash my truck. We never mentioned mom, and we went for a cruise and just guy talk. Just being his dad is all I'm being.

As angry as i still am about what she is doing, I know she suffered dysthemia/depression from about 2009 and forward (after her Mom died, a fallout with her dad, a non communication with her only sister, etc etc). I went thru so much THEN, never mind adultery and separation! I stayed true to my vows, and was by her side thru it all. There is no doubt in my mind that her mental issues are playing a big part in all of this. But it just makes no sense, even with how she's handling our 14 yr old. Like, ready to just toss him into her fantasy world, just like that...accept it and move on. They have ATVs and motorbikes you know. (ftr, so do we). Get over it. <---her world.

So sad.

Thanks to this site, and other reading I've been doing, I see this happens oh so often, whether they're a husband or wife. In good marriages or not so good. Wealthy, middle class, money-challenged. Northern hemi-sphere, southern hemisphere. Doesn't seem to matter. Poor mental health is destructive. I want to "save" her, the real her, but I know I cannot. Just let it unfold I guess. So confused. But I do know, marriage is over.

[This message edited by jackfish at 1:05 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

Even if they wanted to be saved (most of them do not) we can't save them from themselves.

It took me a very long time to accept that this is how he wants his life - he has chosen this. I believe his has a borderline personality disorder and he definitely has an anxiety issue. He chooses to medicate with booze, drugs and love.

It 'works' for him. Like any functioning addict he won't do a single thing until it doesn't work for him. I mean - losing his wife and 50% of his childrens time didn't make this feel like it wasn't working for him, what the hell will?

I also spent a lot of time mourning his lost potential and far too little investing in mine. That's where my energy goes these days. Yours will too - just got to get through the horrid 'what ifs' first.

The sad clown's atrocious actions in S/D helped me get to this place - I suspect your X will help you along in a similar way.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
EZ4U
New Member
Member # 37703
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

"spent a lot of time mourning his lost potential and far too little investing in mine"
StrongBtBroken - what an insightful quote. So true for so many of us.


"I shall Forgive and Forget.
Forgive myself for being stupid and Forget about you."

Posts: 39 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Central Florida
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)

EZ, yes great quote (except substitute "him" for " her"). As I've been getting out of the pre-Dday husband mode over the past 3 months, I am realizing how "off" I was in trying to become this savior, and the patterns of behavior and personality I had. My 14yr old son even said I'm different now. I really did not know WHO the hell I was. And I don't think WW really knows who the hell she really is right now either. It's like the movie Excorcist where this creature takes over a body.

All that said, as my mind de-clutters, and I move forward, with patience, I KNOW that my life will unfold for me as directed by me and my choices, and not that of a codependant dysfunctional spouse.

And thank you Strong. You should change your handle to Strong from Strongbutbroken. ;)

[This message edited by jackfish at 11:33 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)

(((jackfish))) I cried many times reading your post. It's too bad your WS wasn't there to witness it. So sad, I'm so sorry these poor kids


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 10th (Thursday)

(((jackfish))) You've had me in tears too. Wishing you strength. I am so glad you are having these open conversations with your son. It is really important and will help him tremendously. And will cement your relationship with him.

I can totally relate. My 2 oldest kids discovered the A 6 months before I did. My DD confronted WH a couple months later but he kept right on. Those kids are a mess. We didn't tell my youngest about the real reason for the S while we were trying to R. Finally, based on advice here and from our MC/IC/FC, I decided to tell him an age-appropriate version ( Dad fell in "love" with someone else ). Watching him sob for hours tore my gut open again. I was stoic though, and helped him examine his conflicting emotions and validated each and every one. We've had some great deep conversations since then. What really kills me is knowing my older 2 kids had to deal with that revelation on their own, with no adult to comfort them and reassure them that they would be okay. His ambivalence toward the damage he caused our children is beyond my comprehension.

Really feel sorry for all of our kids. I am glad yours seems to have a very level head and so glad you are being open and honest with him, without running her down. You are doing the right thing. My very best to you and DS.

ETA:

As I've been getting out of the pre-Dday husband mode over the past 3 months, I am realizing how "off" I was in trying to become this savior, and the patterns of behavior and personality I had. My 14yr old son even said I'm different now. I really did not know WHO the hell I was. And I don't think WW really knows who the hell she really is right now either. It's like the movie Excorcist where this creature takes over a body.
All that said, as my mind de-clutters, and I move forward, with patience, I KNOW that my life will unfold for me as directed by me and my choices, and not that of a codependant dysfunctional spouse.

Again, change the genders and you are speaking straight from my soul. Sigh. We WILL be stronger and better for this...someday.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 9:57 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 715 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Thank you so much Still! Folks on here so helpful and understanding. It is somewhat relieving that we're not alone in this bizarre-ness (if that's even a word, lol).

Everyday I've been working hard at moving forward, getting my ducks in a row, staying positive, getting my "self" back, etc. It's those goddam triggers. arrgghh, I wish they'd not pop up. That, and when my Ego wants her to truthfully in a sane mind, tell me, why. No lies, no omitting, just wth did I do or not do. Or what happened inside for her to suddenly do this. Besides her own mental health issues, how could she just sweep us, family, our life, everything under the rug!?! It's so mind boggling still!

I've been quiet about it with alot of friends and family, but many have told me "Jackfish, you are a great person", "you were great to her". Even her close friends and her family (my in-laws). NOBODY can figure this out.

I guess carry forward, soldier on, and with patience, perhaps SOMEDAY it will be revealed.

Hug back at you SS. I feel so bad for your kids too. but you sound sane, so they're lucky to have you!

[This message edited by jackfish at 4:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

Me? Sane? maybe sometimes... ha ha. Hard to feel sane these days. But I know I still am.

When I read your posts, I can't help but think you are the male version of me! (sorry that may sound creepy, isn't intended that way!) I've just heard the exact same things from EVERYONE who I've confided in. Even HIS friends who he's confided in have all told him he's nuts and he should run back to me and thank his lucky stars that I'd consider forgiving him. And, yes, even his own mother is on my side (although she still loves him, of course...). Why the heck can he not extract his head completely out of his backside? I just don't get it.

But like you, I'm working on me now. I'm learning, growing, and changing and if he doesn't get his stuff figured out (soon), he will be left in the dust. Too bad for him... His loss.

Reverse the genders again, but here's what I tell myself now: I want my kids to be proud of the woman I am going to become!

I don't know how you all deal with the added complication of the mental issues of your WW. That's got to be so hard on the kids too. Oh these poor kids, they are sure dealing with a lot. Best we can be is a stable influence for them and a strong moral example. I will teach them through my example. I know they are watching. You will do the same, I know...


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 715 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

@SS
Not creepy, understood, lol.

Ya the depression, etc issues have been around for a few years. My boys (21 & 14) lived thru it where it just became the norm. It was liveable cuz ""I"" made it liveable. I could write a book about my last 4 years with her. But, prior to all of this affair crap, I loved and cared for her wholly every single second of each day. As bizarre as she got at times.

I have done a lot of reading regarding her situation and found one article where a timeline/stages of depression/bipolar and leading up to affairs (the no-good-reason-why type). It was TEXTBOOK my WW. So, that has helped me digest alot of this; knowing the A wasn't really my fault. All I know is this. If she follows thru with this guy (who BTW is nothing special), boy oh boy oh boy is he in for some interesting times ahead, assuming the initial ""fog" wears off eventually! I hold PhD's in MyWifeology! lol. He's just a freshman learning the 101 classes!

SS, keep growing, keep giving that love to your kids. And TY so much for your feedback and inspiration. And your time for listening.
JF

[This message edited by jackfish at 8:22 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

So so sorry that is hard I told our 15 yr old daughter but I told her I still love him and we are working on it.
she turned around and what the hell for mom he's a loser and I'm not going with any bitch whore like his brother did with my cousin..
I said he isn't because I wouldn't allow it because he would be dead .. But anyway she holds a lot of hatred for him since she was used and ignored by WH to be with his gf. I talked to her and said I was not going to tell her but all the fighting wasn't hiding it. She thinks it's better that we told her and it helped since we told her school about home problems. It affected her grades quite a bit.
Still so sorry.. I am not sure if we are R or heading for D. I am tired.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Dreamland, I feel for your daughter. I do not have a daughter, many many nieces, but no daughter. If I did, I'd rather jump into a pit of cobras than diss my daughter for some slut. Daughters should be precious above all.

The stbx mothers our sons through text and facetime. Wow. the boys don't seem to care much since she's hardly been in their lives anyway.

Kids that age are smart, they figure shit out anyway for alot of them go through stuff with their peers, etc. so we may as well spill the beans. But why should WE do all the dirty work, right. POS's are liars, that's why.

Think strong dreamland!


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, October 11th (Friday)

I'm sorry, Jackfish. We're dealing with this right now with DD...the questions come out of nowhere and she is thinking all the time.

The questions kids ask and the things they know will never fail to amaze me. It's spurring her on to ask about my divorced parents and my twice divorced mother. XPervert forced this on us as everything else, but it's out now, like with you guys.

Advice to me is to be this stone faced person and let no one see my tears. People actual advised me, "it's ok to pretend it's ok", when for me, it never has been.

And you know what? I think kids see through bs very soon, for DD questions my mother, who is very much like Xpervert with the glitter but lack of substance in Dd's life. That's how her father's turning out and she's already questioning his motives for why he wants her to go "there".

Yes, like your son, he is painting this castle in the sky for her, but she's already got anger and confusion. Now she'll be taken there without her mother to help her when they let her down and I feel for your son who won't have your help when he's there to pick him up again.

It's also not easy to give them explanations without negativity sometimes, isn't it? But the high road beckons and seems to be the safest place still...


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 32