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User Topic: 180 questions
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, September 26th (Thursday)

I need a bit of help/clarification

* I know that we don't give gifts...but what do we do if the WS offers us something, or gives us a present for a birthday etc?

* Does the no giving gifts thing also apply for Christmas?

* I know we don't initiate relationship discussions, but what do we do if they want to? And what if they are still in contact with the AP?

* I know that we're only supposed to talk about children and finances. But he still has lots of property here, is it ok to ask him to remove it?


Thanks


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 724 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, September 26th (Thursday)

In my opinion all that is up to you, and how you feel it will help or hurt your stance, and your finding and hanging on to your strong.

For me it they are still not NC then I would stay true to it.

Yes and him removing his belongings is fianacial, because if you have to look at it another day longer you are going to start selling it. Or if you throw it out, then he may have to buy replacements. When you do ask him to get it though be very concise in time frame, and what you expect him to take. Don't wishy wash it.

You have xy and z here. I want it gone by Nov1, if it's still here by that date, I will assume you no longer want it, and get rid of it. You are welcome to come by and get it on, and give him 3 days, and times that he can come.

I don't know your story, so I can't really offer more specifics than that.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

or gives us a present for a birthday etc?
I would take it and say "Thank you". I figure WS owes me a whole lot more than whatever gift was offered. I wouldn't buy WS any gifts though.
no giving gifts thing also apply for Christmas?
See answer above. Now, if you have young children and they give the WS a gift from them at Christmas but you were the one who actually financed that gift, I would continue to do that. That is a gift from the kids, not you.
I know we don't initiate relationship discussions, but what do we do if they want to?
Listen politely. Don't get angry, don't get upset. After they finish, say "Thank you for sharing your thoughts." Thats it. Especially if they are still in contact with the AP.
he still has lots of property here, is it ok to ask him to remove it?
What tushnurse said.

Now, everyone can tweak the 180 for how it works for them. But, try to stay true to the core of the 180 which is to detach emotionally from the WS and to focus on what is good for oneself. Talking to the WS keeps you emotionally attached.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Gifts, nope don't give, but I agree with SisterMilkshaek, he owes you, so take.
Christmas, same deal, no gifts.
Children, yes talk if absolutely necessary. Though, can't emails suffice? Don't know your particular situation.
Everything else can be discussed through your attorneys.
I would have an official letter sent through your attorney informing him when his drop dead day was to get his stuff out. Whatever is remaining, donate to charity, and use it for a tax break.
Best of luck


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/7/2014

Posts: 2133 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 4