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Just Found Out
User Topic: Found out again should I stay
kw23
New Member
Member # 40751
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

So not sure how to tell my story so here goes. 13 yrs ago I met my current boyfriend. We dated for 18mths and I realized that it was not a positive relationship the distance was not good and one huge factor made me realized that he was not their for me.
7 yrs after saying goodbye we started dating again less than a yr while pregnant with our first child I got a random email from a girl stating that I was not the only girl he has been sleeping with. This girl had been sleeping with him for a few years I knew of the girl according to him she was just a friend and they had nothing going on. I felt so betrayed and hurt. We were so happy we were about to have our first child together and everything was perfect we went back and forth on email for awhile he admitted to it and swore he would never do it again. I believed him and trusted his word.
Three years later after giving birth to our second child I get a Facebook friend request from someone with my boyfriend pic as the profile pic. I messaged the person after going and forth found out that he was still with the girl and they now have a child together as well. I was so broken. The girl had no idea that we were still together he was lieing to both of us. I felt so stupid how can you live with a man and not realize he has another family 40 min away.
Eight months later I am still here with no idea what to do! On one end I feel bad for him because she is making it hard for him to see his daughter I have to tell him what to say to her so he can see her, today was his first time since I found out and the only reason was because he threatened a lawyer and court. On the other end I hate him for everything he had done to me our entire relationship was based on a lie and the worst part is I have no one that I can vent to and get a response from no one knows I am hurting and dieting inside. Should I stay ?

[This message edited by kw23 at 4:50 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

((I'm sorry that you're here))

It doesn't appear that he has any intention of maintaining a monogamous relationship with you. I think at he very least, you need to get child support set up through the courts. Make sure that your children are provided for.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

The question is....why do YOU think that you should stay?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8116 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
strongerdaybyday
Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Sorry you're here. This "club" sucks...no one wants to be a member! If u stay be prepared for him to try and continue playing both of u. One question... R u sure the OW had no idea about u? My husbands OW told me the same bs but I found out she knew he was married but wanted him anyway. ((hugs)) whatever u decide won't be easy. Good luck

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 6:52 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
kw23
New Member
Member # 40751
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Thanks williesmom I did a couple of weeks ago even though we live together I still want to make sure that if I decide to leave my kids are taken care of.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
kw23
New Member
Member # 40751
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

@gottabe2016- that is a great question I guess at the end of the day I love him and I am trying to do right by my kids. Some days I wonder if love is enough though!

@strongerdaybyday- we texted for a few weeks after it happened I get the feeling she didn't she thought we had broken up and he only saw me to get our child I could be wrong though. Yeah I guess I fear is he really going to stop.


Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

You need to see an attorney and petition for child support like yesterday. Here's why: when the courts make child support calculations, the first one to the courthouse wins. That is, the other spouse's entire income is calculated in figuring child support. For subsequent children with other partners, the income LESS the child support already being paid is what is used for calculations.

So if she files for support before you do, you will get a lot less because a different income figure will be used.

If someone is able to lie to you (and to her) for that long and that effectively, what does that say about him? I think it says he will continue to lie. I don't think it bodes well for a happy, long -term relationship. I would get a lawyer, get a support order and work on getting a new life that doesn't include him.

Cat

[This message edited by Catwoman at 7:43 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29680 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I guess at the end of the day I love him and I am trying to do right by my kids. Some days I wonder if love is enough though!

Ok, well I love vanilla ice cream with oodles of caramel on it....but that doesn't mean that it's a healthy option for me, kwim?

You kinda need to look at the facts here. Your BF has been living a *double* life for the entirety of your relationship and that is a pretty big pill to choke down.

She had no idea about you. You had no idea about her. You can probably safely assume that all of the *boyfriend-ish* things that he was saying to you....that he was also saying to her. This guy sounds like bad-news and a pretty messed-up pup. I think it would serve him right for you both to wash your hands of him.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8116 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 8