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User Topic: She's moving on...
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Stop  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

We're divorced. We've gone our separate ways. I walked away, and moved on with my life.

I'm hearing that she's dating someone and going on vacation with him. Why does it upset me so much? I'm shocked at my reaction. I'm sitting here in tears.

Is it the realization of how much I've screwed up my life? Do I still love her after all? I'm so confused by it all.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Are you in IC? It seems to me that if you haven't fixed what's broken you will continue to be unhappy.

It could be a case of you just want what you can't have. Awhile ago you wanted the divorce, now you're sad because she's with someone else.

Work on you. You are responsible for your own happiness.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37563 | Registered: Sep 2007
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I'm not in IC. I know I need to be. I just moved to Dallas and have been so busy with work.

I know I need to concentrate on my own happiness, which I have been doing. This just sent me in a bit of a tailspin.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
UnexpectedSong
Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

What are you feeling? Can you analyze each feeling? Jealousy? Rejection?


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6094 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Sadness. A lump in my throat that won't go away.

Not jealousy or rejection. I'm the one who did the rejecting. I can't explain my feelings. It just seems so insane. How could I feel this way after what I've done? After how I treated her?


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Is it heartbreak?

I just feel so fucked up. Like something is wrong with me. I feel broken.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I also feel like she has her act together and I don't. If I had only done the right thing and figured my shit out...things would be different.

I'm so sad.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
UnexpectedSong
Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Sadness and heartbreak... I am sorry for your pain.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6094 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

The other thing that bothers me is that he's been in my house. I'm still on the deed and on the mortgage. I'm still on the hook for the house. I know I walked away but it's still my house.

I know I shouldn't feel the way I do. But he's been in my house. It shouldn't bother me but it does.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
GraceRunner
New Member
Member # 39856
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I am so sorry for your sadness. I think it is normal. You are just recently divorced. Of course there will still be feelings of caring and attachment even if you are the one who thought it was best and wanted the divorce. This is new for you, be gentle with yourself. And don't worry if she appears to have her act together and you don't. She may be feeling good or she may be covering up her lonely feelings with a new boyfriend and trying to cope as well as she can right now. Either way, it sounds like you have a good goal. You are working on getting yourself to a better spot. You will get there, just keep up the hard work and focus on healing yourself.

[This message edited by GraceRunner at 11:46 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Me - FWW, 38
Him - BS, 42
Married 15 years
2 young daughters
4 month EA/PA, DDAY 10/12

Posts: 39 | Registered: Jul 2013
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I know this all sounds selfish. So, maybe I should add that I want her to be happy. I want what's best for her. I'm not the controlling type. Never was.

I appreciate all the comments and suggestions from all of you so far. It helps.

I just feel so sad.

I flew to NJ yesterday from Dallas to see my kids. I'm here in NJ and NY until Wednesday. I was so happy to be coming here. But the reality of her moving on and all of us settling into our new life just doesn't sit well with me.

We had dinner tonight (the kids and I and their cousins). My younger one left early because he has school early tomorrow. My older one stayed late. When it was time for him to leave, we said goodbye and I watched him get in his car and drive away. I broke down in tears as I watched him drive away.

I still feel like the bad guy. I feel like I ruined everyone's lives.

I'm crying as I type this. I just want the pain to go away.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I broke down in tears as I watched him drive away.

I am sure you did. That would break my heart also.

I think you are feeling heartbroken and sad. But I also think it hurts so much because you have no idea what is going on between them. You remember the high that your A gave you and now she is in a new relationship experiencing all that 'newness'. And it hurts as I can imagine it would.

I am sure the pain you feel will fade and as with many things, the only answer is time.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2012
ak23123
New Member
Member # 40692
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Hey buddy -

I'm a little confused. You said she's moving on but you also said you walked away....


WS (me) - 32
BS - 37
18 month old baby

Posts: 13 | Registered: Sep 2013
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Yes, I walked away.

I guess it's the realization of just how badly I fucked things up. A strange man is meeting my wife and being introduced to my kids in the house I shared with my wife.

It upsets me.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
wwcrash
New Member
Member # 40843
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I'm crying just reading this. I'm so sorry for your sadness. What you're feeling is regret, imo. I am a ww who got caught on June 3rd. Every day has been my lowest, it seems. I don't know what's going to happen with me, but if we divorce and my H moves on, I think I will experience the same as you. I'm learning that TIME is an amazing healer. I'll send you good vibes starting now!! (((hugggggs)))

Posts: 11 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: SE US
outtamymind
Member
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Thanks WW.

It hasn't been easy. Yeah, I'm full of regrets. Thanks for the hugs. Hugs to you too.

Can't see where it's getting better. I just keep my head down and moving on. Forward seems to be the only way.

Take care....


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2011
ladfa
New Member
Member # 40997
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)

Removed.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:36 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 17