Just Found Out
User Topic: Four months of this Crap
New Member
Member # 40716
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I'm new to this forum and so glad I'm not alone. Just yesterday I went to my thereapist. I feel so much better and worse at the same time. I'm on a rollercoaster ride. Just when I thought I was going to survive this, I start to ache again. I feel so alone. I really feel that my H is in love with the OW. I've asked him but he just says no. My thereapist said I need to get strong and draw a line and be firm with it. I don't feel I'm there yet. But what do I do? I love my H and I want to work things out, but I feel that he's in love with her.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

You are not alone.

We understand. Sadly, so sadly, the same patterns play out again and again and again.

The rollercoaster is real - I am sorry. But know that the hell you have already lived through is hell you have survived.

And your WH - right now you cannot believe a stinkin' word that comes out of his mouth. At this point he hardly knows the truth from the lies and your mind will contort in a thousand positions to make sense of the crap he spews.

My suggestion is to immediately order the book Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott. It is a easy read and when your mind is a tortued muddle the direct instruction is really comforting.

Post post post here. You will get loving support.

You will make it through, my friend.

BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe

Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
New Member
Member # 40658
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

12866, so sorry you are here. You definitely are not alone now. We are in it together. I am new also and SI has given me hope, something I have not had in a long time.

The Library is an amazing resource. It has so much great information.

I think it's good you are going to a therapist, I know it will help. Just as self-rescuer had in their post, you're not alone. We will survive.

[This message edited by toomanytimes at 9:18 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Posts: 12 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, September 19th (Thursday)


So sorry that you have found yourself here. A place no one every wants to be.

Please know that you ARE on a rollercoaster ride. It is a hell of a ride but we are all here and will ride along with you. Buckle up but know that it can and will end at some point, one way or another. You will come out the other side. You will.

Please stay with IC. You will need all the help you can get navigating these waters.

It is okay that you love your husband. It is. We just want you to heal and protect yourself.

It is normal to question your WH motives, his feelings. It is HIS job to reassure you and earn your trust back through his actions not words. His words are meaningless at this point.

Define your boundaries and that will help you feel some control.

Keep posting and know we are all here rooting for you.

Good luck. Many prayers and hugs.

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

My spouse came home the day he told me said I quote I think I love her.
He sure did. Now he swears he never never said that. See they are in fairy land. Just hold on to You. You will be ok. Read here go to therapy. If you think he has his head up her arse then knock him out of that.
Read here about the 180 grow stronger. we are here.
Sorry you are here.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Yes please read about the 180 so you can get the strength you need to close the bakery. He's a cake eater and you deserve better. As long as you continue to let him take you for granted, he will.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 40382
Question  Posted: 8:32 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

What is a cake eater?

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Calif.
Member # 40382
Question  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

What is a cake eater?

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Calif.
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, September 20th (Friday)


Someone who wants to have their cake and eat it, too.

They pretend they love their spouse, while they are seeing OW to decide if the OW is who they want before they make a break from their spouse.

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2217 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Or sometimes they are just desperately trying to figure out the right lies in order to have both.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Topic Posts: 10