New Beginnings
User Topic: I'm struggling
Helen of Troy
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I am having serious issues with single motherhood. No details. I really don't know what my goal is for this post.
Validation maybe. I'm not sure if I want to feel ashamed of that or not.

Posts: 4719 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

((will get by))

I understand. Yes, it is hard. I struggle everyday. But, look, your kids are worth it. I think I only stick around this earth for my kids, they need me. (my dog, cat and old horse need me too, lol)

Mothers really get the sh@t end of the stick in divorce in more ways than one.

I try to remember all the other mothers out there in the same boat as you and I are in and it give me encouragement. It is the way life is. Sucks

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 621 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Please don't feel it's shame for just needing validation as a single mother - please!
The struggles are immense.
I say this as a one-time single father.
Sending strength to you.

Posts: 6675 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I know how you feel. Don't feel ashamed. Raising children can be a struggle when there are two loving, committed parents involved. And while most of us have adjusted to our circumstances, this still isn't what we signed on for, and it sure as heck isn't what my kids deserve. My XWH has NO idea how much his behavior continues to impact the kids on a daily basis. They don't talk to him, so he thinks that everything is hunky-dory.

What's going on, wgb?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3623 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Ditto what tryingagain said...

Single motherhood is freaking hard! It's exhausting and frustrating and scary to do it all- especially when you never planned on it.

Hang in there. I understand. I wish I could help...

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3618 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)


Nothing but hugs. Sometimes things just aren't right.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8462 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 21851
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

To be honest my kids forced me to keep it together. I stayed focused and worked through a lot of shit.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body"

Reformed BS 39 xWW 34
Two kids 5 and 2

Posts: 952 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: NW
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

(((Will get by)))

You know, you WILL. I think all divorcing primary caregivers experience this to an extent.

I called my mother upset because I just felt I was dropping the ball with the kids because of the raw shock of discovering the affair and him choosing to leave. She said during her divorce when we were young she called it "couch parenting."

Trust me, when I was in HS she went through a baked potato for supper phase
As in three weeks of baked potatoes and nothing else...

We all fail our expectations, but we MUST pick ourselves back up. Sometimes I have stayed low when I didn't need to because I felt so ashamed for being unable to connect. That is getting slowly better.

I don't know if this identifies with you at all. I just know I struggle with it and related to your post.

Maybe instead of guilting myself and setting my self up for more self-recrimination when I fall short, I should say, "I will not be a baked potato mom today!"

(Seriously, you should have seen the condiments my brother and I dished out by week 3).

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

WGB, I am struggling and I don't have any children. You have every right to feel like you do.

I have no advice just lots of hugs (((WGB)))

Posts: 202 | Registered: Apr 2008
Helen of Troy
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

Thank you all. I appreciate your kind words. Oh and the baked potato mom gave me something to smile about as an extra. Now that's a skill to have; being able to find humor in a situation that feels miserable.
It cheered me up.
These days I go take few minutes to cry in private. It feels like couple years ago only not infidelity related.
This too shall pass.

Posts: 4719 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

Yes it will pass Some days are much much harder then others. I've had my extremely low moments trying to do it all. But it does pass.

((Will get by))

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1363 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

Validation maybe. I'm not sure if I want to feel ashamed of that or not.
No, and validation is important. Single parenting is very difficult! There were days I felt like giving up and also days I wondered why I thought having children was a good idea! (I do love my kids and would take a bullet for them, but that doesn't mean they can't make you crazy sometimes!)

((((more hugs))))

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15300 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 13