New Beginnings
User Topic: What do you do to center?
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, September 9th (Monday)

When you are feeling what helps you?

Thank you!

Posts: 1016 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, September 9th (Monday)



Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52771 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 9th (Monday)

A hug and an "I love you mom" from my son does wonders.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Time alone. Sometimes I stare at the wall, sometimes I clean a little, sometimes I organize things. Sometimes I watch dumb tv or read or play numb games on my ipad.

Being alone lets me center.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Different things, but I need to be alone. Stupid computer games. Singing. Cooking. Sleeping.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9866 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Wandering alone in nature following what draws my curiosity.


The words of spiritual people who have attained peace and equanimity.

Hoop dancing.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 10:02 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5872 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, September 9th (Monday)

An intense workout.

A good night's sleep.

A distraction - to put the stressor into perspective. Sometimes that is time with friends, or a movie, or shopping.


Posts: 1326 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: SoCal
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Depends. Things that work for me...

I have little time alone but what I do have is like gold. I either read or goof off on my tablet (damn you, level 79 on Candy Crush!).

Zumba, yoga...just gym time in general.

Time with good friends... ones who really know me.


Driving with the music cranked.

It all depends.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 10:23 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15420 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Hitting the gym. I just turn on the music and get after it.

Actually the gym was recommended by my dr as a replacement for ADs. There have been many studies that have shown intense workouts can have just as beneficial effects on things like anxiety, depression and even restful sleep.

I get pretty serious about my gym though, all notepads and tracking lol. But it gives me that thing I always have that I can control. And a time I don''t have any other concerns.

BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Getting out into nature or practicing my yoga. Both are pretty much the only forms of meditation that I can muster, but they work.

I used to be able to include spending time with my dogs, but sadly, that's no longer an option.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20327 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 11939
Default  Posted: 4:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Running or cross stitching

Married a truly wonderful and loving man Sept. 19, 2010. Not only survived, but thrived.

My new mantra: Argue Your Limitations.‎

Posts: 40985 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Canada by way of Virginia
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 4:06 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Riding, music, exercise, my boys, football (yay!),friends, my wonderful SO.

Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth

Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Walk, journal, bounce things off one or two friends.

Prayer, inspirational readings, moving my body in some activity.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5333 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Finding a bit of peace and quiet. It's hard to find it though.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1363 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Reading, talking to friends, housework, treadmill, games (yeah, right now it is candy crush for me too! OH, and plants vs zombies!!!)

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15302 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Very long walks, talking things out with friends, taking my kids to eat Fro-Yo . Just being outside helps lighten my mood...I can just sit on my deck and watch the world go by and sometimes that helps.

In the early days after S, it was reading. It kept my mind occupied.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I breathe. No matter where I am or what is happening around me, I can always control my breathing and find my center. It grounds me.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25850 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

The gym and when that doesn't work usually just some time to sit down by myself and figure out what is actually bothering me and work through it.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1914 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Nature, meditation, baking, reading fiction

If the is self imposed: list making of the things that I'm avoiding that are making me cuz that is usually what brings it out in me...avoidance

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3219 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

All that stuff.

And Xanax.

D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)


Work out.

Go on a nice long bike ride.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

It depends on what type of .

If I'm feeling too antsy to sit down:
-Going for a long walk with a dog or two or three
-Organizing/cleaning something
-Crafting/creating something simple that doesn't require too much thought
-Sitting by the river's edge, with my dog and having a good cry

If I'm feeling too tired to do something physical:
-Mindless computer games/surfing the net
-Sit out on the back patio and have a good glass of wine and a good cry

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Recently a lot of baking. I am close to perfecting homemade pita bread. Last night my SO was on amazon looking at buying yeast in bulk.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 5:18 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1295 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

A glass of wine and a cigar in a warm bubble bath with a good book. Always brings me back down.


Posts: 2723 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

These suggestions are perfect! Thank you!

I need some serious downtime

Posts: 1016 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 22595
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Tibetan singing bowl.
Somewhere between preforming the focused circular motions and the eerie song that results my mind always clears.

When out on travel..swim at the hotel pool ..or a nice long walk if time permits

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: USA
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Cardio: running, spinning & climbing

Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3344 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Walking by the lake, parking on a bench and just looking out across it. Or looking out at any wide open view of woods or water. Something about the wide open space always soothes my soul.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5329 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 26741
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I have to go to the beach at least once a year, and just watch the waves roll in for a few days. A reminder from the universe that everything continues to move as it should, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this time and space. A little new-agey, perhaps, for some, but I was raised by the beach and the water has always had a strong calling for me....maybe even why I have a pond, a pool and two large aquariums....
and ooohhh, selkie, I have always wanted a tibetan s inging bowl...end t/j

[This message edited by welcome14 at 8:55 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

Nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home- nikki sixx

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: clarksville, tn/ Ft Campbell
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

meditation, running in the woods, meditation, exercising, trail running, meditation.
and the number one: SI reading!!!!!!

Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I watch about 30 seconds of the Maury Povich show every month or so and I feel all refreshed and pleased about how my life is progressing.

I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.

Posts: 576 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 747
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I used to run, very far, when I felt funky and sometimes just to get away from crazy things and crazy people.

I still do run, mostly for the pure enjoyment.

Having less crazy things and crazy people in my life makes that possible!

At mile 20 I thought I was dead. At mile 22 I wished I was dead. At mile 24 I knew I was dead. At mile 26.2 I realized I had become too tough to kill

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: East Coast
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Exercise, meditation or music.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I watch about 30 seconds of the Maury Povich show every month or so and I feel all refreshed and pleased about how my life is progressing.

Running and talking on the phone are mine.

Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 34