User Topic: How did you pick your user name?
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Personally I had 3 devastating things happen to me in less than 2 weeks, the 3rd of which was DDay.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I was at IC and I remember telling the therapist that I felt guilty because I felt lighter, almost relieved after d-day. She said it was because I was working on living authentically for the first time in a long time. So, when I joined I thought, I am Authenticnow.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38030 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Simple... JRC are my initials.

1963 is a significant year, not for me as I wasn't born for 5 more years, but for FWSO.

If I could change it, I think I'd use 1968 instead.

But since we R'd, I'm ok with using it.

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

We own 3 Firebirds. Mine is referred to as the girlsbird.

D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
Member # 15334
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Country music fan.
Rascall Flatts sings a song about "God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you..."
Which seemed to illustrate the broken way I made my way back to WH5.

{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 44
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10732 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

It is my nickname for one of my furbabies.
Of our 5 pets, Gabe is the "character", more often in trouble than not, but absolutely adorable, loyal, and quite simply- mine.

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6527 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I have an online shopping addiction

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 15334
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I just thought you were really really tall.

{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 44
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10732 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Nope, 5'8"!

It really is after sadly. I had a username that I used to use for EVERYTHING and then I used it on a forum where I eventually became a moderator, and realized how completely un-anonymous it is to use the same username for stuff. So when I signed up for SI, I was like, "MUST CHOOSE SOMETHING NO ONE WILL EVER THINK OF" but also panicking to join, so I glanced around my computer screen and spotted my Amazon shortcut. True story.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I had just started taking kickboxing classes about 4 months before DD.

We were on vacation when I found out about his EA and I could barely sleep at all that 1st night. I got up around 4:30 am to go for a run in search of the fitness center, and ended up kickboxing the crap out of a palm tree along the way.

Poor tree.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Nickname one of my friends gave me in jr high, he's the only one that ever really called be that, but it's been my online handle ever since my first aol account and I tried that after several declines in what I wanted for my user name. My luck it said it was available...

What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8932 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, September 8th (Sunday)


If I could pick a new one, it would be WhereAmINow?

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

It's how I was feeling at the time. Still do sometimes...

Posts: 1734 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Tattood because I have a lot of tattoos (over 60 hours). Yes, I know it's tattooed. But many times there is a limit on the length of usernames and I've gotten used to the ood since I first had to use it.

China doll because I'm half Chinese.

Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I Couldn't Sleep. Msybe 2 Hours A Night For Weeks. Went To The Dr And Told Her About A Snd Needed Something To Help Me Sleep That Wasn't Addictive. Just A Few Pills To Get Real Rest For Once.
She Gave Me Trazadone. I Should've Checked The Info First.
Took It. Woke Up Anyway W The Craziest Urge To Kill Myself...Yeah The Trazadone.
Loaded My 45 W The Hollowpoints.
One Of My Cats Jumped On The Nightstsnd Snd Knocked My Bible Over. Coincidence, Maybe, But It Openef To The Lords Prayer.
Read It A Few Times. Took The Bullets Out. Cleared My Weapon. Gave It To My BrotheR Who Is Living W Me. The Next Morning I Dumped The Pills In The Toilet And Informed My Dr.
Still Livin And Breathin Today.
No Pills, No Anti Depressants, Nothing Cuz That Shit Scared The Hell Out Of Me.
joiNed Si A Few Weeks Later.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Because <fingers crossed> I'm gonnabe done with school in 2016. Idk, kinda random.....


Rascall Flatts sings a song about "God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you..."

This is one of my most favorite country songs ever. Bea-u-ti-ful. Now that I've been reminded of it, I'm off to YouTube it for a *fix*.....
eta: Found a *live* performance that's as awesome as the recording:

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 12:37 AM, September 9th (Monday)]

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8081 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I was at a loss for words when I first joined this site. The misspelling is intentional. I got the spelling from an Iron Maiden song called "Losfer Words (Big 'Orra)".

I also like the anonymity. No one in real life knows me to be an Iron Maiden fan, and it's not a user name that I use anywhere else. Also, if you google my SI name, all you'll get is a bunch of Iron Maiden links!

Posts: 7523 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Willie is my dog. I was attempting to be anonymous, since I have no children.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Because, even though I felt like I was dying inside, I was determined that I would rise out of this emotional and financial disaster with a better life...I am an eternal optimist

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Harriet Tubman left behind her husband for FREEDOM! She's my hero.

D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Member # 24302
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Felt really lost and my son was watching the movie Lost in Space and it just fit.

Now I would definitely pick something that included "Badass.".

Me: BW 38

Last DDay: 7/15/09
TT: 2/28/11
TT: 3/5/11
Dday again: 3/10/2011
All Done: Better late then never.

Posts: 3513 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, September 9th (Monday)

When I confronted I told him that he would never find what he was searching for in OW. That I was the best thing that ever came into his life and the path he was going down would lead to him being alone.

That what he was searching for was already standing in front of him at the time (me) and that I was 1000% The Real Deal and genuine.

Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I wanted whattodo, but apparently did know what to do, so it came out as whattodo.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I had two earlier screen names rejected and this just popped into my mind because I accepted a lot of pain in various areas since moving to Georgia and this just topped the list.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Mine was just a statement of fact for me.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13809 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, September 9th (Monday)

When dday happened, suddenly things made sense. Things I had been struggling to understand for ages, trying to figure out why this and where'd that come from and what's that about.

The pieces fell into place and it was a moment of "huh - well, now I know." The 23 has to do with my birthday.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25740 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Mine is part of the name of the river we honeymooned at and spent a lot of romantic time both dating and married. The Tred Avon river is on the eastern shore of Maryland.

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, September 9th (Monday)

And mine is the name of the place we stayed during those wonderful times

BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I wanted something other than my usual username versions, so went with a diving term as it is a hobby (although geez have not gone forever and have never used a rebreather, lol). I was further out from dday when I found SI, so "rebreather" made me think of how I was now able to kind of take a deep breath, and sustain myself with it.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 9th (Monday)

5 long term relationships, five women who cheated. 5 For 5 for real.

BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2988 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
little turtle
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, September 9th (Monday)

little turtle describes how I felt when I found SI. small and slow moving. I knew the road I was facing was going to be a long one.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 9th (Monday)

SI ate the first two I used and wouldn't let me register the SN or use the same email so I just kind of floundered around and typed in "IAmStillGoingHere" but cut that back. One of the first two I tried was SevenDays, don't remember the other.

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7483 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
JKL Vikings
Member # 32094
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, September 9th (Monday)

The J, K, and L are my sons' first initials. The Vikings part is the pee wee football organization they play and do drill for

Her- Alpha Female 40
Me-FWH 42
Married since '02, together since 2000
D-day 2/10/2009
3 sons- J- born Oct 2001
K- born Sept. 2005
L- born Apr. 2008
We ALL have issues. It's how we deal with them that makes the difference

Posts: 524 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 21122
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I got weimies :)

(The dogs, not some kind of nasty disease)!

[This message edited by weimylady at 2:36 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

I edit to correct my mistakes - and there are usually mistakes ....

Posts: 232 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: England
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I was so mad that I had to join SI and I didn't want to be here that when it asked me for my name I pulled an attitude and just wrote Myname.

I really like my name now. It sometimes feels like an Abbot and Costello routine. Oh, and I like being here with you people.

DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3066 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Exit Wounds
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Husband of 17 years had a pregnant gf while I was clueless!
Then he walked out and never looked back. My kids haven't seen him in two years. He walked out on Father's day of all days...

"Exit Wounds"

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, September 9th (Monday)

It was the first name I ever used online, about 100 years ago. I wanted something anonymous but that was still connected to my real first name. Mickey is often used as a nick name by people who have my first name and even though I never used it I thought Mickey Mouse would be a good user name. It was already taken as was Minnie Mouse. Somehow "Minnie" became "meanie" (think Minnie with a phony French accent) and you have meaniemouse.

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2126 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 11224
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Once a long time ago, when I worked at a former job, someone emailed me asking if my company had logoed ties for sale. We were an industrial parts resale company, and for the life of me, I could not figure out why someone would want a tie with our incredibly unknown and boring logo on it.

The domain name of the emailer was stroppywanadoo. I always found great amusement in it, and it was something I could remember. Sometimes I am sorry I took this fun name and assigned it to a sad situation, but in the end, everything turned out just fine. We survived... and thrived!

[This message edited by stroppy_wanadoo at 4:16 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2006
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Long story for a full explanation. No previous user names allowed, had to be something non pathetic or I knew I would stop logging in, had to be something I could personally relate to (genealogy), found a folklore reference to one of the norse gods having a cheating wife as well...

Now it helps to announce to everyone my godlike qualities, namely that I am arrogant, vain, petty, and vindictive.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 9th (Monday)

In the series "The Dark Tower", the main character is on a quest for a tower, where at the top, it will give him all the answers of the universe, all the answers to himself, and save the destruction of the fabric that holds everything together.

At the end, he reaches his destination, his tower, but finds a door marked "unfound" that he must go through in order to enter. He must lay down all that he has, all that defines him and all he holds dear at the door way. Then the door changes to "found" and allows him to enter.

Once he enters, each level of the tower is a memory of his life, his quest, a time, a place, that he must witness, relive and come to peace (or understanding) with.

When he reaches the top though, it's revealed that he's forgotten something...something seemingly insignificant at the time, but imperative to his journey, and he is sent back to the beginning to relive, re-seek and realize that he may have been on this journey a thousand times over, and may well repeat it a thousand times again until he finally gets it right.

I could kind of relate.

[This message edited by unfound at 5:49 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I used to work for The NSA and kernel is a reference to a cover identity I used when I was working in what used to be East Germany, way back before the wall came down. Let’s just say the situation I got into when I was using that identity fit the situation I found myself in after D-day – FUBAR. I lived to never tell the tale of kernel, but found myself FUBAR all over again in a completely different context – infidelity and abandonment. SI wouldn’ t take FUBAR.
JK! After several rejected names, I just put what I saw on my dinner plate – a kernel of corn. But I like the spy story better. My youngest DD would totally get a kick out of it. I really did work for NSA but I wasn’t a spy, there were no cover identities, all very boring. Nothing to see there, but she is so tickled that I used to work there. I got accused of keeping it a secret when she found it out recently. The truth was, it was long before she was even born and just wasn’t ever relevant until all the recent scandals.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, September 9th (Monday)

kernel, you missed your calling. Making up shit like that is the job of <redacted agency> not the NSA.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Lol! Well, I know that, aesir but Hollywood says otherwise. I was just watching an episode of NCIS and about 10 different undercover types pulled guns and one of them was NSA. They must have been working in a different building.

[This message edited by kernel at 7:21 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, September 9th (Monday)

How I came up with my name is actually kinda boring, at least I think so.

Every once in a while I get the urge to write stories. Clarrissa was a main character in one of them. This was years ago and that particular story is now decomposing somewhere in a landfill, a victim of Dday aftermath.

BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 5891 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I'm an avoider of conflict, hard conversations, and calling people on their shit, in every aspect of my life, head in the sand where I can pretend all is well, if I don't see it, its not real, righ??? Headupmyass wasn't available..
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5133 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Being totally unimaginative with regards to things like this at the best of times, I used the first automatic name generator I could find online.

Looking back now, I wish I would have at least given it some thought and tried to come up with my own.

Oh well, live & learn.

Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Member # 26741
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Mine was the login for my laptop that he used to contact women and start his affair. Thought it was appropriate, and it sounds kinda friendly, eh? LOL

Nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home- nikki sixx

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.

Posts: 1218 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: clarksville, tn/ Ft Campbell
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

kernel, you had me going for a minute gah!

I stumbled upon SI about 5 weeks after DDay. I already knew my course of action but was having so much trouble managing the emotional upheaval. I wanted to remind myself that my choice to leave was what was "better for me" while WXH and his family pressured me to make a choice that was better for "him"...

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Mine is similar to Ama...trying to figure out what to do, I look around and see a jar of macadameia nuts. I just shortened it to dameia.

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

The first names I tried were taken. They all had to do with Betrayed I think.

Since the OW has the same first name as me, I didn't want to use it. Not to mention that wouldn't be anonymous.

Lola is the name my nephew called me when he was small since he was mispronouncing my real name.
And I have twins, 2 kids.

Just as and aside, I am so disapointed that Exposed Niblet didn't have some great story behind it. Sorry EN, but I always wondered about your screen name.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 1:07 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I wanted a name that described how I felt in a nut shell, and simplydevastated covered it. I love my screen name. I like being called SD

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

So many mysteries cleared up! There's one more I gotta know, but etiquette prevents me from saying who...

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Well PM them and ask them to post their story.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)


Now I'm totally curious as to who it is.

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I don't care what she says, jrc1963 stands for "just right cantaloupes" (in my mind and how I've always read it). 63 was just a good year

From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)


Unfound, how did you know I had good melons?

End T/j

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

At that moment. Everything was a cluster f*ck.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

When WH was trying to rationalize his "affair," he said he was overweight and was having heart stings. He thought he was going to die, damn it, and he deserved to have a (fake) subservient third worlder worship him! Not that she wants our money and a green! It's true love.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

XH used to call me Spock.

Vulcanization is the process by which rubber becomes stronger. Seemed kinda apt.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Took the name from one of my favorite Maroon 5 songs....

"Look for the girl with the broken smile..."

That's me, I may be smiling to everyone on the outside, but I was a hot mess on the inside.

Thus, the girl with a broken smile.

Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 1542 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

At the time I joined, I was an Office Manager and RN for a pair of Colorectal surgeons. I was known as tushnurse at work, as my boss was tushdr.

I chose this because at the time, I knew work was my escape, and my work would support myself, and kids should I need to D.

Now I am no longer a tushnurse, I am a Care Manager for a patient population that is high risk for future illness, and provide them with the skills, tools, and really anything necessary to make sure they stay well, and improve their overall health.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Was heartbroken to lose relationship with XH over my stupidity and selfishness.

09/03 = wedding anniversary.

If I could pick a new one today it would be different.

Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10


Posts: 2231 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Member # 6037
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Mine took a lot of thought. I was working at a warehouse at the time


If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

Posts: 5374 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: Michigan
New Member
Member # 35454
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

"I'd love to stick around but I'm running behind" -Running on Empty, Jackson Browne
This was the song stuck in my head on d-day and is pretty much my philosophy on life now.

Together 16 years
Multiple EA over 2 years
9 month long EA/PA with my friend.
Dday5-a few weeks later

"I can't escape my own escape."

Posts: 10 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Hell on earth
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Ok now I can say I was waiting with baited breath for tush nurse. I kept thinking of "assman" on Sienfeld and figured it was something like that. I really don't mean to make light of our names, I mean let's face it every one of us was in a dark place when we were signing up. I've really enjoyed reading the responses and feel like I know all of you just a little better.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

Sorry to disappoint, but I can tell you I have an arsenal stocked full of fun stories that will make you die with laughter, and say Ewww all at the same time.

Assnurse just didn't seem appropriate for my work email at the time.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

it's my sister's name. I don't know why I chose it. When I write sports stories for the newspaper her name is my pen name as well. She thinks it's funny. She knows I'm using it here too.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5271 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

Well hell! Another one who's name isn't their name! Lol

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 40612
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

Ben Rector song that has summed up my disbelief over everything that's happened.

"Standing still isn't easy when the world's moving backwards."

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted!

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

Huh, someone mentioned using an automatic name generator. I never thought of that, so I went and tried one out just now, and I got:

Jellyfluff Sugarbreeze Honeycloud

That is SO not me that I am tempted to use it for something!

Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

This is Baxter and I'm his BFF. He likes the same beer as me...

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, September 12th (Thursday) Baxter's..

What a great looking doggie!! name needs no explanation..


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

Assnurse just didn't seem appropriate for my work email at the time.
Could have made you a celebrity, just like Dick Assman the gas man.

I have actually been to that station, while the sign was up.

[This message edited by aesir at 11:21 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, September 13th (Friday)

Mine is one of those that I've since email was first invented. I was studying Russian at the time and after some frustration at not being able to come up with a good email address, I told my husband, "I don't know!" In Russian, "I don't know" is "neznayou" (transliterated of course). It really isn't appropriate here because now I know so much more than I did before. I should have gone with "SeeChas Znayou" ("now I know"), but out of habit went with what I had.

Thanks for sharing the story of your name TushNurse. My guess wasn't far off, but I was still curious. Many of these user names are kinda obvious, but not yours.

Me: WW
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014

"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."

Posts: 307 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: America to Europe
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, September 13th (Friday)

I am known for my 'hard to frazzle' personality.

This week, my friend had a nightmare that her H was having an A. She said in her dream she actually was thinking "I have to call EvenKeel because she handled her D with such eloquence"

Of course she woke up from her nightmare mad as he77 at her poor sleeping H.

Ironically - I don't feel so "evenkeel" somedays!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 9:25 AM, September 13th (Friday)]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2178 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, September 13th (Friday)

"SeeChas Znayou" ("now I know")
Filed away for future use. Thanks, Neznayou!

(ps - Hi, Baxter! )

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25740 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Tush nurse you did not disappoint at all!
One of my dearest friends told us her story of going to a proctologist after child birth and she had us girls crying with laughter, so I can only imagine the stuff you could tell.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 13th (Friday)


SMY he is a pretty doggie. Hope things are well with you.

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

I like the name... and it is 2013. Very original, haha.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

In my marriage, I was always playing Nikola Tesla to his playing of Thomas Edison.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

tesla, is that a diss of Thomas Edison? After all, you've told so many stories of how "brilliant" your ex is...

BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 5891 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Tesla, yours has always been one to my favorite usernames, and I just assumed it came from Edison's idiocacy... Glad to hear it does!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Tesla, yours has always been one to my favorite usernames, and I just assumed it came from Edison's idiocacy... Glad to hear it does!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 15334
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Long story for a full explanation. No previous user names allowed, had to be something non pathetic or I knew I would stop logging in, had to be something I could personally relate to (genealogy), found a folklore reference to one of the norse gods having a cheating wife as well...
Now it helps to announce to everyone my godlike qualities, namely that I am arrogant, vain, petty, and vindictive.

Yes, but how (and this has been debated among a few of us ) do you PRONOUNCE aesir?

My guess is "AYE SIR". AmIRight?

{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 44
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10732 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

I think it is pronounced the same as the cheap laptops.

I also spelled it wrong because my keyboard does not have Æ.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Oh. I thought it was Ass-er.

My name pretty much explains itself, I think.

ETA: Waywardon agrees with the Acer pronunciation.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 12:14 AM, September 16th (Monday)]

Posts: 11743 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, September 16th (Monday)

TIKY, it only gets pronounced that way when somebody calls me wise.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, September 16th (Monday)

FWS was a Military Dog Handler in the Air Force. They have a saying "Once a K9 always a K9".


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Mr. Kite
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, September 16th (Monday)

While registering for this site I was listening to the Beatles 'Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite.'

It always struck me as such a sad, surreal song and it fit for the mood I was in at the time.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

After reading for months, I registered a few days after our anniversary. I was looking at the 14 red roses WH had delivered on our anniversary, so picked that as my name.

A month later, I found out he had talked to her on our anniversary (and every other day since Dday 2) - and now hate the name.

WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 9046
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I didn't want to be sad/broken, etc. for years to come, and I was pretty angry and kept thinking "who is angry yet not a victim?" and thought of riot grrrls

The spelling echoes how much I was grrrr-ing my way through life then.



Me: BS (39)
Him: WS (40)
Married: Six years, D Day 11/8/05
Divorce final: Nov 06
Two gorgeous sons: 10 and 8

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: KY
Member # 18445
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I have no imagination- I am a teacher and I had 5 kids.

Posts: 416 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 40382
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I picked the name Cardinal because it was my mothers favorite bird.My mom died 2 years ago and at Christmas time I put a little cardinal on her grave. I also LOVE the color red. I was pretty messed up the night I joined this club of wonderful people. I had been in bed crying for 3 days, my eyes were swollen shut. I had a couple/few glasses of wine and spelled cardinal wrong. I spelled it cardinal. Oh well, true story.

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Calif.
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

My dogs names are Sparky and Sable. Sadly, Sable has since passed from cancer.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3410 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Don't Wanna Be Here

Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I've always felt that life can be very good and simple, that people are the one that makes it more complicated than it has to be. Hence I felt I am simple cause I feel it's really easy to understand that for every action there are consequences. Whereas if my FWH was ever to join I would've told him to use "Complicated".

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I am SO boring.

HFSSC= My initials and my state of residence.

I bet if you think really hard you can guess how JM picked his name. (JMSSC)

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2780 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I signed up 1 month after dday. My bday was coming up and I was just thankful to get to see another one.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

My childhood nickname, translated to Dutch. If my H ever reads or joins, he would know me in an instant.

Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Don't Wanna Be Here
That makes a lot more sense than any of my guesses, DWBH.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25740 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 33902
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

My life, and the date it happened. Not very original I'm afraid.

BH: 46
fWW: 45
Beautiful 8 year old daughter
Married 22 years, Together 28 - High School Sweethearts

Posts: 87 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Michigan
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

A look back at the first tjme I was faced with infidelity. Long Ago, Far Away.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I suspect "ICannotFuckingBelieveThis" was rejected. I remember trying several before this one.

I was in so much shock and rage when I joined I'm amazed my name isn't BallsInABlender.

I don't love it but it is good to be reminded of where I was then and how far I've come now. I'd love to be able to change our names though. Not that I can think of one.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Im boring.

I was confused..and we were married on June 15.

Still longer confused.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7682 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

well I was sad and I like cats....

Pretty simple really. I even forgot to capitalize the "S"

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.

Posts: 13259 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

I believe it was very soon after dday, maybe within days?

I was in shock, I couldn't accept that this was possible.

I remember thinking, "h would not do this, this can't be real"

It just popped into my head.

Everytime I type it I remember how I felt then...

Kind of wish I could change it now. Maybe to, never mind, it would probably be rejected!

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1422 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
New Member
Member # 38513
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Mine is so ridiculous.

I type really really fast and HATE to edit.

So being that I am trapped financially and that we had been together for 25 years it was supposed to be Trapped25, but because I didn't edit it is Trappe25....uggh

Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

H and I had just spent a week together at a hotel together to begin R, and and I became hopeful but was still deeply hurt. Others already had variations of HurtButHopeful, so I added a *?* to mine, since I was tentative whether Mr. HBH had it in him to endure the rollercoaster ride of R.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

c~letter of my first name

Of course, "see me go" as the double meaning, and yes, he did see me go.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 40852
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

I didn't want a user name associated with anything else I do. So I picked something I like and the year.

Plus, if this is google-able, I suspect you're going to get about 25 million fruit hits before you ever get to a user name.

Me: BS
Him: WH ONS/short EA
Married 11 years
Together 15 years
2 children

Posts: 64 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Bump! 41000 to go...

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Well during the A I was working for a landscape company, one of my jobs was plants stock manager.

I chose Ninebark because it is a very hardy plant that can withstand extreme situations and has a bark that peels off to reveal something new and wonderful underneath. So I feel like a Ninebark.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Mine is easy...

When I got here I was still consumed with the karma bus hitting the OW.

I now know I was way off. I intend to get my membership so I can change it, just not sure to what.

I am so not creative.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 32446
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

It was exactly the way I felt at the time. As though I had been merely filling in for the one he really wanted

In limbo
Il ne faut pas toucher aux idoles: la dorure en reste aux mains. - Flaubert

Posts: 145 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I wanted something that summed up how I felt in a nutshell. Simplydevastated seemed perfect.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I picked mine because I felt like I didn't have anyone who understood what I wanted with our marriage. All of my family and friends want me to just pack her shit and tell her to kick rocks. Sucks when you have plenty of family around and you feel like you have no one to turn to (No12turn2)

[This message edited by No12turn2 at 2:09 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
New Member
Member # 40694
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I am 41 and the day I registered my account I was looking out the window and saw a chipmunk run by...

wake me up when it's over...

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

It is from the Bhagavad Gita. I like the combination of the words, although it has a negative meaning.

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I was looking out the window and saw a chipmunk run by...

Glad I didn't use that methodology. 2DogsScrewing would be pretty awkward

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I ran my first marathon in May during his A. That was a sinch compared to getting out of bed every morning since dday

Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."

Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Mine is pretty obvious. Since this is my second marriage with a cheater, my trust is gone and I don't think it will ever return again. Plus everyone shortens it to TG.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Because I had to keep telling myself to "just breathe." Also, from the song by ANNA NALICK, "Breathe (2 AM)"

The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 37173
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

It's a mix between mine and FWH names. I have second guessed that choice several times

Me: 40
FWH: 51
Married 12 years
DDay: Jan 2012
A: One year
S: 6 weeks before he pulled his head out
R: March 2012
On the bumpy road to happy

Posts: 67 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: USA
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

That makes a lot more sense than any of my guesses, DWBH.

Yeah, I had no idea what all the acronyms were when I joined... I'm sure most folks think my name is Don Walton, or something like that...

Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

My WH calls me Lady.. and says it with love .

BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 90 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Do I even need to say anything? DS and MH assigned me this name due to my awesomeness.

My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.

Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Do I even need to say anything?


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I was thinking they need to teach a class to High School Students and college students about infidelity. Was wondering what they would call it...

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I was thinking as a child, sometimes the grass would look all nice. Then walking bare foot you would step into some innocent grass and hit a patch of those round stickers. I called it a prickle patch. As they would get in my feet. I liken this whole ordeal as a big principle patch. Painful and not knowing where to step to get out of it.

sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 313 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Some things about the nature in my yard, that I will have to leave soon.

Chances are I will ask to change it when I'm in a new place.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

"Spell" is because I proofread and edit med-legal reports all day. "jean" is the short form of my middle name.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Very unoriginal of me but it was how I felt at the time ( still do somedays)
Plus it wouldn't let me pick thissucksass

Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

My user name, which was too long, was going to be this:

Hope2BeNotVomitingAllTheTime His A made me so sick to my stomach, and vomiting is a normal reaction to me during times of great emotional distress (the death of a person or dog beloved to me, the death of our marriage).

Now, depending on how I'm feeling, it might be something like these:

Hope2B(fill-in the rest)

Sometimes, I'm just Hope.

Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

He was already working out of state, early in our marriage. I was having suspicions, and he planned my all time dream trip to cancun. Took the children. It was a dream come true. And he spent his time chasing and trying to be near or with a young 20 something girl. It was my first real look at seeing it happen right before my eyes. Our kids were 5 and 10. ANd they were also watching. it crushed me.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 951 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

My picture was in the paper once, and I was a silhouette shovelling snow in a storm and the caption underneath said Lonely Silhouette. I thought it fit for here.

Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

My WH and I always loved the old justice league cartoons. They had the Wondertwins- a brother and sister that would clink their magic rings together and change shapes to stop the bad guys.
One of them could become anything water related- the other could be any animal. I will demonstrate-

There's a fire. They clink their magic rings and say "Wondertwins- Activate!" One twin says "shape of... A bucket of water" the other days "shape of .... a monkey!" Then the monkey grabs the bucket of water and puts out the flames. Problem solved!

It was our thing. Anytime we had a problem, we would come up with a plan of action. If we both agreed it was a good plan, we would clink our wedding rings and say "Wondertwins - activate!"
Yes... We are nerds. It was one of the reasons we ended up together.
We have done it since before we were married and it has always gotten us through tough times- well, mostly. My wondertwin counterpart stopped clinking rings with me for a bit.
But we are back on track and now... Clinking our rings is what we do when we have just finished a great R conversation and are both ready to step back into real life.

Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
New Member
Member # 41122
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

It's a play on my name. My name is not even spelled remotely close to "Goo-see" but everyone seems to want to pronounce it that way.

Either "Goose", "Goo-see" or "Gee-see", somehow.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Oct 2013
New Member
Member # 39855
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

It's how I feel/felt.

Me: 23

Him: 29

Together 6 years.

DS: 2yrs

Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"

Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday

Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I try to be hopeful. Given the lemons we've been dealt, what else is there to do but make lemonade?

Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Cuz sometimes I am barely surviving. Just existing.

Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Two months before dday, June 2012, my dad passed away and left me his black jeep. That summer my amazing son took it home to fix it up. When I picked it up in Oct. it was transformed into a hot pink Barbie Jeep and pretty much the only thing that made me smile in 2012. It feels like my dad sent me a gift to help me deal with this mess.
I don't normally swear, but my dad sure did, so when I am driving the Jeep I just feel totally justified in letting it all come out. I might look like a nice old lady driving along, but I sometimes am just swearing up a storm, Jeep therapy?! It cheers me up.
I found SI shortly after picking it up and it felt like the pink Jeep was the only thing that wasn't messed up in my life, so I was clinging to it for dear life!

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Part of my name, plus my age at the time. I didn't want to be negative with it but I sure as heck didn't feel positive when I registered so this worked for me.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2450 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

My username came about because I got "burned" by my ex H, and I am Canadian (canuck) and I have dabbled in the emergency services for years as a firefighter / EMT. No longer do it full time as I changed career directions but its still who I am, a part of me I felt was lost in my relationship years.

Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Member # 29126
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Well, I figured if my wife could have her mid-life crisis, then I'd have mine -- so I went out and found a 21 year old German. She's beautiful, with amazing curves, and she's a lot racier than my wife :)

If I want recovery, then I must allow for it to actually happen.
Is it possible that I actually do have all the truth now?

me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15

Posts: 276 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Thessaly is the homeland of Achilles in Greek Mythology. And I just happen to know another guy with a fatal weakness.

Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014

Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Well, because after I found out about the infidelity I was dropped like a cold bag of sick and got.... No Answers!

Ta Daaa!

And I like the number 37, although no relevance

Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

My H's nickname for the OW was princess. He actually had her saved in his phone under that name. So of course, I am noprincess. And you know what? I'm not a princess in any way. I'm scrappy and tough and self-reliant. Last week, I ordered a drain pump for my washer from ebay and fixed the damn thing myself. Yeah, I'm noprincess.

"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Meet Cinnamon. plus its a play off the Neil Young song.
(eta because the first image didn't appear)

[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 10:05 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 513 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Member # 41157
Helpless  Posted: 10:12 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Married young 17 years ago. My W and I were each other's first. She is still my only. That meant something to me, guess not to her. Reminded me of an old song, "One-owner heart"

Posts: 205 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Four Kids, forever faithful.

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I wanted something that's like no other username I've ever had. I thought this was appropriate, because it's the nickname for a world champion ice dancing team, Meryl Davis and Charlie White (therefore, they are sometimes referred to as 'marlie') whom I hope will win the Olympic gold medal in 2014 in Sochi over their rivals, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir (also sometimes called "Voir" by skating fans).

I'm a pretty rabid skating fan and since Virtue and Moir already won gold in 2010, I am rooting for Davis and White this time. Do yourself a favor and youtube their "Bollywood" performance from Vancouver 2010 Olympics. You'll see why I'm a fan!

BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I was stunned in 2012 ---
I had suspicions/questions in 2010/2011 but 2012 was confirmation.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 36408
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I am what I am, I feel sometimes that I will never be wise, having been fooled for what seems like forever. I am getting older though!

Me BS 54
WH 55
Married 34 years
2 grown sons
2 PA ? EA's didn't develop due to discovery

Posts: 85 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest USA
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

We were everyone's "perfect couple". Inseparable.
Seldom was one of our names spoken without the other. It was always "Jim and XXX"

Looks like now it's Just Jim.

[This message edited by justjim at 12:21 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 8408
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Because the stuff I was going through felt like a wild ride, like a roller coaster. And I hate roller coasters.

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: SoCal
New Member
Member # 40319
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I wanted something more positive even when I feel down and negative most of the time. A friend of mine, P., contracted colon cancer in her 30s. She was raising 3 young children ad had a very devoted husband. The treatment just wasn't working well and it was just a matter of time. Another friend of ours, T., saw her last driving down the street and as P. drive by she her hand under her chin and pointed to T. to keep her chin up. I always think of her in hard times that if P. could keep her chin up through all that, then somehow I can find a way to keep mine up too.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I suppose 'Truly' just sums it up. For me it has always been about the truth; honesty and integrity are, and always have been, important to me.
Also, I am 'Truly Scrumptious' anyone remember that character...? Yikes!
and I oscillate between being any number of wonderful Trulys and I own them all!sometimes I am:
Truly angry
Truly pissed off
Truly happy
Truly sad
Truly hurt etc etc

and he is...

Truly stupid! lol
Gosh, I needed a chuckle today so for that I truly thank you x

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens

Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I was in a daze and when I thought of how crappy this year has been starting in January with an accident my dad was in, going on down to Dday (me being sick, my mom being sick, etc...on and on and on) it was like "this just freaking tops it off." That and I was thinking of alcohol and "top 'er off" but I don't even drink. I wanted to pick it up but thanks to some allergies it would probably kill me faster than others.

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 33622
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

When I finally booted him out and said that he couldn't live here with me and the kids if he was going to be involved in an EA/PA and do nothing to change...well, I'd grown a pair of balls.

BS - me, 38, WH - 40
Kidlets 6 and 8
DD1 - I love you but... Jan 2010
DD2 - 5 Jan 2011, booted him out
R attempted April 2011, False R
DD3 - 5 Sept 2011, booted him out again
Dec 2011 - living together as a family
Jan 2014 - separated...AGAIN!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: UK
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I didn't find SI for 2 yrs after d-day.

So I was still suspicious!

And I might just be this way for quite a while!

(that and I don't have a creative bone in my body )

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Didn't want to give up, and just living was in consideration.

WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 777 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

After D-day, I saw an image of a man trying to stand on marbles. Of course you can't stand on marbles and that was how I saw fWH at the time and how he really was. I didn't want to reinforce anymore weakness in myself so I choose standing on marble as a way to encourage strength in myself.

At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I used the five digit passcode for MangleHeart's luggage...

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17100 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I tried another name and couldn't get on the site, so I just put my initial, his and both my sons

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

So many mysteries come to light! Yay!
Mine is pretty simple. I'm beautiful and it's never mattered one bit. Inside...outside...two different men in marriage and I wasn't enough for either of them.
Now, I'm empty because it's really hard to stay human after 20+ years of almost constant fuckery.

Hopefully I won't always be this way.

Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I tried "betrayedforyears" but it was taken. So, I used the Italian translation. Ciao

Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 429 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

The "broken" part is obvious. :( I have danced most of my life, - ballet, tap, theater, etc. I thought "broken dancer" was kind of a word play on "break dancer", although my old ass can't break dance at all! I just like the number 7.

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

Its what I want to do.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

My youngest called me Boss Ass Bitch when I confronted STBX after my girls discovered his cheating. I was born in 61.

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Shiloe is the name of my horse.

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Because I am scared of WH, my future, and what will happen.... He has broken our marriage vows, and I'm finally broken down and giving up on him...

BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

I was hurt but not so much that I can't be repaired. Working on on it.

Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

I was just a few weeks out from Dday and was pretty sure I wanted to try to work on the marriage, but still feeling devastated.

Madhatters, M 31 yrs
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Greek mythology...the Phoenix a bird gets destroyed and dies by fire then rises from the ashes and is reborn/ renewed...seemed appropriate being that it feels like he really burned me to my death living through all this...but I'm hopeful I will rise from the ash restoring my former glory and beauty

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

When I first found SI, I considered my family to consist of myself and my four children. I love them dearly and I kept going only for them.

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

I used a random username generator because I didn't want the username to have any possible link to me.

Well.. I did cheat a bit. I selected the one I found the most amusing out of several.

Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 842 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

It's a combo of my high school mascot and my college colors. The 4 was because Gmail already had purple jacket 1-3?!?

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2242 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Found SI within a Day or two of Dday and moving out.. Just how I felt...
Mostly not so lost and have found hope again...Yay..

Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14

Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

I've had a lot of early childhood trauma and as a teen identified with the Pink Floyd song, "Comfortably Numb." outside of early abuse (by someone I had lived with then, not my parents), my dad was also a serial cheater. when mom would find out the world became like that song to me. Unreal. Surreal.

I thought I had left such type trauma way behind until I was struck numb again by encountering the email that proved my husband's affair. A very weird moment. It was like I was in the corner of the room watching my body read it.

[This message edited by StruckNumb at 1:18 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

I stress bake. My kids teachers and my neighbors get lots of treats.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
Used Again
Member # 16567
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

My wife had several affairs and I stayed to care for my children; didn't know about SI until last couple of affairs. She USED me to take care of everything else while she was screwing her boyfriends. Hence, usedagain was chosen since I had been her back-up plan for her affairs.

My wife has friends in low places.

Posts: 325 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Coastal Georgia
Member # 42196
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

I'm just a fool in pain. Came pretty easy.

Me: BS 31
Her: WS 29
10 years of marriage
12 years together
3 kids
DDay:January 16, 2014

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NW US
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

I am a Chef and it's my nickname combined.

ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Lost - because wasn't sure which way was up when everything came out.

Samurai - I study martial arts and always wanted to live by a code of honor.

I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Member # 41475
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Blindsided: "to take somebody unawares suddenly, with detrimental results to that person."

I think blindsided may have already been taken, hence the transposition of the word. At any rate, it fits so I wear it.

Me: BS, 56
Him: WH, 51, possible SA.
3 kids, 19, 17, 15
M 21 yrs.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

on an island
is how i felt when i found out about the affair- alone- alone- alone- stranded

we had moved away from family and friends about a year before the affair began- so the isolation again felt apt

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Mine is Latin for "I stand alone."

It works.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 32051
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)


Jan 29 came home from a business trip to an empty closet and a note on the bed. ILYBNILWY

Mar 3 she filed

May 4 divorce final

July 13 she tells me about A and we decide to R

Aug 15 we remarry

It all just seemed an unbelivably fast trip in six and a half months

Me: BS (51)
Her: fWW (50)
Married 27 years
Two sons in college
Empty closet and note on bed Jan 2010, She filed for D Mar 2010, D final May 2010, Actually had D-Day and found out why it all happened July 2010. Remarried on 23rd Anniv Aug 2010

Posts: 1498 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Dallas
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Just getting caught up on these. I love the creativity at a time when our worlds are coming to an end.

Purplejacket4 - I always thought your username was because you wore purple scrubs. I always pictured you making rounds in a purple lab coat.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Because I feel shy and scared (mousy) and from the Midwest.

It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 354 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 25965
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Patriots fan, former season tix holder
1st DDay was in 2009

T-18y M-15y
2 children (dd-13, ds-12)
1 EA/PA 5/2009-10/2012 (with multiple ddays)
Final dday 4/10/14
*went from EA to PA while we were in MC for over a year.

Divorcing his broken @ss

Posts: 99 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: USA
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Mine is so dumb compared to all the creative names here.

I think I read one single post, and was soo happy I found a forum that I could relate to, that I signed up right away without looking at the usernames. So I always liked the name jackie, 89- year I got married!!


"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 507 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Meet a friend. I was a children's librarian.

I just like cats better. And K seemed to fit. Yes, I'm aware there isn't usually an "e" after the r.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 9:47 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3657 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

Deena spelled backwards is "a need" with out the space

I had many needs when I joined SI.

[This message edited by deena at 12:55 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3052 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 41792
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

It describes how I feel...fractured...but fractures do heal if given enough time and attention...regular wound cleaning etc

Dating since 1997. Married since 2004.
DDay: 09/12/2012
4 OW from 2006-2012. Discovered all @ once.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: South Africa
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

I promised my BW that I would get on SI. At the time, I was a complete mess and couldn't come up with a good username. I refused to delay getting on until I could come up with one, thus, NoGoodUsername. She got that account and password too.

Is anyone else finding this thread triggery/therapeutic?

Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 252 | Registered: Aug 2013
New Member
Member # 42267
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

Due to his stupidity...made me want to stick a fork in my head. Seriously, why be in a relationship and cheat? Now I would settle to stick the fork in his head.

Just when you think it's safe to go into the water. Life steps in and takes a big bite. Let me rephrase that to a HUGE bite out of ones ass.

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: northeast
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

I was recently baptized when I learned of my W affair. All I could think of was, Lord has a plan? Not so sure.....

D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 35483
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

When I joined I really felt like there was nothing to save, meaning the marriage. Turns out I was right.

BS (me) 45
WS (her) 45
Married 17 yrs, Together 24 yrs
2 kids (S 14, D 10)
DDay 1/29/12 (OM #1)
DDay #2 11/19/12 (OM #2)
Divorced 04/14
Two EA/PA confirmed. MANY others suspected. Much like her, the actual total doesn't matter.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: To Be Determined
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, February 3rd (Monday)

Suckerpunched was already taken. There were no words I could think of that would describe my pain and complete bewilderment.

BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 38 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 759 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I love to travel and my parents don't. One time my mom said to me, "I don't know where you got that gypsy blood! You're always flying off somewhere." So I became gypsybird. '87 was my high school grad year.

I've used this name for a lot of different things. If my XWH were to poke around on SI, he would recognize me immediately. When I first joined, that never occurred to me. Then for a little while I worried, now I couldn't care less.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 914 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 41580
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I chose undertherug because that is where I swept everything.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

nickname one of my marine buddies gave me years ago.

Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Melian is a character from Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien. 40 is my age.

DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"

Posts: 208 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Dystopia is an imaginary place where people are unhappy and not treated fairly. I just felt like I had entered my own dystopia- but it wasn't imaginary. Now- I'm on the road to my own life back, my own happiness, my own new beginning, and my own better place. But for SI- I will always be myowndystopia and work to keep myself out of that dark dreary place!

Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain

Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I didn't want to reuse a user name so I made one up on the spot, more or less on impulse.

WH's LTA lasted nearly three years. In fact, OW would constantly refer to that fact in her emails and voicemails -- I guess it was a point of pride for her? WH didn't like it and in fact gets nitpicky when I refer to his three year A since it was officially two years and ten months!

And I felt like a fool when I first registered. I got played, big time. I kept second guessing myself for not acting on my suspicions and for believing WH's lies.

Except in my darkest moments I've moved on from the self blame.

Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 164 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I knew that I would work very hard to forgive my H even if we didn't reconcile but I vowed to myself that I would NEVER FORGET especially if we did reconcile. My H's 8 year LTA to me was an indicator that he had deep-seated issues. Anyone who could lie and cheat and live a double life for that long was someone who I believed I would be crazy to trust fully ever again. I could not let myself ever forget what he was capable of and to this day, I hold onto my memory of his years of deceit as a means of self protection.

D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

The day I registered I was so damn upset that I could not stop sobbing. I just layed on my bed hysterical and crying these big sobbing tears. I was so overly emotional. Emotional woman just didn't sound right so.....hence the name emotionalgirl.

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I wanted it to NOT reflect anything about my ex or the pain he gave me. I wanted it to be about ME. ME ME ME. At the time I didn't know who I was anymore. I was dead. I was a ghost. I dimly recalled a piece of myself from years gone by, and remembered that it gave me pleasure. And thus I named myself.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Mine is what my fWH sometimes calls me. He has no idea this board exists and has no reason to look for it or me. But if he did, he would know immediately and that's fine as I have nothing to hide.

There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 557 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Because I say YES to keeping my PANTS on and being loyal. I was tired of crying when I signed up and the thought of my username made me smile. Not exactly sure felt powerful at the time, like a big statement.

Me: 35
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 283 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I am a major old-timer. The Phoenix in the Harry Potter book rose out of the ashes. It was before the movie. It turned out to be true!

There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1669 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

On DDAY I came across a picture of OMs dick while I was looking through my wife''s phone as she slept beside me... It felt like being punched in the face.

I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2166 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I wanted a username that felt hopeful and positive, even though I was devastated. On some level I wanted to believe that this too would pass.

Right after dday, I kept saying that I was in the biggest storm of my life. A friend off handedly said "there's always a rainbow after every storm" and so I chose my username.

There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, February 10th (Monday)

I have an online shopping problem.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 41139
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, February 10th (Monday)

I feel like the life (I thought) I had has been abandoned. At first not by me and now it seems like it's long gone.

BW (31)
WH (32)
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Lol Amazonia....

Mine is self explanatory, I was sad...

On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, February 10th (Monday)

After DDay I started to physically twitch. My hands shake now. Sometimes my eye twitches. I shake my foot. My teeth chatter at odd times..

"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, February 10th (Monday)

I turned 50, and my husband blew off my birthday. Two weeks later, I went in for a checkup, and was diagnosed with hpv. Nice 50th birthday present, eh?

[This message edited by hpv50 at 7:07 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: DC
Member # 23360
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, February 10th (Monday)

The A had become a monster in my life. I was afraid it would destroy me... Us... 6 yrs later my name has proved true.

Me BH 49 her FWW 49
Dday June 2, 08
Married 22 yrs at time of A

Posts: 197 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 39228
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I think Patchy came from me feeling like I'm falling apart. A bunch of irregular, uneven, random pieces of fabric.

Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013
New Member
Member # 40708
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

What I ate after dday

Dday1 - June 2013 admits EA
Dday2 - June 2013 broken NC minutes after agreeing to reconciliation - only found out 3 weeks later
Dday3 - July 2013 broken NC
Dday4 - September 2013 broken NC
Dday5 - January 2014 broken NC admits PA

Posts: 50 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Online OW had user name of "realgood" and WH thought that was so racy. Pissed me off. Told him she may be "realgood" to her internet audience, but I have been "real good to you".

Gets shortened to RG2U sometimes...makes me feel like I belong in Star Wars.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
Member # 34109
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, February 14th (Friday)

oh, thanks, marlie2014, now I'm hooked on youtube vids of ice dancing!

Posts: 358 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, February 14th (Friday)

It's what I want to do.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, February 14th (Friday)

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:3
It was supposed to be beautyFORashes but I had forgotten it so I typed in beautytoashes5. The 5 is because I have 5 amazing & beautiful children.

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Mine: self-explanatory. Truly, I was blindsided. I never would have guessed in a million years that he would have had an affair with his ex-girlfriend, let alone two times!!!!

BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
New Member
Member # 42065
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, February 14th (Friday)

The song Madness, by Muse, has been playing on the radio a lot, and I needed something that wouldn't identify me. Having never paid much attention to the lyrics, I just like the idea of being Madness' Muse because of all the craziness of my marriage.

However, I recently really listened to the song, and it seemed more appropriate than I originally thought...

Madness, by Muse -

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

I can't get these memories out of my mind
And some kind of madness has started to evolve

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

I tried so hard to let you go
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

I have finally seen the light
And I have finally realized what you mean
And now I need to know is this real love
Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had
Like some kind of madness was taking control
And now I have finally seen the light
And I have finally realized what you need

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

But now I have finally seen the end
And I'm not expecting you to care, no
That I have finally seen the light
And I have finally realized
I need your love
I need your love

Come to me, just in a dream
Come on and rescue me
Yes I know I can be wrong
Maybe you're too headstrong
Our love is...

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jan 2014
New Member
Member # 38601
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

mine is just how things happened, she had a affair in 2010, and never told me until 2012, so, i was betrayed 2years. at least

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: p.a.
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Mine came from a conversation I had with X before I had confirmation of the affairs and he was projecting all matters of his woes onto me and actively sleeping with a 22yo college student at the time. We have 2 teenage girls and one of his "justifications" was that I was not attractive anymore and maybe I should consider plastic surgery so he can be proud to walk in a room with me and be a better "role model" to the girls. That phrase stuck with me and when I discovered his multiple affairs I went back to that phrase and thought how dare you say I wasn''t a good role model. I know that I am the best thing for my girls and they have the utmost respect for me as a mom and woman no matter the crap he said.

BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 363 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

It seemed trendy at the time.

Actually I was shocked it was still available.

DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Mine came from the massive yell-fest I had on D-day. As I was making him leave, he said he wanted the kids and I. My reply "Well, if you want us, you ditch the b!tch, fix your shit, and then we'll talk. It's all or nothing, sh!thead!"

Such a way with words...

Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 187 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Listened to this Coldplay song a lot at the time. I really wanted to be rescued from the horrible pain and for him to make everything safe and help me feel like I was worth something. Every line says something to me. (Major self esteem issues....working on it.) Still love the song. I was born in 71...FixYou71.

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
New Member
Member # 41888
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, March 24th (Monday)

The OM gave my wife a golden bracelet with a heart-shaped charm on it engraved with the words "1st X."

This was a gift to commemorate the first time my wife destroyed my heart and our marriage after their fist sexual encounter. Now, I consider myself as having an 'X' placed on my heart forever.

[This message edited by Xheart at 9:56 PM, March 24th (Monday)]

BS (me) 44
WW 41
Together 26 years
Married 24 years
Affair Began Mid-October 1994
D-day: Mid-October 2013
Affair End Date: March 20, 1995
OM Suicide Date: March 20, 2009

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Omaha, NE
Member # 41724
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Couldn't think of anything that wasn't taken - couldn't really think of much of anything at that point actually.

Its a combination of some letters from each part of my name - easy for me to remember but I don't think anyone could guess what the actual names are from it.

Me: BW 50
Him: WH 50
Married 21 years
Four awesome kids
EA Began 6/2013 PA 8-9/2013 (4 meetings) DDay 9/10/2013
OW : "friend" - older, fatter and uglier than me.
Working on R

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: usa
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 4:50 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

AP and WH both work in a jail where affairs are rampant and the guards are big on covering for each other. In fact, encourage the selfish behaviors. Due to the security issue, I really could not do much in terms of finding info or stopping the A. It was like it's own little fantasy world vacuum.

Hence, I used the term as a verb as in I was "guarded" by them and also how I felt I would forever be since the affair destroyed every sense of trust I had since I was completely shocked and blindsided. I lost my faith in the goodness of people.

In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
New Member
Member # 42830
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Spatz is the German word for Sparrow. I chose it for several reasons:

(1) My STBXWH is German.
(2) I like what the Sparrow symbolizes - freedom, love, dedication, trust, loyalty, protection, and joy, among other things.

The username represents a combination of my past and the future I hope to create.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I was cocooned for months after D-Day, shutting out friends and family and having no idea who I could trust.

But I had separated and filed when I found this site, so I was ready to start flying again..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 40502
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Mine was a word in an email I received. Has no special meaning.

BS/Me (58)
WH (58) 3 years behind my back. EA & PA
OW (57) Old high school friend
1 Adult Child
DDay: August 26 2012
5 Ddays since then.
The 5th was a total Nuclear Meltdown
Reconciling. Sort of. It's not him. It's me.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: East of the Grape Vine
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I love this thread. Mine is the same username I use everywhere! Livejournal, instagram, twitter, my defunct OLD account. I like it because it lets me feel like my identity here is the same as everywhere in my life--I'm not in some box as a betrayed person. It comes from the only nickname I ever had in childhood; the dad of my best friend and neighbor used to call me norabird sometimes, and I always liked it. So when people use it here, it feels really familiar and comfortable!

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I knew one day I would get through the devastation period and wouldn't want to be saddled with a name that brought me down.

It helps that I found this forum several months after Dday.

Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

This is my second name, my first was literally how I felt at the time of registering.

I'm grateful I had the opportunity to change it because I no longer feel that way and the constant reminder is a negative I don't need.

vivere is the Italian verb 'to live', 'to be alive', 'to endure'. Much more appropriate

You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I picked name from a character in Bernard Cornwell's Saxon tales book series. Uhtred of Bebbanburg is a rough character who forged his life through much pain and sorrow.

He has a scar from each battle to remind him of his life. I identify with Uhtred because I bare many scars but I'm still here swinging and chopping through this fucking mess.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I wish I could say I had a better story, but when I signed up, I was still very raw after d-day. I was on no sleep, pretty drunk, and just a mess. I wanted a name that expressed that immense pain that plagued my very soul. After trying a few combinations and getting "this username is taken," I gave up on the first use of "soul" and "pain," or at least a synonym for pain, that didn't belong to someone else.

So yeah, that's my story.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Member # 20158
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Picked it because everything NPD WH said was a lie.
His version of reality was/is a lie, he lied to himself and believed everything he said. I swear he would pass a lie detector test!
But…I knew the truth and even if that was the ONLY person that knew, it was still true.

”This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”-Shakespeare-Hamlet
Forget the pants,( you weren't wearing them anyway!)
It's liar, liar SOUL's on FIRE!!

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: illinois
New Member
Member # 41413
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

My user name is a line (not verbatim) from Carly Simon's song "Coming Around Again."

You pay the grocer
Fix the toaster
Kiss the host goodbye
Then you break a window
Burn the souffle
Scream a lullaby

The song is also the theme song to a film about infidelity (Heartburn), which came out in 1986.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

AT the time...all I had left was being a mother.

Since as long as I can remember, I have always focused on the future and being hopeful for it.

Not the greatest thing when after an A, you need to focus on the here and now.

Me-BW 39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Member # 42637
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I value truth and understanding of the whys and hows of everything in life. I am a scientist and I am continually researching articles to see what science has to say about things. I try to remain open to new ideas when old ones are shown not to be true. It is a motto I always try to live by. I used to be very stubborn when I thought I was right about something. Now I am very open to new ideas. To living and learning from others, from myself, and from research. To not judge others because until you have walked their footsteps, you can't fully understand the steps they took. To strive to do the best you can. To make the most of the situation. I used to be an eternal optimist. Now I am a reality checker. I try to take a step back from the situation, breathe, and do the right thing. I am always living and learning how to do all of those things better. So I guess there is a lot more than I thought behind such a simple name.

Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013

Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I was thinking that R was the right thing for me to do and none of my family or friends agreed.

Posts: 629 | Registered: Sep 2012
New Member
Member # 38601
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

hello all, the name says, i was Betrayed 2 years before she confessed to her affair, and all the hurt started all over again,but she still holds back some of the details ,and that's where we stop the trust, i have told her over and over, please tell me the whole story and the truth, but here i am 4 years after the affair, and still no closure for me..and i still have to put up with the fact she contacted a S.T.D.(GENITAL WARTS)

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: p.a.
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

Im a "car guy" and I was driving down the road a just so happen to look down at my instrument cluster and gauges.

BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

All through our marriage, when things would get bad, I would remember how wonderful he was back when and it would give me hope to keep going.

So, on Dday, I just couldn't believe how he had forgotten all about me. Especially when I had tried so hard to remember him.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
New Member
Member # 40714
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

I was in shock, I kept saying I want time travel.

What I wanted was to either go back in time and change my life or speed through to the future when I knew I would be in a better place. Didn't care which option, just didn't want to go through this.

I also didn't know then that TIME is the other 4-letter word.

M-27, 2 great kids 20's
DD#1 1/10
DD#2 8/13, same COW

When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard & steep. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Kahlil Gibran

Posts: 12 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

Before I get to why I need to share I felt everyone and everything had turned on me. The day after DD I took everything that was from our W and anniversaries, made a pile in the yard and burned it. For a long time I wanted nothing to do with the opposing sex.

I chose my username because after a couple of years of isolation, hating myself and everyone around me I wanted change - get my shit together, grow up and move on. I eventually found SI and decided it was Time2Grow.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
Member # 42671
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

From a recent post of my own:

I am WinterBranch because shortly after DDay, an icestorm destroyed the pine tree in my yard, planted by my FIL, who died long before I knew my WH. All night long (just a few nights after my WH had a violent midnight visit and I changed the locks) I listened to those branches breaking like gunshots and was too scared to get out of bed to check it out. I still haven't removed those branches, because when I walk the yard and smell the fresh-pine smell, I think of renewal, instead of the dread I felt that night.

It also reminded me of hope, because as winter fades, that brittle cold branch warms and leafs anew in spring...I hope to do the same one day.

Me: Woman. In. Pain.
Him: Skittle-Sucking Toad and Con-Man.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, April 12th (Saturday)

Interesting and fun thread OP!

Mine's pretty self explanatory - I was always always looking, checking up, investigating, thinking, making notes, recording, you name it, while he's sitting right next to me even.

When I could lay eyes on him, I was curious who he was texting , what he had cooking up etc. I was living and breathing the search for the truth. I was even dreaming about it. Him cheating or lying or whatever. Read never a good dream. ---on a regular basis. Hence the 24 (hrs) 7 (days a week).

I could literally think about nothing else and it was exhausting.

Every word out of his mouth I was suspicious of. What time he's coming over, where he really is (until I had find my iphone), basketball games, the way he held his phone, the look on his face, the movement of his eyes - The list was never ending.

It was my life. Looking back that is really hard to admit.

Therefore, I was "suspicious" about his whereabouts or statements, or motives , 24 hrs a day - 7 days a week.

Talk about all-encompassing. I'm now 1 year out since I ended things for good. And though I still look for info sometimes , bc I'm morbidly fascinated that he is dating a miss " national level large pageant title" and how he's able to hold on to her. Or what their relationship is like.

I suppose to know whether I contributed to the madness aside from putting up with it.

Which when I thought about it , told me that I value her more than myself. I expect her to leave his craziness and mind games any minute, while I thought that was what was in the cards for me. The Best I could do.

Took me shy of four years to realize I'm better off alone. Even it I don't have one single person to call a friend, it's better than not having peace of mind.

Sorry for the tangent. Felt good to get it out though . And I want those of you who are still in a state of unrest or uneasiness of the mind, to know that it will get better!!

It takes time , mind you, and patience is your best friend. but one day you'll be able to look back on this awful time in your life and actually be grateful that it happened.

Good luck on your journeys
(No longer) Suspicious247

Eta no longer

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 2:30 PM, April 12th (Saturday)]

Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 41837
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

I got me a Doberman and I'm female. Love that dog!!!

Me- BS 44 Always faithfull
Him- WS 44
2 mo. EA/PA with 25 yr. old slut that stroked his ego, online profiles, CL ads
Married 8 years-No kids together
False R many different times fromJan/13 till Dec/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern Indiana
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

From Oklahoma , twisters are the norm around this time of year, and I'd like to think I'm a little different

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 911 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

SWAT for what I do for a living and 70 is my badge number.

Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Posts: 336 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
Topic Posts: 259