New Beginnings
User Topic: Family of 4 across the street
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Sitting on my porch soaking up some sun and feeling a little blue today.

As I'm sitting there, the family of 4 came out of their house smiling with their gear in tow, off somewhere to do something on Sunday.

I watched them with a familiar longing that gets to me every once in a while. The longing to have what they have. And also miss what I almost had. There was a time when we were a family of 4 that got into our car smiling on a Sunday to go for a family outing.

yes, it was years ago. I never had that again. Now my boys are older and I am 99% sure I never will.

Doesn't mean my life won't be fulfilling, but its something I've always wanted, had at one point for a very short time and it was gone.

On days like today (when I'm feeling a bit blue) it makes me sad.

that's all.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, September 8th (Sunday)


Life will bring new and different joys.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17810 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I struggle with this almost constantly. I chose to move into a family oriented community so my kids would have a sense of normalcy. After all, we always lived in family friendly communities.

But, that means there are happy families everywhere. The worst one today? I'm outside repairing my fence, hurt my shoulder trying to repair something out of my physical league, and up pulls a huge SUV, out piles a cute husband, cute wife and two cute kids. All wearing football jerseys. The neighbor's door opens and they all come out (cute husband, cute wife and two little ones) and all hugging and laughing and I realized they are getting together to let the kids play and watch some football.

It felt like a knife. Something so ordinary. I must have been a part of that scene a hundred times while married. I miss it.

I know I have little to complain about, and I do like the life I have built for myself...but occasionally, I just want that familiarity back.

We did fun things today, rock hunting, soccer, playing with friends, repairing a fence, now taking a break from studying. But....still....I do long for those "family" days sometimes.

(((click))) totally get it.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4182 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, September 8th (Sunday)


Hope tomorrow is better day!

M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Any family makes me wistful. I chose not to have that.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Other people's lives are never as good as we think they are.

And our lives aren't as bad as we think they are.

My Blog:

Posts: 4228 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

click and cmego -

My eyes welled up reading your posts. I totally understand.

I had that too, for a fleeting moment I had it. I know I will never have it again.

Posts: 1274 | Registered: Oct 2009
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Oh yeah. I know exactly what you are talking about.

To bastardize a Led Zepplin song, What Was and What Will Never Be Again.


[This message edited by Dreamboat at 1:14 AM, September 9th (Monday)]

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17683 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I guess I'm old enough to not miss the 'family' stuff. DS is grown and married, so it would just have been the X and me, and I don't miss him.

I like that I can do anything I want, whenever I want, but there are somethings I won't do by myself, like walking around the city at night for Friday Night Out, and I really don't like going to bars by myself, but I do enjoy listening to music and having a few beers...

Life is a series of gives and takes.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20281 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I totally understand this.

I also felt pain on Saturday when I wished my parents a happy 45th anniversary, and once again it hit me how my children will never have the chance to say that to their parents.

D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, September 9th (Monday)

(((click))) I got to the point where I felt I didn't miss that anymore and had a good fulfilling life without the family scene, but over the summer we had that a little bit with my new bf and I realized I did really miss it, I had just buried it since it wasn't an option.

I understand and I'm sorry.

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I saw your title and just had to read that. My XH was a truck driver, never had any time for the family, and this was before I knew about most of the cheating. I was a lot like a single mom, even before I was really a single mom.

I used to look across the street with a bit of jealousy, watching the dad BBQ steaks, while they all had fun together in their back yard, watching their family be that family (mom, dad, a girl and a boy about the ages of my kids). It was what I always wished I could have had.

And then one day, while still with my XH, we happened to go to an outing in a nearby town, and stopped for a bite to eat around 11:00 PM in a restaurant. That neighbor guy was also there, and with another woman!

It was not long after that little shocker that they split up and the family I envied no longer existed. It's dumb but thinking of this brings tears to me even now. I divorced my XH in 1992! Even so, I think my dream from the time I was small was to "have that family." I never did, of course, but my life is good, and I got some other surprises I never anticipated or expected.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Broken hearted61
Member # 34931
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, September 9th (Monday)

It must be a theme this morning. I think a lot of us felt the same thing this weekend. I know when I am not in a relationship I always notice how it appears the whole world is coupled off...kinda like Noah's Ark.

BGF (50) me
WBF (50) him
DD#1 02/23/2012

TT 03/19/2012
Working on R (03/21/2012)
It's over: 5/5/12

Posts: 223 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
New Member
Member # 37090
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I recently rented a trailer in a nice family park so I could give my daughter a nice experience. I was saddened every day looking at all families, young and old, going about their day. You never really know what goes on in someone else's house and what their lives are really like together but I think that it is normal to envy those families, for what was taken away from us so cruely.

ME-BH (52)
HER-WW (52)
Married 16 years,
together 20years
One beautiful daughter.
DDay #1 - 06 Apr 2011 EA
DDay #2 - 01 Feb 2012 PA

Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Is it wrong that I go completely the other way on this? I actually enjoy my time with my 2 kids by myself and don't miss those days as a family of 4. In my case we were the family that looked great on the outside but there was ALWAYS some conflict going on internally. A trip to the store or the beach... didn't matter. Someone wasn't going to be happy. Now I get to do what I want with my kids, when I want, how I want, and I love it. No compromising or arguing just things the way I like it. I am not discounting what other are saying, I just don't miss it. I gues when I see those families I see beneath the facade into what is likely really happening before they step out the door and once they get into the SUV.

Maybe I'm jaded, maybe it hasnt' been enough time, i'm probably projecting what I felt onto other families. My post wasn't meant to lessen or detract from anyone's feelings. I honestly worry at times because I don't miss that stuff. I was the Dad that did everything but WW alwyas found something not quite right with the way I did it. Now I continue to do everything my way and I like it.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 9th (Monday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25716 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 9th (Monday)

click and cmego -
My eyes welled up reading your posts. I totally understand.

I had that too, for a fleeting moment I had it. I know I will never have it again.

I could have written this. And I feel the loss for my children so deeply and painfully.

Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Thanks for the hugs and understanding. I see I'm not alone in these occasional aches. Some days its more noticeable than others, no matter how much time has passed.

[This message edited by click4it at 12:24 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I'm with 7yrsflushed on this one.

Our outings now are so much more relaxed and fun. No arguments, no stress, we do all kinds of things.

BF has made it a point to be a part of my DS' life in all things. He comes on these trips and we all have a great time.

No our family is different but we make it work now so much better. But yes I do see your point as well. ((hugs))

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 32519
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I am with 7yrs on this.

When the ex-husband left, it was like a black cloud went with him. I so much more enjoy spending time alone with my son then we ever did as a family the three of us.

There's no arguments, no sulking, no looking at the husband always checking his phone to see if he had messages from the mistress, no looking at the husband pissed because he has to spend time with us.....

Sure I was very limited financially at what I could do with my son. But let me tell you, the memories I made with my son are the most precious ones you can't buy. I have those memories, not ex-husband. He has the memories of walking out on his family to be with his whore.

Me: now 38
Him: up and left for OW
OW: old maid mid thirties with biological clock ticking, desparate for a man.
Divorced the cheater - 8/2011
Married the most AMAZING man - 10/2013

Posts: 796 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: NJ
Member # 39074
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

beingmiranda, I could have written your post word for word!

It's the same way with my daughter. The memories I am creating with her are far better than the memories of when we were a family of three. My ex would sulk and pout whenever he had to spend time with us, especially when his whore was in the picture.

Although the pain of the rejection still stings at times, I know my life is far better without him in it and I love the time I have with my daughter. He can have the memories of walking out on his family and the chaos he created just to be with a stupid, ugly, crazy slut.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Kentucky
Topic Posts: 21