SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: So he wants MY wedding rings back
lost4now
Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I have not posted in a while. Things have been beyond crazy for the past several months as I await my final release from the hell I have been living thru over the past 6 years now! Our divorce is no where in sight yet.

My STBXH moved out of our marital home in January and got an apartment after his 5 (going on 6) year affair with the same OW. Our agreement through mediation was for him to continue paying our household bills and me continuing to feed, cloth and take care of our two daughters. He stopped paying the cellphone bill two months ago and I finally got a shut off notice. My 18 year old heard the shut off message and asked me about it. I explained that her dad stopped paying for it. I didn't know what I was going to do about it. She phoned him. He didn't like that very much. He yelled at me and said I should have told our daughter that it was between the two of us...not her. That may be true but she is old enough to know what was going on, unfortunately heard the message and sad for him....she has an opinion.

He told me things are tight for him and he is struggling to pay the bills. This is in no way my fault. He could have lived with his parents for FREE and saved himself alot of money but he wanted his privacy so he could DATE his OW!!!! He had the guts to ask me to take my diamonds to the city to sell them and help pay the bills!!!!!!!!! Really!!!! Giant fucktard! He made all of these bad choices! Not me. How in the world should this cost me??

I told him he would have to take me to court to get them from me!!!!!!!!!!

I can't make this stupid shit up!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

lost -

My X did something similar while we were going through the D. At one point, he sent an e-mail telling me he wanted my engagement ring back.

Though I wanted to say more, I simply told him no.

He responded with an email saying that since we were getting D'd and obviously the ring didn't mean anything to me anymore, that if I wouldn't give it to him then I needed to sell it and apply that money towards the money he owed me.

I had plenty I wanted to say to that, but I simply answered back that it didn't work that way, and no, and that he needed to continue paying everything he owed.

They are simply self-centered jerks who decide that sine things are tough for them, we should do things to help them out and take care of them just like we always did.

No. Just no.

I actually suspect that mine wanted the ring back so he could take it to the jewelers where he purchased it and use it to "upgrade" to a new one for the OW, since the jeweler gave a guarantee of being able to trade in the ring towards upgrades. Ha! Never! (BTW, he never married OW either, but that's another looong story...)

The best thing you can do is just ignore these idiocies he comes up with. I guarantee that one won't be the last. He'll try to bluff and bully you into things that benefit him. Ignore and move forward, and hold his feet to the fire.


Posts: 2323 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Whatever THe law is clear - you engagement and wedding ring are *yours*.

My ex wanted them to give to OW#2. I *sold* him my wedding set for more than I could get at a pawn shop but less than their insured value. I felt it was a good compromise. Crank whore then got another woman's engagement ring - he didn't even have it reset. classy. don't know if he got it back from her....

These people are ridiculous.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15252 | Registered: Jun 2006
lost4now
Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

The rings he wants me to sell are NOT my original engagement ring and wedding ring. He gave me these rings years ago to upgrade my originals. These rings are worth close to $20k. I have not worn them in two years but they are still mine. I do plan on selling them in the future but I plan to save the money they bring in as an emergency fund just in case I don't have money for something important for my children.


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

The rings he wants me to sell are NOT my original engagement ring and wedding ring. He gave me these rings years ago to upgrade my originals.

Check with your lawyer about whether or not these still count as wedding bands/gifts or if they are marital property. I still don't think he can demand you sell them at this point, it just means it would become part of the divorce agreement.

I still think that they count as yours.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15252 | Registered: Jun 2006
lost4now
Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

My STBXH says his lawyer told him that they are marital property. And that may be so but I think it is rather LOW for him to want me to sell them! That takes a giant set of nuts to ask me to do this seeing as HE had the affair, HE got himself an apartment he can't afford and HE wasted 5 attempts at R!!!!!

I have been run thru the mud and put up with enough of this crap. I can't believe he wants to take the rings too!!!!!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
BeyondBreaking
Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I would tell him to kiss my butt. Asking you to sell your rings to help pay for his dates with OW is one of the worst things I have ever heard of.

Why doesn't he ask HER for money?

Look at what the OW is getting...seriously? A guy who can't afford to live by himself, is broke, and asking his ex wife to sell her diamonds. What a keeper!!!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
lost4now
Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Beyond....oh he has money!!! He just doesn't want to pay things for ME and essentially our kids!! He bought her a 52 inch big screen TV last month! He has taken her to concerts and I believe he is helping pay her bills! He may be tighter than he is used to but he is by no means broke!

He may in fact have given her $25k back in 2011 to pay for the house she bought!!!! I am working on trying to get to the bottom of that one!

He is a unbelievable!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Ummm.... Can you get proof of all that money he has spent on her? Because all that money was spent from marital funds. If your rings would be considered marital property, then any money he spent on her should be considered money he appropriated from marital funds, and should be counted towards his half of the settlement.

Honestly, even if it turns out the court doesn't count the rings (and as a gift to you, most don't...), funds he spent on her and/or the affair should be accounted for as much as possible.

Getting the proof is often the hard part.

Unfortunately, the mantra for most cheaters when it comes to D and settlement is "what's mine is mine and what's yours is ours".

Given what you've said here, I'm thinking a forensic accountant might be worthwhile... it's at least something to discuss with your lawyer.


Posts: 2323 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

In my household, we have a little French saying. It came into being when my toddler son, having heard me utter it once or twice, started saying it to the cat.

We say, "Quel dommage." (Or, in my son's case, "Quel dommage, kitty!")

It's code for TOUGH SHIT.

So, to the entitled cheater who entertains the notion of collecting his wife's jewelry (yes--it's YOURS) to pay his bills, I offer: Quel dommage, Douchecanoe.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8339 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
lost4now
Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

osxgirl.....I have borrowed moneny from my parents for the retainer for a lawyer who will be pressing for a forensic accountant based on what I am finding out about my STBXH.

The complaint letter is being drafted now and it will be sent to STBXH in the coming weeks. He will be totally blindsided by this and probably completely lose his shit!!!

I did not want to do this. But my STBXH has been bullying me about money and says one thing in mediation and on our agreement and then changes everything and threatens to not pay for stuff. I just can't deal with this anymore. This is my one shot to get what I should out of this marriage and divorce and I am not going out without a fight!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Crickets.

Those rings were gifts to you. If you do sell them, the money is yours.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3539 | Registered: Oct 2011
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

lost -

Good! If you can show he has been spending that money on her, it should go a long ways in helping you get what you should in the settlement.

And since they were a gift, those rings should definitely be your personal property and not counted in the settlement. But... if for some odd reason, it looks like they will count as part of your "half" of the settlement, make sure you sell them before the settlement is finalized and keep the records of how much you got for them. Why? Because resale value on diamonds, especially wedding sets, is low. They will appraise for MUCH higher than you will be able to actually get by selling them.

But check what your state says about gifts and what is considered personal property. In most states, I believe those would still be completely yours and not subject to division.

Unfortunately, this kind of slimy behavior is pretty typical.


Posts: 2323 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

They were gifts; they were not conditional gifts. He is not entitled to them or any proceeds if they are sold. They are yours, pure and simple. Do not let him bully you.

Fuck him.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19808 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I'm pretty certain engagement and wedding bands count as gifts and not marital property.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7125 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
sammie
Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

What? You lost weight you say? From being stressed and having your life ruined by a cheating cockhead? And the rings FELL OFF in some unknown location???

Well, isn't that sad.


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

good one sammie!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2124 | Registered: Oct 2012
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Sammie to the rescue!


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8339 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

What? You lost weight you say? From being stressed and having your life ruined by a cheating cockhead? And the rings FELL OFF in some unknown location???

Actually if you live in a no fault state and can't use the infidelity, this would be a good way to bring it up and use it to show his character and how he treated his family.

That's what my attorney did and it worked.

The rings were a gift and there is no judge on this planet who will make you give them to him.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4701 | Registered: Feb 2008
Fooled Me Twice
Member
Member # 34824
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Yeah, mine asked for my rings back no less then three times throughout our divorce process. He was insistent that they be counted as part of my settlement. I just kept repeating my answer of no. He must have finally talked to his atty about it bc he just all of a sudden shut up about it.

Just goes to show you who they are - fucking losers! Good riddance!


ME: BS 33 (now 34)
HIM: WS 33 (now 35)
OW: 22, howorker (now 24)
July 2007: Porn found on computer along with profiles on dating websites.
DDay: January 16, 2012 - suspicious since Dec 2011
Divorced: June 11, 2013

Posts: 209 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Here and There
Topic Posts: 20