SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Remind me...
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Remind me that I made the right decision!
STBX is textbombing me with his regret (not sure it's remorse)...but admitted he just slept with OW a "few days ago".
Ugh!
I am so over all this stupidity!
Is it bad when I just roll my eyes at his texts which are full of his deepest emotions (gag)?
I finally told him I am done talking tonight and stopped answering him.
The sad thing is, I am not even really *hurt* so much as disgusted and exasperated.

The more I see the more I am relieved that I filed last week. I am still very sad about the loss of my marriage, but good God, how much can one person take before just walking away?
Remind me that I am doing the right thing!


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

regret does not equal remorse.

Every time you respond you give him what he wants, which is your attention. If you are sure of your decision, then don't respond to his texts. Put the phone down and walk away.

(((hugs)))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5567 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

When you've made the decision to leave and file. You know there's nothing he can say, do, or will do to fix the marriage, the best is as CG said NC (no contact) for your own sanity and healing. You didn't come to the decision easily to leave there were many valid reasons.
Words mean very little when they come from someone that has lied and betrayed you.
Now it's about your healing and moving forward to a new beginning.

Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20322 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I posted the Final S email exchange recently, I urge you to read it. Look at the pretty words. Read them and soak them in.

Do this knowing that 20 weeks later he told me he was ready to introduce his 24 year old office gopher to my then 2 and almost 5 year olds as his girlfriend.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=500928&HL=35229

He is showing you who he is. Believe him.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Honey - you know you are.

Gently, NC is your best friend right now. You do not need the drama he's trying to foist on you via text. Turn it off, tune him out, and find your peace. (((((myperfectlife)))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24350 | Registered: Aug 2011
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

he just slept with OW a "few days ago

^^^^^^ REMINDER^^^^^^^

he may have regret but a remorseful WS doesn't continue to sleep with the AP.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8404 | Registered: Apr 2008
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Yes you are all right, thank you thank you!
Also, I am wondering... how much is regret and how much IS DESPERATION!


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

You are doing the right thing to protect yourself and your boys. When you're done, you're done. I think you have hit the nail on the head - he is desperate. NC is where you need to be now - concentrate on you and stay away from his noise. His actions are telling you who he is - you need to listen to it and believe it. NC.

[This message edited by kernel at 8:59 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4907 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Read the article in the healing library "Regret vs Remorse":
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_ws.asp#FAQ10

And "Guilt vs Remorse":
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/guilt.asp


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
AStar
Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 4:57 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Myperfectlife, please be strong and true to yourself.
You filed for divorce and your WS is still busy with the AP- this tells you you did the right thing.
It's always sad when a marriage ends, but you can not make yourself happy with a cheating spouse in tow. You need to heal- cut this negative person out of your life.
(((Myperfectlife)))


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Aesir, Your name is showing up as AStar.

ETA or you are not Aesir.

Move along - nothing to see here....

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 5:49 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
nomistakeaboutit
Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

STBX is textbombing me with his regret (not sure it's remorse)...but admitted he just slept with OW a "few days ago".

Here's your reminder. ^^^^^^^^^^^^


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

he just slept with OW a "few days ago

Um... that isn't remorse!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

He just wants his cake. Wah wah wah. If MPL divorces me I won't get my cake!

FTG.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Thank you everyone.
I think he is beginning to feel remorse. Still a lot of guilt and definitely desperation.
I really liked this:
Remorse GIVES.
Guilt sucks giving out of others
.
He said he went NC with OW this past week but I have not checked up on it *because today I don't care*.
I told him yesterday to stop texting me things about how he feels and that I need to know when my text goes off that it's only about the boys.
He apologized and said from now on it would be only about the boys. He's stayed true to that so far, although he asked if he could smoke a cigarette with me today and I told him no. He said ok.
Tonight he took the boys to dinner and when they got home the middle one gave me a lot of grief about going to bed. I texted him and asked him to call middle child. He did, and explained that my son needs to respect me and why I was doing what I was about bedtime and to try to be understanding because I never asked to be put in this position and it was only because WH made a lot of bad choices and didn't step up to the plate as a husband and dad that the situation is what it is.
So, I guess WH does have a few redeeming qualities.
Of course, he can still co-parent as an XWH. :)


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 15