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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Poll of sorts: No remarriage after divorce
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I know a lot of us (male and female and WS/BS) say we will never remarry after divorce, but you know anyone that never did? It's my opinion almost everyone says that, but eventually changes their minds. But I do know people that never remarried after divorce.

-My brother (BS)
-My father (BS/WS)
-My mother (BS/WS)
-X BIL (BS/WS)
-My X FIL (WS)
-a friend of mine's XH (divorced for non-infidelity reasons)

All of the above have been divorced for a least a DECADE and didn't change their mind so far at least.

I'm in the "never marry again" camp, but wondering how many people actually stick to that. Just curious...


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Let's see...

my godmother (BS)
a male colleague (unsure)
one of my closest GFs (non-infidelity)
one of XWH's cousins (non-infidelity)

Those are the only people I can think of who haven't remarried (all D for more than a decade). Everyone in my family who has gotten divorced is now remarried (same with XWH's family except for the one cousin), and any colleagues or other friends of mine have gotten remarried. I think the statistic says that 75% of people who divorce will remarry. I can believe that when I look at who I know. The single folk are definitely outnumbered.

I'm keeping an open mind, but I'm not inclined to get marry again.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 4:36 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 5th (Monday)

A supporter and dear friend of mine was left at the altar and though not married, she never took the chance again. It is 45 years later and she is content being "Ms".

My father is going on 15 years
and though with a GF, still cannot let himself trust. I think it depends on so many factors and personality is one that I think of in that list.


I've thought and said it also, but wonder if it's something we say under fire of the pain we suffer?

What I do know, is that if I ever let myself do that again, it would be in a very different way...no prenup probably, but many more separate things and different ways of being married.

I try to think that it is still a positive entity of life, but for right now even a relationship of the sort isn't even on the table...trust in the human race is too far gone for me.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 5th (Monday)

My grandmother D in the 40s from my grandfather. Never remarried. He married OW and they were married for 30+ yrs.

FT's dad died and his mom remarried (short abusive marriage)and divorced. Never remarried.

It was 9 yrs after my 1st D before I remarried and was married 26 yrs the second marriage. I was fine being single.
I'm at 5 ys D/S and have no idea what the future will bring. I'll be fine either way. I just miss being a couple and sharing my day with someone. My marrriage wasn't great but we did share about our day with each other most of the time except towards the end when the affairs startd.

[This message edited by gma56 at 4:41 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I think everyone I know personally who has divorced, has remarried.

College friend (BW, remarried an asshat)
XMIL (BW, remarried after 20 years with same man)
XFIL (WS, remarried and D, remarried and D.....)
Uncle (non-infidelity D, remarried)
Aunt (BW, remarried)

I think I could be remarried one day. Eyes would certainly be wide open going in! I just wish I could skip the part where I have to date all the "frogs".


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 5th (Monday)

It's less of a priority for me now, but is back on the table as a possibility.

The people I know who have remained unwed for an extended length of time are more anti relationship, than anti marriage.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, August 5th (Monday)

My sister, divorced about 20 years and never remarried, but it's just because she keeps picking the wrong guys to waste large portions of her life on. I know she wants to remarry.

I am up and down on whether I want to or not.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
mom of 2
Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Thanks for the replies.

The people I know who have remained unwed for an extended length of time are more anti relationship, than anti marriage.

Interesting concept!


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I'm with Tryingagain74, I'm not inclined to marry again, although I keep an open mind. I can't envision myself married or even living with anyone, though. I can't even envision spending the night with someone, and I have a fairly vivid imagination. I can't even envision WANTING to.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Those I know who never remarried:

great aunt(she's been a widow around 50 years)

great uncle(he's deceased now but was a widow for probably 40 years)

Both my grandmothers(near 30 years and 13 years)

These marriages all ended because their spouse died.

I've been D/S for 5 years. I say I will never get married again or live with anyone. If the right person came along I might change my mind but so far that hasn't happened.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Me. I remarried. See where I am now.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I am 8 years out from D. No desire to marry. Looking less likely as the years go by. I see no good reason for it. I'm done having kids...to me the biggest reason to seal your relationship with a written contract.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Almost everyone I know remarried after D.

The only exception (so far) is my Uncle. But he remarried after D#1, but it did take 10 years. He was married for 10 yers and after that divorce, swore off dating and marriage. I don't know if infidelity was involved in either case. Not sure if he dates or not. He is super private.

Me, I haven't sworn off remarriage. However, it's not a priority for me.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 10:09 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I've been D for 5 years. At the time, I swore that I would never re- marry, but now, I think I would like to have someone in my life on a more permanent basis.

Maybe not marriage, but long term cohabitation..... I'll have to give this some thought.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I've been D for 5 years. At the time, I swore that I would never re- marry, but now, I think I would like to have someone in my life on a more permanent basis.

Maybe not marriage, but long term cohabitation..... I'll have to give this some thought.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 5th (Monday)

All of my friends that D'd are fairly recently D, so no remarriages yet, though one is now living with and has a baby with her bf. The other good gf refuses to get M again so far, says she doesn't even want to live with someone till her kids are grown -- she's been with her bf for 2 years and they still live separately. We'll see! My cousin D'd after an early and fairly short M, and just recently remarried nearly 20 years later. No one else in the family has D'd -- I caused quite the scandal. Thank goodness said cousin got married under even more "scandalous" circumstances so she took the heat off. I thanked her profusely.

I am open to M again, but I don't need it and it would take a lot given the financial complexities -- I now own my own home, have 3 kids, and once I finish my degree will be making good money. So tying myself financially will be the hurdle for me, not the relationship aspect.

OMG you know what I forgot! Both my ex-ILs never remarried, after D'ing when my ex was 9 or so. Have been divorced now far longer than they were married. Neither has even had a long term relationship since that I know of. I didn't even think of them. How funny!

[This message edited by peacelovetea at 2:45 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
ExposedNiblet
Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I've been divorced over a year now. I will most definitely be one of those folks who never remarry.

And that's okay with me.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, August 5th (Monday)

My mom never re-married. My parents D was over 20 years ago for non infidelity reasons. She us happy and has no desire to be married or in a relationship. She said she didn't date initially because my sister and I were in our teens and would not have been very accepting of her bringing someone new in. Then she said she grew to really like her independence and didn't want to bother with it.

She is 71 and has traveled all over the world. She has a ton of friends that she travels with. She is very active and looks fantastic for her age. She said she does not miss having a man farting in her bed.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 924 | Registered: Mar 2013
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I personally don't have strong feelings one way or the other. I would like to find a long term relationship one day, but it doesn't necessarily have to be marriage.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 924 | Registered: Mar 2013
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

STBX's parents divorced when he was young and both went on to remarry and have been with their partner for 30+ years. No infidelity involved.

My Aunty's first marriage ended in divorce due to infidelity and she remarried a few years later to my uncle and were married for 39 years (until he passed).

Interesting poll results. I haven't given it much thought but I think I am still open to marriage.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I don't know anyone who's been divorced for very long and hasn't remarried. A few years, maybe 12 tops, but they all remarried or haven't been divorced for long yet.

I don't EVER want to get married again. Never, ever, ever. However, my attorneys laugh at me (in a friendly way) when I say that. They say, "You're so young. You'll get married again." I guess maybe I could change my mind one day, but right now that seems so unlikely. I can see wanting a boyfriend, but not living together or getting married. I want my place that he can't mess with and I want him (there's no him right now, but I mean eventually) to have his own place. Overnights maybe sometimes, but not living together. No way. Who knows what the future will bring though? I feel so certain about it, but I know I might be wrong.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

My exwh just remarried

I will never say never but I have every intention of remaining single. I have no interest in pursuing another relationship to be hurt and heart broken again. Ask me tomorrow you might get a different answer. But right now men are not my favourite species I am sure there are good ones out there but I can't see them.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1361 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I personally don't intend on doing it again. But as the others said "Who knows what will happen" I do know I would be very content cohabitating. But the legalities that come with an official M and subsequent D have soured me to the suggestion. I am more than able to take care of myself. But I do get lonely from time to time. I guess I'm leaving my future up to God. If he wills it, I'll be there. If not I'm happy with that also.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5732 | Registered: Nov 2007
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Both my parents remarried - 25+ years to their new spouses.

My Aunt D in the 70s - She's been with the same man since the 80s but they have never married

I truly could give a rip one way or another if I remarry. It is not important to me. My SO proposed. I said yes. We haven't set a date. No reason in particular. He has a combo of commitment issues and deeply religious upbringing so he's conflicted. I left my M stunned that my X cheated. Totally floored and then to realize he probably had been for most of our relationship...whoa. I know that something I thought was 'safe' can end in an instant. Being M doesn't change that. So I don't care. If it really does become an issue for my SO, I will marry him. To me...meh...


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

My divorce was final in January 2001 after 13 months (should have been done in 60 days!). I thought for sure that I'd remarry. I really loved being married (until I didn't love being married to HIM). I had a few relationships. But none that inspired me to make it official in such a way.

Eventually I lost interest and one day realized that getting married again was actually not on my radar anymore. At this point I have absolutely no interest in sharing my home, time, finances, family, etc. I'm perfectly content alone.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3086 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
hoya96
Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

My (new) mil divorced my fil in 1987 when she found out he was having an affair with his secretary. She has never remarried, and the few times I have seen/met her, she has complained very bitterly and vocally about him - her ex of over 25 years. Meanwhile fil is on wife #3.

The entire situation is very sad.

I re-married fairly quickly (after a lot of IC and pre-marital MC with my new husband) but if I did not have my children living at home (who asked constantly when I would marry him and are GIDDY to have him as "dad") I would probably be content to just live with him. I was outvoted by him and the kids.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man.

Posts: 329 | Registered: Jun 2010
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Marriage has never been a goal of mine. I really never expected to be married to XWH - I got pregnant and we got married - nearly 24 years later, we got divorced.

It's been 8 years since the D was final and I have not had any desire to be married again. I do have a wonderful relationship with a man and we are in the process of trying to merge our households. Neither of us feels the need to make our relationship legal. We love each other and are committed to each other - don't need any government interference in our relationship.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Topic Posts: 27