User Topic: I moved out this weekend. I guess I belong to this forum.
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I moved out this weekend. I am scared to death living on my own with a young son. However, it still feels right. I feel lost, weak and emotional. But I just don't want to go back the way things were.

Now that I have made this move, I just don't know if I want a divorce or not. But logically, it is what is best for me.

I have so many emotions. I don't know how to feel about it all.

I can say, that I think he lied about not having a place to go. He said that he would be sleeping in his car although I gave him more than a 45 day notice before moving out of the house we rented together. I think he said that just to get me to let him stay, but in the end he had a back up plan and moved in with someone. I don't know who or where this person lives, but it doesn't matter. I washed all of his clothes. Got him clean pillows, blankets and towels. He left the towels and blankets and pillows and took his play station. That tells me that he didn't need towels from me because he has somewhere to get them and why take a playstation without a TV? He has somewhere to hook it up.

I am so glad that I didn't let him play me. He wanted to stay with me, but this person that he is with is likely a second choice.

This was the right decision, but I feel lost.

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 5th (Monday)


Welcome to the D/S forum. That initial move out always is so unsettling. You will have many swirling emotions but eventually you will find peace.

Be strong and stay the course. Move forward. Focus on YOU and your son's future. Don't let your mind get attached to ideas of going back. If you start to get scared or to second-guess yourself, post here. Keep posting, it really helps!

BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Thank you heartbroken...KK. I really want to cry again right now. I am sooo sad and hurt. Yet, this is what I wanted. I am so confused about my emotions, but I still want it this way.

I was in a restaurant with my family yesterday (mother, cousins, aunts and uncles). We were discussing football season for my 10yo DS. I just blurted out without realizing it, "I AM SO SCARED" and then I started balling in the middle of the restaurant in front of everyone, including my DS! I have NEVER reacted like that under any circumstances and it took me for a loop!

Today doesn't feel like a better day.

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, August 5th (Monday)

So sorry you're hurting. I'm glad you have family for support, too. Even though my family is a 24 hour drive away, I know I can count on them for emotional support.

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Oh I remember the tears just spurting out of nowhere for no real good reason. Just some stupid trigger

Don't be afraid to lean on family. You know if they needed you, you would be there for them.

One of the things I have had to remind myself of, is how good it feels to help others in need. I spent a few nights with a friend after she had a knee replacement surgery. I told her she had no debt to me and I was honored to be allowed to help her!

DO ASK for help and support. It is a GIFT you can give others, to be vulnerable and to allow others the chance to be tender, and helpful to you. It's actually a rare opportunity.

Let the tears come. Call a friend, an aunt. Just call and say "not a great day today, do you have a minute to chat?"

We all have shitty days in our lives. This one will pass. I'm sending you positive vibes for a better tomorrow ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 5th (Monday)

You have gone thru so much and have come out a much stronger person than when I first got to know you!!!
And you WILL overcome this !!!
I am here for you like always whenever you need a shoulder Oran ear.
It won't be easy, but you are one of the strongest people I know.
I wish you the best in everything.
SI is a great place to come because there is always someone here at anytime of the day or night.
How many late nights did we come to this site in the early years of discovery? :)

Many hugs coming your way!!!!!

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Thanks to all of you.

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)


I know how scary it is. When we split I had a 10 year old son and I was on my own. EXH worked out of the province and was only home a week a month. This means I am basically a single mom.

Its okay to cry and seek out some help, but know this--- You will get through this, you are so much stronger than you ever will know. Every day gets easier and one day you wake up and realize that you aren't scared anymore.

I have been a single mom for 2 years now. I wouldn't have it any other way. I never thought I would be able to say that but here I am! I love my DS and I love being able to watch him grow, to see him accomplishments and successes. It is such a precious gift.

Sure there are days I want a vacation, a little me But I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

You aren't alone! And anytime you need to vent, need support or just a good laugh come back here and talk to us. ((hugs))

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

The mistake I made when my WH left was to stay home with my sons.

If I had it to do over, I would have surrounded them with family and friends. Now, we are kinda isolated, with my family being 5 states away.

If your family is the type that treats women right, please make sure you and your son are around them A LOT. This will offset anything he sees when with his Dad. Also, try really hard to have kids come over and play with your son, because I have noticed now that my sons are in jr high and high school, everyone mostly hangs out with the people they have been friends with since they were little.


PS. Make a list of everything he did wrong to you and read it every time you get weepy.

PSS Make a list of all of YOUR awesome qualities and when a guy asks you out, pull out your list and see if he is good enough for you! (Activity my counselor recommends).

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2217 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 9